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S/O of Shansbride's post...for those with kids
it's really selfish of me I guess but if something happened to me I would want my parents and H to have joint custody of the kids or basically make it that H didn't move away from here (my parents live here). My mom is retired and would provide great child care and as it is the ILs really aren't overly involved in our lives.
I would want my children to grow up in our church (H isn't exactly a stickler about church and neither are the ILs), be close to my extended family, and selfishly my parents would have lost both their children if I passed at least I want them to have their grandchildren to help them deal. It's not that I don't think H would be able to raise our children, it's just that through my parents it's almost like I'm raising them too.
Am I alone? Is this weird?
Re: S/O of Shansbride's post...for those with kids
I dont' think it is weird. I told H that I would want him to use part of my life insurance to pay my mom to stay home with our kids during the day. I think she knows me well enough that she would make choices for them similar to the ones I would make.
I don't have to worry about ILs though. My MIL lives about 20 minutes away from us and has never met M (I don't think she even knows M is a girl) and hasn't seen V since his 1st birthday. I did tell my mom though, if H and I both die, I could see MIL putting up a fight that our life insurance and assets and whatnot go to my parents to care for the kids until the kids are old enough to care for themeselves.
Nope. Not weird. I don't want my ILs involved in our kids' lives. At all.
I've never had a great relationship with them, even when H and I were just dating. The last time I saw MIL was at H's graduation in June - before that, I hadn't seen her in 18 months. And she was ridiculously rude to my mom [i'm surprised my mom didn't say anything] and barely acknowledged JJ. My SIL is OK, but we don't get along, either. And I can definitely see my MIL putting up a fight for the money if H and I died, but she'd have no vested interest in caring for our kids.
It makes me nervous to think about what would happen with JJ - and any others after him - if I were to die before H. I would want to make it to where my parents and sister are pretty much his caregivers, along with H. They've done so much for us, and I'm honestly afraid that H will forget that if I happen to die before him, and he'll let his side of the family get involved when they haven't been for almost two years now. I don't even want to think about it.
I agree with this 100%--I also understand completely where you are coming from because my parents are HUGE in B's life. I just know that if Tyler died and he put those same restrictions on me--I would probably be so incredibly hurt/disappointed. I also know that Tyler would always let my parents be as involved as they wanted--he's always been very willing to let my parents see/do whatever with Bentley as they please. If his job took him to California or Texas and he had to move away from my parents hometown, I would be okay with that. His life has to move on after I die--and he must provide for our family in the best way he can. I know he'd let them visit as much as they wanted and let B go stay with them whenever.
If I died, I want both sets of our IL's involved in DS's life... but I wouldn't want them to have joint custody. I know DH would use them as necessary and they would step in to help when needed.
Do you think your H would just run off with the boys if you died? Doesn't he have a good relationship with your parents? If he does, like I think he does, I bet he would stay put, let your parents help and attend church with the boys.
I don't think this is too weird. I know if I was to pass away I would want my parents to be a big part of my children's lives. I know DH would never deprive them of spending time with them but in the end it would be up to DH to raise our kids. I would want him to live close to family though just so he could have help. I know he would stick close to his parents and since my family is far away it would be harder on them to deal with.
I dont worry about DH not raising our children in the way I would want. I would be worry about my parents having that connection to their grandkids. As of right now they only get to see M about 5 times a year. I can't imagine if I passed away my mom and dad would want that connection with M more since she is my child.
I really don't know. I mean yes he has a good relationship with them and knows how much they help out but they are still MY parents and I could see him moving closer to his family, which is so not what I want. Freaking podunk TX town.
I agree with this too, but I don't think H could do it alone (nothing against him, I couldn't do it alone either). I def. trust H more than anyone else, especially when it comes to our kids.