Sex & Romance
aesisson88
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
what am I supposed to do?
So after going to an Oktoberfest a few days ago and drinking large amounts of alcohol my FI springs the anal sex question on me. I have ALWAYS said that I was not into it and would NEVER do it. I have asked him multiple times if he ever thought he would want to try it, just so I would know and he always said no. Well, we ended up doing it and it was HORRIBLE! We used lots of lube and went slow but 3 days later I am still in pain. It was so bad that I literally balled all during and for about twenty minutes after. He felt horrible for making me cry and said that he was so sorry for making me hurt. He held me and took care of me after and has continued to say he was sorry and felt like he disrespected me and that he would never try something like that again. I know he is genuine and never wanted to hurt me but ever since I can barely kiss him let alone have sex or fool around with him. I do not want this to mess up our sex life or worse yet, ruin it. Do I just wait until I am all healed and go slow with it or would you just "jump back on the horse" and try to have a good time? Every time I even think about the situation I just want to cry! AHH
We just stopped preventing January 2013!
I use a tablet so please forgive my auto correct! 
Re: what am I supposed to do?
Are you saying your husband was able to maintain an erection while you were crying in pain? Lovely.
I doubt this is real, but it reminds me of that Enclaird girl who posted a similar tale of douchebaggery and continued to defend her H.
My hubs and I have anal sex about twice a month, sometimes more, depending on my mood. Before I married him, I was like "No way in hell am I ever gonna do that so DON'T even ask me"! Well one night we were rompin' around, and I was very close to orgasm and he rubbed me just the right way, and I was like "ooh!" So we did it, and it was AWESOME! I attribute the awesomeness to the fact that I was about to come, but seriously, it was so good!
I've tried it a few times without an orgasm on the near horizon, and trust me friend, it is no fun. Just let your man get you excited, and then try it. I think of everyone who is missing out on how good anal actually feels, because they think that you can just "stick it in", and wonder why it hurts so much. It's SO not like that, at least for me. We also use a really great lube, Synergy, from Adam & Eve. Good stuff and good times
I just read the last part of your post, and I realized the seriousness of this problem. If it makes you uncomfortable at all, then don't do it. At all. Your guy will certainly understand if he's as sensitive as he sounds.
These are your options:
1. You can keep trying anal until you get comfortable with it, but I would not use full on penal penetration. You could work up to it using toys (there are rod like toys out that vibrate).
2. You can take a break and re-evaluate.
3. You can take it off the table all together.
Regardless of your decision, your H should support you and if he doesn't, he is an ahole.
BTW - DO NOT USE any numbing lubes. You can really hurt yourself and you won't even know until it is too late. If you are still in pain a couple days from now, I would go to the doctor. We only experimented with it once and it hurt for two days after (mostly when I went #2 and it was TMI, kinda bloody). But I was fine afterwards. You may have really hurt yourself, so take care of it!
Not to sound harsh, but were you sexually abused in the past? It is not normal to have one mutual experience with your H and then feel turned off to sex in general. Do you have a major trust issue with him?
It is in your head. There is something deeper going on in your mind and you won't get over it until you address it.
If I am totally wrong, my suggestion would be to gently get back into sex once you are healed. The more you do it, the more you will WANT it.
You may want to consider seeing a counselor to get your feelings out there. What you're describing is sounding disturbingly similar to what happens to rape victims. The positive about your experience at least is that you don't seem to have trust issues with your spouse or self-esteem issues. It just sounds like a bad memory tainting your positive experiences of sex. See a counselor, and just give yourself some time. When you get enough distance from the experience, you will eventually be able to open yourself up to being intimate again.
Time heals all wounds.
I was going to suggest either masturbating, or letting your H do finger/oral (in the "usual" places) and see if you can relax and enjoy that without any actual penetration, but I think this advice might be better, so I'm copying again: