Cleaning & Organizing
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How Do I Deal with the Momster?
Ok let me first start this post off with this...oddly enough my mother'n'law is never been my problem...my own mother is. She isn't even a mom to me anymore...LOL...she's a complete "momster". I told myself after our wedding (just married a lil over a month now) I would really tear into my apt. with getting rid of stuff. My husband told me it bothered him (my clutter) as well as it does me. I also thought hey if I get rid of stuff hence my mothers old dishes where the Teflon is peeling off or her old knickknacks I took so I wouldn't hurt her feelings. I could redecorate the place MY WAY with MY STUFF!!! I got very excited!!! I mistakenly told my mother that we were going to donate things to goodwill. She asked me to bring over the items I wished to donate so she could go through them her self! In my mind I'm thinking your worse with being a pack rat than I am...hmmm wonder where I got it from? And besides that your being an indian giver! LOL! Which is funny because she is half a blooded native american!!! My mother has a hard enough time letting go of things let alone me not being a child anymore. Hell she'll call me to see if I've paid my bills (shes the one with two disconnects a month) and to see if my school check is in (she wants money). My husband and I were planning to move this fall to another town one to be away from her and two to get out of this place but that has become impossible now. I understand you cannot help with every issue I have with her but this is crazy. I want my own stuff in my apt. NOT her hand me downs I've had since I moved out at 17 and I'm now 24 with two small children. LOL.
Re: How Do I Deal with the Momster?
My mom is kind of like this, except the problem I have had with her is that she has given us larger/expensive peices of furniture so it is a lot harder to give it away without speaking with her about it first. DH and I do not accept anything from her anymore because if we ever decide to get rid of it then it becomes a hassle.
As far as your other issues with her go, it sounds like you and your DH need to set some boundaries. I would tell my mom to BHOB if she ever thought of calling my house to ask me whether or not I had paid my bills- especially when she is late on hers!
Wait until she's gone one day since she lives so close, then clean your house and donate like a madwoman. She's mad already, she'll get over this too.
Or if she wants it all back, take it there. It's not your house and if you want it gone, do what you have to do.
You're not going to win either way, so you might as well do what you want.
Or if she sees you cleaning, just tell her you didn't get rid of as much as you thought/there wasn't much to send over.
I'm confused - - if you are doing to donate her old things anyway, why are you upset that she wants them back? Is it just b/c her home will be messiser?
Don't worry about that. Her home/mess is HER problem. If you seriously think she is a hoarder, just give the stuff away.
I'm wondering why you told her about this, b/c you knew how it was going to turn out.
First, stop sharing so much with her. I'm confused in that you talk like you want her out of your life but you are still involving her in your life.
You have two options - take her the stuff and don't let her make you feel guilty for getting rid of the stuff she gave you or donate it anyway and don't say anything more about it.
I think it's time you had a heart to heart with your mom . . . Set your own boundries for her, If she gets angry, so be it. You can't have an honest relationship with anyone without being open. If she wants to sort through your throw away pile, you have to decide on your own, whether or not you want her to. If you don't take it to goodwill anyways and when she asks say I couldn't find the time to haul it to you. or DH said I just needed to get rid of it and so he took it. etc. But as far as your boundries (i.e. the calling about your bills and other financial info) you have to set those with her, my mom is an accountant so I know that one well . . If you don't want to talk financials with her you have to tell her, "mom this really isn't helping me and my DH, we need to have you step out of our financial lives please" etc. or word it how she won't take offense. But when you do this you have to be careful from then on not to tell her things about your bills etc. One way or another the only way to have a good relationship is to communicate . . . don't hide that you are annoyed from her . . but tell her in a loving manner that it bothers you.
GOOD LUCK!!
)
This is easier said then done though in some cases...case in point, I am the oldest child and about 99.9% sure I'll be the only one cleaning that house out when both of my parents are gone with no help from my siblings, so I do worry about my parents pack rat mentalities because it just means more $hit for me to clean up 20 years from now!
This is exactly why I worry about her being a pack rat because her house is crammed full already and yes I will be the one going through it when she passes away. Besides that like I said before she lives close by and drops by to visit sometimes. There is a lot of her old belongings in my house that she GAVE me (not lent to me). If she comes over she will definitely notice that I've gotten rid of things.