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not sharing pics with my sister (long sorry)
My sister has recently started her own business doing designs for cards, invites, business cards etc. My sister offered to design save the dates for our wedding, which I accepted. In the end it didn't work out and I didn't end up using them. However I had sent her my engagement pictures, and she used them to build the portfolio for her business and didn't really tell me. I have seen our pictures used all over her website, on other local websites, have heard people say they have seen them at tradeshows etc. I feel really bothered by this, I guess I just feel like since she didn't even actually do this work for our wedding, it's different than a photographer posting a picture from my wedding on her blog or something. She also included our personal information in her samples, which I asked her to blur out and she lied and told me she had done
We were married a month ago and when she found out our pictures were ready she contacted the photographer directly and asked her to send her all our high resolution files. Luckily she said no. Since then she has been emailing me and asking every time she sees me for all of our high resolution files. I don't want to give them for her because I think she just wants to use them for part of her business. I have told her no when she's asked in person, and usually just end up walking away when she persists
My family thinks I'm a huge jerk for not helping her. However I feel like she's taking our wedding, which is special to me, and turning it into an ad to promote herself.
Am I a jerk for not giving them to her? Should I tell her that I will not be giving them to her and that is final, or that she can have them only if she promises not to use them for her business?
Re: not sharing pics with my sister (long sorry)
No, you're not a jerk for not helping her, and quite frankly I wonder if your photographer would have a case against her.
I would flat out tell her "No, I am not giving you any pictures, and I demand that you stop using my photos to promote your business."
However, I really don't see how it makes your wedding any less special. I'd focus more on how she didn't ask your permission and is putting you at risk by having your personal information all over the place.
common phrase: you teach people how to treat you.
If you're not comfortable with your sister using your engagement photos for her business, you have every right to ask her to stop doing this - ask her to take the photos of you off her website and not use them in any of her business materials. You don't have to give reasons why. If she doesn't comply, then she is willingly doing you wrong. (Right now she might not think you care either way because you haven't been assertive and said something. Yes she should have asked your permission, but not speaking up is your problem that you need to correct.)
Given what has happened so far with your engagement photos, and the fact that she contacted your photographer asking for your photos (creepy!) I don't think it'd be a good idea right now to share any of your wedding photos with her. Tell her that you don't want any of your photos used for her business because you're not comfortable with it. That's all the reason you have to give and if she doesn't understand, that's her problem.
You shouldn't be bullied by your family to do something against your will. If your parents bring up the topic again to you, say: "I already told sister I'm not comfortable with any of my photos to be used for her business. I'm not talking about this topic again." If they ask again: "I told you already I'm done talking about this." and walk away
I agree- I'm not seeing how this makes your wedding less special.
But past that- why exactly does she want the pictures? She didn't do anything for your wedding, so...what exactly is her point?
And as for the photographer, I would actually read your contract. She wants to use someone elses work on her website. She may actually need the photographers permission for this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No, you are not the jerk here. She is.
No, this did not make your wedding somehow less special.
However, they are your pictures, they are your property. You have the right to decide how it is used, and quite frankly, you were taken advantage of enough with the whole save the date card nonsense. Stick to your guns.
I own the rights to all of my pictures, so I'm not sure the photographer would really do anything.
It doesn't make the actual wedding less special. I guess I'm just saying that I would feel glad to give her pictures if it was because she wanted to have pictures of her sister getting married because it was special to her.
WHY does she want the pictures, though? To say "this is a weddign i worked on" when in fact she didn't?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
TBH, if my sister were opening her own business and she wanted to use pictures of me for her sample work, I would have no problem with it. I'd give her my wedding pictures and appreciate that she thinks my wedding was pretty enough to use as her stock sample work. No biggie to me.
That aside, you clearly are not comfortable with this, so keep telling her no. This is what it feels like to make a decision that not everybody agrees with; some people are going to be upset. If you believe you're making the right decision, stick with it. You're not always going to be able to please everybody and you have the right to say no to requests you don't want to accommodate.
However I feel like she's taking our wedding, which is special to me, and turning it into an ad to promote herself.
Well, if this is THE one and only issue behind all this, then I guess I don't really understand. As I said, it doesn't make your wedding any less special. I'm w/ MKE on this - I don't see the big deal in her using your pictures.
Heck, as much as I loved my wedding, I LOVE the idea of more people seeing pictures of it. I think it was beautiful and would love for people to see it.
But, this is your choice and if you don't want to do it, you don't have to.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
There are several thousand free high-res photos she can access on line for free.
Or she can pay a few dollars to purchase another bunch from a choice of several thousand from a reputable site, legally.
She doesn't need to steal yours or otherwise use photos to showcase her work. It is really no ones business and high inappropriate for other family members to offering opinions on the matter. Ignore them. No one else gets a vote. It's one of the most pleasant apsect of having the wedding be OVER. Everyone can just calm down and shut up and get inapporiately involved in someone elses wedding now.
