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Sister issues
So my wedding was Sept 18th. Everything was perfect. Aside from the few minor hiccups and then the after thinking of the photo op's we didn't do or think about at the time.
The problem is, my half sister and I are very different. And it seems I can never win with her or a couple of other family member's unfortunatly always only on my mom's side. Here's the thing. My sister moved away with my newphew when he was only 1 1/2 years old. I have seen him a handful of times since then and he is now almost 13. That being said and for other financial reasons on my sister's end, I did not ask him to be part of the wedding party because we had a small party of only 2 attendants on each side plus the Jr bridesmaid, flower girl and ring bearer. I did talk to her about my reasons before hand and she seemed fine. Said she'd never even thought about it because he is older and yadayada.
Unfortunately the day of the wedding was a blur. I tried my hardest to think of everything but unfortunately could not think of everything as I don't even remember hearing my ceremony music, ate only half of my dinner and ate only one bite of cake.. I'm sure many of you can relate.
Anyhow, when the photographer was doing our bridal photo's and did a family photo I did not even think of my nephew being brought over. I know. Terrible Aunt. And apparently instead of being an adult and just saying oh, let me go get him, my sister got upset and hurt feelings that "I didn't think enough of him". I know this because she cried to a family member about it, who told her let's go get him and tell your sister and of course she said no, she doesn't care about him. I realize that we are 50% right each side. She's right, I should of though of him and he should of been in the photo. (I did later get him, not knowing of the drama and take a just me and him photo by the way) However, I feel, being my wedding day, she should of realized how stressed and brainless I was and opened her mouth, not play the victim. My nephew does not look at me as an Aunt. He does not call me Aunt. He looks at me like the lady that sends gifts for holidays.
Please share your thoughts on how I can resolve this without pointing blame or fingers.
Thanks
Re: Sister issues
I don't even see this as 50/50. It's your wedding day- you have a million things going on. She could have gotten him, but she didn't. YOU, THE BRIDE, CANNOT KEEP TRACK OF ALL YOUR GUESTS!!!!
I actually really feel this is more on her than you. Her son, her responsibility to make sure he's there for the family picture.
To keep the peace, I would send her a card and say that you are sorry he wasn't in the picture and that you're sorry she feels you forgot on purpose. That absolutely wasn't the case, and you apologize for upsetting her.
Period. Dont' over explain, dont' bend over backwards. Own up to the responsibility you seem to feel, but also realize that you really aren't all that in the wrong on this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It's too bad you said "without pointing fingers or blaming" because I have the very best idea!
You can apologize for hurting her feelings but ultimately blame the photographer. LOL.
I guess that I am in the minority here...but I could never ever get THAT overwhelmed to forget a family member during FAMILY PHOTOS.
I mean, I can see not chatting him up during the cocktail hour, dinner or dancing, but come on.....IT WAS THE FAMILY PHOTOS. How hard would it have been to glance around and think...I am missing my nephew!
Yes, as soon as she realized that YOU were going to continue on w/out YOUR entire family, she should have stepped forward to get him.
But negating her hurt feelings because you had other things going on is self-centered.
The "things" that overwhelm you at a wedding include thanking each and every guest, doing toasts with the guests, dancing with the guests, throwing the bouquet with the guests, taking pictures with the guests....do you see where I am going wtih this.
The fact that you forgot a guest, while doing things with other guests is more on YOU.
tell your sister to get over it.
AT our wedding both my DH and I forgot to have his son in teh family picture with my side of the family!!!
I tend to agree with this. I would place most of the blame on you. Did you forget any other nephews/nieces?
Though I will say, your sister could have just said, "did you want little nephew in this one?" rather than let it become more.
I would just apologize, tell them you love them and move on.
Gee thanks! Makes me feel so much more not a jerk!! NOT!
I agree with you to a point. However, like I said in my original post, she moved away with him when he was a year and a half (in a very inmature manner while everyone was on vacation without telling anyone, just to hurt my mom) and he doesn't even call me Aunt. She has never made an effort to rebuild any type of relationship or mend the hurts until our mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago. It is kind of hard to look at him as my nephew. While it is a poor excuse, it is fact that neither of them are a big part of my life by her poor life choices which goes far beyond what needs to be posted here.
And in response if I forgot anyone else.. Yes. The photographer did more of the candid natural shots and didn't ask or give us the option for any additional family/group photos. So there are lots of photo ops I would of liked to have and didn't get in the rush of everything.
We had limited time at the venue which was over at 10pm. Since the ceremony didn't even start until 5 it was a short rushed evening to fit everything in.
Again, I take my part in it. But as us all being adults, she is partially responsible for not opening her mouth and playing the victim as she is so good at.
I did send her an apology yesterday at end of day when she did not respond to me, using portions of another post here and adding some of my own. She is a very self centered person herself who is quick to attack and play the victim. So all I did was ask that if she wasn't willing to forgive me at this time that she not respond. She chose not to respond. Not sure when she will, or if she will. But it is all I can do. I can't chase her and make her forgive me. Nor can I continue to feel like scum because of a mistake. We are all human. Guilt trips don't get us far. And I'm sure she will spread her poor "me's" to many as she normally does and get lots of hugs. She already did it here before she left, even when my cousin told her lets go get him and she refused.
Before the wedding she sent me a 3 page email attacking me about how she was spending her only vacation she gets every year to be here and how much money it would cost her to be here and how I wasn't choosing one of the dresses she wanted to wear and how I'm expecting her to be up in front of 150 people and she didn't want to give a speech or look like a fool for not, how she didn't want to have to bend over in front of everyone to fix my train ( so then I was the bad guy again for having my cousin stand next to me to make all the list of things she didn't want to do happen, instead of her) and on and on and on. I tried very hard to accomodate everyone in as many ways that still made it feel like my own wedding and not everyone elses day. At some point you gotta take a stand for oneself.
Obviously our issues go far beyond a photo.
This would have been great info for your pic post. I would agree with you more if this is what happened. She sounds like she likes to create problems.