DH too goofy- HELP!

thecuddleeffect · September 2010

First off, Hi there! Nice to meet everyone, here's my drama.....So we have been married now about 3 months, and recently DH has been getting more and more goofy in the bedroom.

Now I don't need our sex life to be completely serious but he makes joke about everything (this is how he is when not being intimate as well). It's really hard to get in the mood when he isn't trying very hard to keep me in the mood. He'll say ridiculous things like making a super deep voice and saying "yeeeaaahhh baby" which turns me off. Yesterday was redic, I brought up that one of our friends has restraints on their bed, and how something like that could be interesting. His response "I'll buy you a Chinese finger trap, thats about and S&M as i get" UGH.

I would say he is just nervous but we have been having sex for at least 4 years now. You think he would be comfortable by now. How else (we have already talked about this) can i make him see he needs to focus on me, and the "activity" at hand.

hes3 · September 2010

I gotta tell you that its kinda odd. Like you said, surely he isnt nervous or something like that. When DH or I say something that kills the mood, we just look at the other one and sarcastically say "and Im done". Its hard to type out how it sounds. Maybe if you tell him that enough he will get the picture. I can imagine how annoying his behavior would be.

thecuddleeffect · September 2010

maybe i just will completely stop next time to show him he wrecked it....its so odd, i don't know if hes just getting TOO comfortable.

i think i know the tone of your "and im done" comment ill have to use it

hes3 · September 2010

Good luck. I mean, Im all for having fun in the bedroom but if its the same thing every time and it kills it for you, there has to be an easy approach to get him to knock it off while not being mean. Good luck.

vanillafreckles · September 2010

Have you ever actually told him that it bothers you? If not I would start there.

gooroogirl · September 2010

Mine can be goofy too! And sometimes, I admit, I am the comedic culprit. I like to have a little bit of conversation as we get things going, because going from 0 to 60 in no time flat just seems weird to me: "Hi honey, I'm home, thanks for vacuuming. Now where's my hot temptress at? Lets make love"...see what I mean...that is weird. So maybe he needs to be 'eased' into the moment? Talk to him about what sort of setting he prefers and voice your concerns that certain subjects or tones are a huge turn off...suggest things he should say to keep you in the mood and be sure to give examples if he doesn't quite get it. I had to remember that giggling, though a natural reaction for women, is not the type of thing to do while naked with your man. He just may be unaware of how his comments affect you. It might involve some more trial and error. My guess is that he's TOO comfortable and feels he can act the same way in all situations.

thecuddleeffect · September 2010

vanillafreckles:
Have you ever actually told him that it bothers you? If not I would start there.

unfortunately yes, when he does it i say like "oh yes, thats def turning me on" (sarcastically) or straight up "why do you have to keep joking about things, its not sexy"

vanillafreckles · September 2010

thecuddleeffect:
vanillafreckles:
Have you ever actually told him that it bothers you? If not I would start there.

unfortunately yes, when he does it i say like "oh yes, thats def turning me on" (sarcastically) or straight up "why do you have to keep joking about things, its not sexy"

Since you have told him just tell him if he does it again he will have to get reacquainted with his hand!

thecuddleeffect · September 2010

vanillafreckles:
thecuddleeffect:
vanillafreckles:
Have you ever actually told him that it bothers you? If not I would start there.

unfortunately yes, when he does it i say like "oh yes, thats def turning me on" (sarcastically) or straight up "why do you have to keep joking about things, its not sexy"
Since you have told him just tell him if he does it again he will have to get reacquainted with his hand!

!!!! love it

TarponMonoxide · September 2010

They still make those things? I haven't seen a Chinese finger trap in years.

I am guessing he is somewhat embarrassed about sex. There's got to be some way you can tell him to be himself instead of the class clown when he has sex with you.

Mrs.Rad888 · September 2010

TarponMonoxide:
They still make those things? I haven't seen a Chinese finger trap in years.

