Relationship Question

keb270 · October 2010

We were talking about this at work and I thought I would have to ladies weight in. Have you told your husband about all of your past relationships? Why/why not?

Leigha12 · October 2010

Not all of them, no. DH and I have been together since we were 18, so the majority of my relationships prior to that were silly little high school things that lasted a couple weeks. Not worth mentioning. We met in September our first year of college and were friends until we started dating in February, so he was around for the couple pre-DH college relationships I had.

keb270 · October 2010

DH knows about the longer relationships I had, but he doens't know about every single person I went on a date with or hooked up with. Likewise, I don't know about all of his, and honestly, I don't care to. We are happy with each other and I don't see how the past relationships would change that.

Leigha12 · October 2010

keb270:
We are happy with each other and I don't see how the past relationships would change that.

Well, I know someone would feel very differently if one of those past hookups resulted in heirs. But if a spouse held that info back, you have major problems.

luckycooky · October 2010

Nope. I'm with Keb - I don't really see a point in it. I know about his previous marriage/annulment and we each know that the other had previous relationships but we don't really discuss them.

hawkilady · October 2010

We've talked about the major ones - but we didnt know each other until we both graduated from college (undergrad anyway) and didn't grow up in the same place so its not like he would know or even ever see any of my exes. Its not that I wouldnt tell him, it would just be boring. He's seen old photographs and pictures and asked about people and we talk about as it comes up. He's had all of 2 relationships other than me that weren't 2-3 dates, because he dated the same girl all through college. Neither of us is hiding anything but dont need to know every last detail either.

keb270 · October 2010

Leigha12:

keb270:
We are happy with each other and I don't see how the past relationships would change that.

Well, I know someone would feel very differently if one of those past hookups resulted in heirs. But if a spouse held that info back, you have major problems.

So true Leigha. If he had a kid I didn't know about, I would be livid!!!

SBS0628 · October 2010

Yes. There's not really much detail or information on either of our parts, though, which makes it easy to share.

We didn't meet until our mid-late twenties, but each of us only had two serious prior relationships. He didn't casually date -- both those turned into relationships. I went on two dates that were non-relationship-y and had a handful of drunken college make-out (but nothing else) sessions. Mostly I told him because they are some of my most hideously embarassing but also hilarious stories, and I knew he'd laugh Smile

I'd love to know more about why people haven't shared the info...to me, there was no question that we'd each know everything about prior hook-ups/sig others. I'm trying to get a perspective on why that wouldn't be shared, regardless of how dumb/young/insignificant/etc. it was...

As for the kid thing -- how would you feel if HE didn't know and you both found out together post-marriage? (i.e., he knocked up some girl - one night stand or otherwise - and she never told him about the baby)

Savy _05 · October 2010

We know about everything from eachother, I was only 16 when we started dating so my past was pretty easy to cover, no major long term bf's or anything and he knows about who i did date.. and has hung out with them, neither of us cared. David was already in college when we started dating and had a bit more of a past, he had briefly moved in with someone (we began dating after this breakup) I was a bit more leary since i was younger and we did discuss everything.. I still didnt care about any of it, but i did think it was nice to know. We have been around some of his ex's from high school and the one that he lived with , (her sister and daughter were in our wedding) haha (and her sister is how we met) other than her, the rest of them all tend to think i will get mad about them talking etc (like when they had to plan their 10yr HS reunion).or they think i dont know that they dated... My favorite part is when they tell David something about me (like they dont like me or think i will hate them) and think he wont tell me! ha.. he tells me everything!

Leigha12 · October 2010

SBS0628:
As for the kid thing -- how would you feel if HE didn't know and you both found out together post-marriage? (i.e., he knocked up some girl - one night stand or otherwise - and she never told him about the baby)

Depends on when he knocked her up. In our situation, considering we hadn't had any sexual partners before each other, finding this out would mean he lied to me about something along the way. Otherwise, as long as it was before we met, I would be upset, but not at him, just the situation.

kaleyandjason · October 2010

We covered the major points, but other than that we haven't shared all the gory details. We each know we dated other people before we got together, and that is pretty much it.

keb270 · October 2010

SBS0628:

I'd love to know more about why people haven't shared the info...to me, there was no question that we'd each know everything about prior hook-ups/sig others. I'm trying to get a perspective on why that wouldn't be shared, regardless of how dumb/young/insignificant/etc. it was...

I honestly haven't made an effort to NOT share, but I haven't made an effort TO share either. DH knows about the relationships which really effected my, but that's about it. I don't know how it would improve our relationship for DH to know about every single person I was ever with. Then again, I dated a lot in college. I once had 4 days in 3 days so I doubt I even could tell you about all of them now!

mamie329 · October 2010

We had that convo early in, which IMO is best b/c it doesn't seem to hit or hurt as hard when the relationship is new. We each know the high points of each other's histories, and since I learned about his so long ago, I've been able to kind of wipe it out of memory.

hawkilady · October 2010

mamie329:
We had that convo early in, which IMO is best b/c it doesn't seem to hit or hurt as hard when the relationship is new. We each know the high points of each other's histories, and since I learned about his so long ago, I've been able to kind of wipe it out of memory.

This is pretty much why he doesnt know every last detail... its not that I wouldnt tell him but we talked about all this stuff so long ago and we gave each other the highlights, etc and that was it. There is no reason to bring it up now - its all ancient history. If he ever wants to know something, I will tell him no problem but he has no interest.

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