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Being God parents
DH's niece is getting baptized this weekend, and while I am an atheist, I do go to this kind of thing to support others. We were asked a while ago to be legal guardians for the niece if her parents were to pass away, and I guess God parents as well. I just got an email from SIL explaining what we will be required to do at the baptism, and we are both required to stand up and agree that we will help with her spiritual development. The thing is, that I will definitely not help with anyone's spiritual development. SIL and BIL do not attend church, although I don't know what their beliefs are, and I suspect that the baptism is for the benefit of my MIL.
So I ask............ how terrible am I if I go up there and say it when I have no intention of doing it. Do people's Godparents actually do anything or is it more just about tradition?
Re: Being God parents
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
The role of godparents is to assist the parents in the spiritual growth of the child- teaching and promoting prayer. You do not have to be godparents to be legal guardians of a child in case of death.
To go up before the church and family and say you will assist in the spiritual growth is lying to all those people, including the baby. If the parents are baptizing the child without intensions of raising the child in the said faith, they are lying to God and their new child. They are also committing the child to a life in the faith that they are not planning on teaching them how to live.
Everything you say at the baptism is a promise to the child and to God. If you (and more importantly the parents) are not willing to fulfill that commitment, I would not suggest participating.
You may want to discuss this with the parents. If you aren't comfortable participating in a service where you are required to promise to assist in the child's spiritual upbringing, tell them that while you're happy to be the designated legal guardians if something happens, you aren't able to make the commitment to be godparents.
At least in the Catholic church, one godparent has to be a practicing, confirmed Catholic over the age of 16, and they do have to promise to undertake the child's spiritual direction if the parents aren't doing a good job.
I have 2 questions: Does she not know you're an atheist? I find it completely bizarre that she would ask you to be the godparent if she knows this.
And also, what do you mean by "I guess godparents"? Did your DH say "yes" for you and not clear it with you? Was there a misunderstanding when she asked? Is she not aware that legal guardian and godparent are not the same thing?
Agreed.
Does she know you're an atheist? Why would she ask you to be a godparent? If she's an atheist, too and sees it all as a sort of play where you can't offend a diety who doesn't exist then see if you want to go along.
And it's worth saying that in the awful event that her parents pass and you are raising her, as a guardian and an atheist, you can provide for religious education without believing in religion. You can even say, "I'm an atheist" and explain what that means. And still arrange for age-appropriate religious ed and opportunities for her to connect with parish life - because her parents did believe and wanted that for her. I'm Catholic but I could raise a Jewish child if the circumstances necessitated it.
If you won't do that or think that religion is morally corrupt and refuse, then you shouldn't be a godparent in a religious ceremony.
Hey everyone I appreciate the comments. First off I admit fault here, DH had the conversation with her about it and did check with me. However I honestly didn't know that "Godparents" actually meant anything. I thought it was just something that went hand in hand with being legal guardians, which we did discuss at length and agree to do. I have Godparents as does DH and they never actually did anything in our lives that had anything to do with religion.
And no, SIL would not know I'm atheist. We aren't close, she lives far away and we only see each other once or twice a year, and our religious beliefs have never come up. I think I am being asked since I am DHs wife. Honestly I have no idea what her beliefs are, whether she does believe but just doesn't attend church or what the story is.
She is travelling from out of town to come have her daughter baptized at her mother's church, but I think I may just ask DH to discuss with her when she arrives. After I posted I talked to a friend who was in a similar situation where her DH was atheist. She said that when they asked them to make the declaration he stayed silent. That way he showed his support for the child without actually promising to aid in their spiritual development. I think this might be a good solution.
The Dogs and Us
FI is the godfather for DN. We do not treat her any different than her brother or her other cousins. He has a special relationship with her but he has individual relationships with all of them. She will say to her brother "uncle is my godfather so I get to sit with him first." Its more sibling rivalry than anything else. I don't know who has been chosen to be their legal guardians -- not us.
Alright, DH talked to SIL and we have some clarification. He explained that I would not be able to teach the child about God. However, it is the symbolism that she is interested in rather than the actual function. This is also a United church, which I think is a quite a bit less strict than a catholic church. All I am agreeing to do is "Are you prepared to share your time, guidance, support and love; and will you encourage them in their spiritual journey?" I feel comfortable with this, since it doesn't specify that I am to actually teach her about God or ensure that she attends church, rather just encourage her. I will always share love and support with her in life and will be happy to provide her with any encouragement she needs.
As far as who should be her Godparents, I think it is totally up to SIL, and since it seems to be the symbolism that matters to her, having someone to always love and support her daughter, then I will glady accept the honour. I honestly feel that it's her decision to decide what matters to her in a Godparent, and I would be rude to decline the offer.
As far as becoming an actual guardian to her, I would take cue from her previous situation. If she attended church normally, or had an interest then I would have MIL take responsibility for that part of her development. Otherwise I would raise her in the way we were raising our other children (if we had them) but encourage her to speak with her grandmother if she was interested in learning about God. Due to experiences I've had in my life with someone very close to me falling in with very extreme religious views, it is organized religion that I am wary of, not spirituality. I would gladly support her (and will now) in whatever pather she chooses
Wow! Why did they pick you as a Godparent?
A Godparent should be someone that will pray for the child and shares the parent's beliefs. I would turn down the request and just simply explain that you are not comfortable lying infront of the church.
"Godparents" are more for show than anything else most of the time. ?I get that they are "supposed" to guide the child's spiritual upbringing, but WAY more people pick godparents who are their friends. And that's about it. My godmother is my aunt, who while very religious and actually the director of religios education at her church, provided little to no spiritual gudiance to me, and I am also a religious person. ?My godfather? My dad's best biker (yes, Harley's) friend.?
Just ask what is expected of you and make sure that you feel comfortable with it. H wants out potention future kid to be baptized in the Catholic church to make MIL happy, but I know I won't raise my kid Catholic (and H is too lazy about his faith to even know the difference) so I feel really ambivilent about this?
This. I had Godparents growing up. But my parents also had a will that said should anything happen to them, my Aunt and Uncle got custody of my sister and I. And my Aunt and Uncle were not my Godparents.
Atheist here, and I say utterly and entirely this. Lying to a non-existent god doesn't phase me, but I respect the religious faith of others enough to never falsify a faith of my own.