Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
not turned on anymore :(
Hey! I'm kind of new on here.
I'm recently married, but my husband and I have had sex issues for the past 3 years. (well, I've had issues)
I used to be a very sexual person. When my husband and I started dating, we would do it almost every day, and I loved it.
After about a year together, I stopped having sexual desires altogether. I don't think it had anything to do with him, because I stopped being turned on by anything. (not even porn works anymore)
3 years later, it hasn't gotten better. I just don't get turned on, hardly ever.
We have sex once or twice a week, and I put on a pretty good show, and I enjoy the closeness, but it's not the same excitement I used to feel.
My husband obviously feels bad because he feels his wife no longer desires him. I think my husband is steaming hot, and he's amazing in bed, but for some reason I have a hard time being turned on by anything, and I'm not as sensitive "down there" as I used to be.
I'm really letting my husband down, but at the same time I don't want to disrespect him by faking my way through things.
I'm only 24.
Any suggestions? Should I get professional help? Who should I go to?
Re: not turned on anymore :(
you had this issue for 3 years and haven't asked the gyno at one of your yearly appointments?
If you're not getting regular paps and physicals you need to start. Make an appointment and ask your doctor about the lack of sensation.
I have asked, twice. One wasn't helpful. The other recommended changing my birth control prescription, which I did. It didn't seem to change much, though.
Do you exercise? How is your diet?
I don't exercise much, except walking 10 - 20 minutes every day. Diet is pretty varied for the most part... fairly healthy on weekdays (salads, fruit, soups, cereal, sandwiches), not so healthy on weekends
Drinking lots of water.
I'm not 100% sure that's the problem, though, mostly because I eat better now than when we started dating.
Losing a bit of weight and being more active might help things, though
I would talk to your doctor and ask for tests to be run to check your hormones and your thyroid. In the meantime, throw in a few days of more vigorous exercise. 30 minutes of cardio a few days a week can do you a lot of good in many different ways.
You've let this go for 3 years?
Didn't you try seeing a doc for another opinion when this happened? A loss in sex drive can indicate a great many things -- and judging by the statement "I put on a pretty good show," sounds to me like you've not only not discussed the lack of sex drive with him, you've not only kept it well hidden but you're more or less having sex under false pretenses. He's going to be furious when he finds out you've been faking it all this time.
You've shown him no respect (um, it's not "disrespected"; that's a ghetto word like baby momma) by faking it through.
I strongly suggest you come clean -- that's right, tell him you've been faking it -- and get yourself to another doc stat. You could have a thyroid problem or hormone deficiency; neither condition is anything to scoff at.
I have to disagree with Tarpon.. I don't think it's "having sex under false pretenses" if you fake it 'til you make it. Men are so sensitive about that sort of thing and if you tell him that you've been faking it, that's all he's going to think about when you're having sex.. even if you're not faking it. My advice is to try some other options (diet, exercise, new medication) and then if nothing works then you can tell him that your sex drive isn't always the same as it used to be (but I wouldn't tell him that you're not turned on at all). And I'm not sure why disrespect would be a "ghetto word".. someone needs to consult a dictionary..
What BCP are you on? I had the same problem with Yaz- I pretty much lost my sex drive and I wasn't getting as 'physically excited' as before, if you know what I mean. I switched to Alesse and noticed a big change after about a month.
If you'd taken the time to read the full thread, you'd see that I have actually been to 2 gynecologists about this issue. So no, I haven't "let this go".
There's not much to "come clean" about. My husband is fully aware of the situation, and it's something we've discussed many times in great depth, so please don't assume anything about me.
And "disrespect" is a real word. I don't see how anyone would think I might be "ghetto" by the way I write. Even if I were, I don't see why that would be a problem, or why it would have anything to do whatsoever with this board.
Thanks for understanding! My husband and I have already talked in depth about the issue. Sometimes it's hard for him, but he knows if I don't want to, I won't have sex with him. It's not that I can't get turned on at all... it's just much less frequent. We've gone from 4 - 5 times a week to once a week, mainly because I'm not willing to fake anything. So he knows that when we do, I'm into it.
I'm on a BCP called Diane (I think it's a Mexican brand... I live in Mexico). I already switched once after talking to a gynecologist about it, and it didn't seem to make much difference.
I think I'll follow everyone else's advice and try to be more active!! Probably wouldn't hurt if my husband joined me for some brisk walks
iluvmytxrg... I did get my thyroid checked, but checking hormone levels might be a good idea as well. Thanks!!