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Not sure how to feel...(ended up really long...)
So, I think I posted last year before our wedding about my brother's crazy girlfriend and how she hadn't talked to my family in like, 3 years and essentially tried to break my brother away from my family, and caused a ton of drama. My brother broke up with her over our wedding weekend (he told her she had to suck it up and come to our wedding or they were through). There was ALL sorts of drama with her and my mother and her mother after our wedding and things ended on a really bad note (with her mother threatening to call the cops if my mom even entered their apartment - my mom didn't even do anything, she was there to help my brother get his stuff out. The crazy apple did not fall far from the tree on that one).
Yesterday, a few mutual friends posted status messages on FB to the tune of "RIP EX-GF." I had blocked her a long time ago, and it seems she blocked me in return because I couldn't get onto her page. I called my brother to see if he had heard anything, to which he had just seen the similar postings. They were still friends on FB, so he was able to find out that she was, in fact, deceased but we weren't sure how it happened.
One of my friends later texted me (we all went to the same college (my b, his ex-gf, and this friend - they were all the same year) that she had been out jogging on Oct. 2nd and was hit by a car.
a) how freaking weird that she died basically exactly 1 year after they broke up?
b) Is it bad that at first I thought she might have committed suicide (the girl was a known cutter - my brother used to sleep in the kitchen so she couldn't get to the knives...and yes, that is only the tip of the iceberg of this girl's brand of crazy) and that I was relieved (mostly for my brother's peace of mind) that that was not the case?
c) So, I'm sad that she died because, even though she is crazy and attempted to tear my family apart, no one deserves that. But it is such a weird feeling to have someone you hate suddenly dead and gone - I feel like I shouldn't be sad, but I am? It is hard to explain. I'm also kind of pissed that it put a damper on DH and I celebrating our anniversary. We tried not to let it, but we found out right before we went out to dinner last night 
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d) I am also worried about my brother. He definitely feels like he shouldn't be sad - he was cracking jokes about it last night. DH texted him and talked to him (they are close) that it is ok to grieve, that she was someone he cared about for a long time and that it is ok to be upset.
e) I feel like I should send a sympathy card. Her mom is crazy, but her dad is a sweetheart and I just feel like it is the right thing to do.
Re: Not sure how to feel...(ended up really long...)
So sorry to hear that. Death is difficult to deal with when you know the person... regardless of whether you liked them or not.
Not at all. You had reason to believe so, and you were relieved that she didn't. There's nothing wrong there.
Also normal. It's a shock, and it's sad to see someone so young lose their life. When I was in high school I knew someone who died very suddenly. We weren't close friends at all. Barely knew each other. But still very sad. Her dad was a teacher at the school, and I really felt for him.
I think you need to call mulligan and try again. Next weekend!
He'll be in my T's and P's.
I probably would as well. You may want to give it some thought on what kind of message to put inside, because if she's crazy, she may misread your intentions.
T's and P's for everyone involved. What a way to start a week!
b) Is it bad that at first I thought she might have committed suicide (the girl was a known cutter - my brother used to sleep in the kitchen so she couldn't get to the knives...and yes, that is only the tip of the iceberg of this girl's brand of crazy) and that I was relieved (mostly for my brother's peace of mind) that that was not the case?
No, I don't think that's bad. If her cutting really was that bad, it's logical to think that was the reason.
c) So, I'm sad that she died because, even though she is crazy and attempted to tear my family apart, no one deserves that. But it is such a weird feeling to have someone you hate suddenly dead and gone - I feel like I shouldn't be sad, but I am? It is hard to explain. I'm also kind of pissed that it put a damper on DH and I celebrating our anniversary. We tried not to let it, but we found out right before we went out to dinner last night
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Don't let it damper anything. What if you never saw or talked to her again? Would that have effected you this much? Sure, it's sad, but I guess I'm saying not to let it effect your own life too much.
d) I am also worried about my brother. He definitely feels like he shouldn't be sad - he was cracking jokes about it last night. DH texted him and talked to him (they are close) that it is ok to grieve, that she was someone he cared about for a long time and that it is ok to be upset.
Sometimes cracking jokes is how people cope. Sometimes I use laughter as a coping mechanism. Don't tell him to quit joking - that drives me nuts - let him do whatever he needs to do.
e) I feel like I should send a sympathy card. Her mom is crazy, but her dad is a sweetheart and I just feel like it is the right thing to do.
I wouldn't. You said this family is crazy - they'll probably take it the wrong way. And, if you don't want them in your life, they probably don't want you in theirs. I'd let that bridge burn.
Thanks, ladies. I feel a little better and I know that everything I'm feeling/thinking is normal.
My brother seems to be doing ok (just talked to him a bit ago). He is convinced he doesn't care but I really feel like he is just trying to act tough, as does my mom. I just told him that it is ok to grieve and that, no matter what happened, she was an important part of his life.
It still is just so...weird. DH and I are just focusing on being there for my brother and thinking about the good things that are coming our way.
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Haha...no, that was a total win. Don't think I didn't think the same thing!
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