I don't think you are wrong for not wanting to share. I would push on Sis to take down/remove your names/dates from her existing sample work since you had already requested that. Her sample work would be just as effective with "Mr & Mrs Smith" as with "Mr. & Mrs Shortstory" on them. The fact that she did not honor your request on that initially would make me less willing to assist her in future projects.
Honestly I do not understand what the big deal is, but they are your pictures and if you want to be like this about them well it is your choice.
I know if my sister was opening a business I would help her in any way.
Yeah, I don't see what the big deal is with allowing your sister to use the photos. Presumably, you believe your wedding pictures rock. I'd be thrilled to have some of ours "out there." Actually, our reception picture was used on our photographer's website for quite a while, and I loved it.
I would think you'd want to help your sister make her business stronger. I want my siblings to succeed...both because I love them and also because I'd rather not ever have them coming to me for money or other help.
Pretend I said this too.
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Tell her to go hire a couple of models and rent a tux and a dress, and that way, she can get all the photos she wants for her business. Your photos are yours and you get to say who uses them or even sees them. It's your call. But don't let her walk all over you - stand up for yourself and insist she take down/get rid of the photos she's using as of now.
I have a couple of questions- when you had originally accepted her offer to design your Save the Dates, did she say to you "It's great to be able to do this, I really need more samples to build my portfolio?" Why was it that the Save the Dates she made didn't work out- were they not to your taste, not produced on time, ...? The reason I'm asking is that you mention she didn't "really" tell you, which makes me wonder if she mentioned it in passing as part of the package deal ("I'll make your save the dates for free if I can use them in my portfolio since I'm starting this business, blah blah blah") or if she just kind of did it and mentioned it after it was already part of her portfolio.
The other reason I ask is that she's behaving as if she's entitled to these photos, which could mean either that a) she believes there was an agreement between the two of you that she could use them, and is hounding you because she believes you aren't delivering on what you promised, or b) she feels entitled, period (in which case there is likely some more history there). In either case, I think you need to have a flat out conversation where you say exactly how you feel about what she did with your pictures in her portfolio.
Consider, too- she's trying to build a business here. If one of her first portfolio-building experiences is going south because of her business manner (not being direct, or using things the client didn't think she would use, or not removing real names when asked)- that's stuff she needs to know.
Same here!!
I think it's more about this too. And what if some crazy tracks her down because her info was still on those products. I wouldn't want the public at large knowing who her stock photos really were.
You actually have grounds for a civil case against her.
She has used your photograph or likeness for commercial gain which is invasion of privacy. Just saying.
Thanks for all the comments everyone. There are a few things that I did leave out due to post length
I did tell her I'd be happy to have use use our save the date for her portfolio provided she blur out our personal info, as initially I was more than happy to help her out. However without warning or permission she used other pictures and put them all over the place. She told me she'd use it at a specific tradeshow and on her site, but since she's put the pictures all over other places as well. It's using the other pictures, and using them on various websites that bothers me. Most importantly it's that she hasn't blurred out the personal information and directly lied about it.
The save the dates didn't work because they were the wrong size, wrong font, wrong colors, wrong picture, wrong wording and the weren't done by the date that we needed them by, and because of the size she made them I didn't know where to print them and she didn't even have a solution to that. I ended up just making my own and using those.
There has already been an issue with someone finding out that the work on her site was fake. I have also had people ask me about her designing all my wedding stuff, which honestly I did myself. The stuff on her site is just stuff she made as a sample and it's not something I would dream of using myself. I feel uncomfortable representing her when she didn't ACTUALLY do anything for me, and the one experience I had was so awful. Plus the guy she is fighting with now has my personal info and pics of me which makes me uncomfortable. She also has also been contacting people she met at my wedding on facebook and asking them to join her business fan page. I have gotten several complaints from people about her constant requests
I do love my wedding pictures, but I want to choose who to share them with. I actually found out she was using our pictures in various places after an ex contacted me telling me he heard I was getting married, and he knew that because he saw her at a tradeshow with all my pics with my personal info on them. not cool
She DOES feel entitled because she's a give an inch, take a mile person. Since I gave her permission to use the save the date, she feels she now has the right to all my photos. She has always been like this. For example once I gave her permission to come over to my house when she was having work done at hers when I was at work and left her a key. After that many times I came home from work, shopping, etc to find her randomly in my house without permission. Needless to say she no longer has a key.
I agree that she could use stock photos, or her own wedding photos. I feel like if I was someone other than her sister (a real client maybe) she'd never have done what she's doing with my pics, and that she's taking advantage of me.
Your sister sounds really inexperienced and unprofessional. I doubt her business is going to go very far without a clue.
istockphoto.com
photo problem solved! On the cheap, to boot.
She should make up names and event info for portfolio pieces. I have no idea why she wouldn't.