I am guessing he is somewhat embarrassed about sex. There's got to be some way you can tell him to be himself instead of the class clown when he has sex with you.

I like this. Nest time he starts being too goofy, tell him that, since it's against the law for a grown woman to be having sex with a child, you're just going to do something else until your hot, sexy MAN shows back up.

If he is embarrassed about sex (which seems weird, since it's not new for you guys), maybe pump him up a bit, inside and outside the bedroom? Maybe tell him how hot it makes you when you think of being with him later? Might sound a little cheesy, but it also might give him a bit of confidence.

oldbugle · September 2010

The harsh truth is that sometimes we grow up and away from those close to us,...It sounds like you are having a 'maturity shortfall'. If this is the state of play after 3 months what's it going to be like after 3 years,...or 30..!!?......

............Tell him that life is not a TV comedy soap and that you were hoping for a lover to eventually appear.........This has nothing to do with his embarassment so much as to him being clueless.

Tough Taters · September 2010

I'll admit it. My husband does something similar. There's a certain way he talks to me in the bedroom that 100% turns me off. And it just got worse when he continued to do it, after I told him I hated it. For him, it's more of a habit than anything. Years of a subtle change in his tone got us here...then all the sudden one day I was just like "Gah! I hate that, stop doing it!" So I feel ya sister, I really do.

I brought it up, a lot, outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. I told him, you're killing it for me, stop. Like your husband, he'd reply to me in an overly exaggerated tone. So frustrating, "Just be yourself! Talk to me like a MAN! Not a 14 year old boy!" And it kept on...like I said, habit.

Here's what *really* turned it around...

I sat him down and told him, in no uncertain terms, that I NEED him to not do that. As in, I am a woman, I have sexual needs, and this is one of them, make it happen. We talked frankly about it, I didn't get angry, he didn't get upset. I told him that I didn't think I was being unreasonable and nit-picky with this, and he agreed. Since then, he's made a real effort to stop. It's not going to change overnight, but it's got a heck of a lot better and keeps getting better.

For us, it was one thing for me to tell him to knock it off...but it was quite another to tell him that I really needed him to stop for the sake of our sex life. Try that. Good luck!

Heather0614 · September 2010

Have you talked about this OUTSIDE of the bedroom and not when a comment has been made? Seriously, in the bed is the worst place ever to talk about a sex issue.

Mango6112 · September 2010

I understand where you are coming from, sorta. Literally some nights, my husband has me laughing so hard I can't breath let alone finish sex. I blame him and I tell him so. I mean it's not exactly the same situation but maybe you should embrace it and just laugh at him. The sex may come and go, but the laughing and that closeness will get you through life.

NoNotTufts · September 2010

While he might not be embarrassed about sex itself, he sounds embarrassed to talk about it. It's revealing that he deflects when you propose introducing some variety into your sex life. I suspect he's not comfortable talking to you about what things turn him on, what he likes, etc. My advice would be to ask him to open up, and to set an example by doing so yourself.

anitaericwedding · October 2010

My fi and are very goofy all the time with eachother. We love to make eachother laugh. Sometimes this gets brough into the bedroom, and it is my fault. My Fi becomes serious, romantic, and sexual, and I am still gigling, and cracking jokes. I have realized that this is because I have trouble letting my guard down. I feel silly sometimes being intimate with my FI because we are always so playful with eachother. We used be very romantic all the time. Now we are constantly one upping eachother, and cracking jokes. We still cuddle, tickle, and makeout, it just takes extra effort for me to switch things from silly and goofy, to sexy temptress! I get really guarded at first, but them my Fi takes over and I start to get into it. He has even hushed me, or put his finger over my moth and said shhhhh. He has talked to me about it once, and since then I have been more aware of it, and I have tried to change it.

1. He could have some issues with intimacy and taking it serious

2. He could just be way to comfy with you.

3. He may not be comfy at all with you. (this should not be the case after 4 years.

DH too goofy- HELP!

Re: DH too goofy- HELP!

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