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MrsLadyNole
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Wedding Thank You Card Etiquette
What is the actual etiquette for sending a thank you card?
I am a little peeved. My BIL and "new" SIL got married in May. I went to their bridal shower in March. I've been to two weddings since then (one the same weekend in March and the other in April) got thank you cards from both of those immediately, but nothing from BIL and new SIL, STILL and it's October. Now they are having a baby and assuming she is having a baby shower soon, I will be buying the new neice or nephew stuff. And what, to not get a thank you card for that either?!
I am a big thank you card person and it peeves the hell out of me. I so want to nonchalantly say something because I hate her so much.
Re: Wedding Thank You Card Etiquette
Your SIL is a major bee bee that cares about nothing except getting her pretty princess day(s). Do not expect a thank you card from her for anything.
For her baby shower, get her a nice gift, and then anonymously give her Emily Post's book on Etiquette, with pertinent sections being tabbed and highlighted. Then grab some popcorn, sit back and watch the fireworks.
I like PnR's idea about the Emily Post book!
I think the "etiquette' is that you have a year to send a gift or thank you card. Reality for me is that it should be done soon after the wedding. I'll give a couple 6 weeks, especially if they go on a long honeymoon, move into a new house, or something big. After that, I consider it a lost cause.
My BFF from college got married about 2 years ago. We sent them a very nice gift off of their registry. I can't remember what it was other than something for the kitchen. She mentioned that she received it when we talked shortly after it was ordered and that they "tossed it on the kitchen counter", but we never got a thank you card. As a card person myself, it really upsets me not to get thank you cards. (My parents and my brother are excluded from this. We thank each other for gifts with a phone call as per family tradition. All other relatives and relatives-in-law receive a thank you card.)
Southeastern Cycling
My Nest Bio and Cycling Advice
I own the Emily Post wedding etiquette book.
I would be frustrated too. I don't buy into the whole year long deal for writing thank you's. We had ours done within two weeks after getting back from the honeymoon. And I made DH write all the ones for his side of the family. When we were little, we got to use a gift the day we got it, and then it was put away and we couldn't use it again until we wrote a thank-you note. I think it's a good thing for kids to learn early!
Ooo!! Can you look it up?
Southeastern Cycling
My Nest Bio and Cycling Advice
Same here. Mine were done within the month. She moved in with him prior to the wedding, so getting settled isn't even an issue. It just makes me mad because now I am going to buy baby gifts and not get a thank you card for that either.
Disclaimer: I don't know the full story behind your SIL. However, I would like to give my input as someone on the other end of a similar story ...
My husband's amazing aunts threw me a beautiful bridal shower at the end of October and I just mailed out thank you cards. It was not because I did not care about them or was selfish or (insert negative remark here). In my case, There were several factors at play:
I run a company working at least 10 hours a day, am handling my father's estate (he passed away last year) which is literally like a second job, was tending to family (grandma had just been diagnosed with leukemia around that time), work functions, family and friends' special occasions, and on top of it all, I was still planning our wedding (1-1-11). When my MIL received snarky remarks two weeks after the shower from her friends who attended, I bought thank you cards and wrote them all, but ended up misplacing the box I had them in. (I too lived with my husband before the wedding, but the home was not fully organized.)
The biggest thing that came into play for me though was that I did not grow up with the importance in writing "Thank You" cards. My mom's not from this country and our thing was calling people to thank them if they were from out of town OR to personally thank the people at the event. And my father never said otherwise, So I honestly could not understand why there was any need for creating drama or making a snarky remark after (what I was taught to do) I had personally thanked the guests at the Bridal Shower and had fully intended on mailing the cards out once I found them. Since, my older half-sister (same dad, different mom) sent me Emily Post's book with a nice note.
Now, granted, as I restated, I do not know your SIL or the background. But I know how hurt and upset I was when people were speaking ill about not having received thank you cards and placing judgement on my character without actually knowing me or what my day-to-day life is like.
Maybe give your SIL a call and explain to her where you're coming from. She may not realize how important thank you cards are to you or to others, in general. And, then you can offer to get her Emily Post's book as a helpful guide.