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How would you feel about this?
Today is DH's birthday and his dad sent him an email saying something to the effect of "happy birthday, checked your bank account lately?!". They deposited $50 in our account as a gift which was very nice and appreciated. They've made deposits before so I finally asked DH this morning, "um, how are they depositing directly into our account? Do they have our bank account number?" Apparently, they do. He gave his mom our joint account number back when we were paying wedding bills and making deposits so we could deal w/ the rehearsal dinner stuff for her.
I am NOT happy about this. To him, this is how things have always been, his mom has always had his account numbers and made deposits like this (especially when he was in college). I feel like it is totally inappropriate for his parents to have our bank account number. I don't even know that they could do anything with it and I know they never would (other than make deposits) but still. I feel icky about it. He understands that this makes me uncomfortable but isn't sure what to do now since she already has the info.
Am I overreacting? I totally could be - talk me down. What would you do?
Re: How would you feel about this?
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
Well I would be irrationally angry too (even though my inlaws are trustworthy just like you said yours are). I've been trying to make a firm line between the families DH and I came from and the family we've become. As a college student, it's fine to have your parents on the account. As a married adult, it's out of line for his parents to have any type of access to our checking account.
Of course, besides changing your account (which probably doesn't need to be done), I'm not sure how you can change this situation besides directly telling his parents that you would prefer that they not deposit into your account.
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
This this this.
My other hangup is that when I make a deposit and request a receipt, it shows our current account balance on that receipt. I'm not okay with his parents (or mine!) being able to find out how much money we have at a given time. Of course this is one of those "principle of the thing" issues and I'm certainly not going to start a family feud over it, but I'm upset and not sure what to do - truthfully there's probably nothing I can or should do at this point and this is all just a vent.
Ok, this isn't good. My bank doesn't print balances on receipts. In fact, it doesn't even print the full account number on the receipt. Maybe that's why I feel differently; you wouldn't know a thing about my account if you made a deposit for me. My bank takes privacy pretty far.
ETA: Maybe you can have a notation put on your account that tells them not to give out receipts to anyone other than account holders. Or at least black out the balance.
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
My other hangup is that when I make a deposit and request a receipt, it shows our current account balance on that receipt.
Until you typed that, I didn't think it was such a big deal since they couldn't DO anything other than desposit. This, however, is NOT okay. I don't think anyone should know what's in your bank account. I would try to come up with a nice way of telling them not to do it anymore like in the future, you would prefer checks so that you can track the deposits more easily or something. I too would be uncomfortable with my ILs knowing what is in our account.
I completely agree with Leigha. But I would be completely weirded out too that they have this number and would not like any of our family numbers to have balances either.
I would just say something along the lines of "We did notice it the other day and were wondering if it was a bank error. We really appreciate the gift but would it be possible to send it to us directly in the future so there is no confusion? That way we also know who to thank for being so generous."
It doesn't seem right that they should be detailing that info on the deposit receipt. Theoretically, can't you deposit into anyone's account? (assuming you know the number)
My Bio (wedding pics added 7/6)
My 101
i think I would have the same reaction you did KB... it just seems like something they shouldnt be doing. There should be more of a boundary. As someone said, its one thing for parents to make deposits into your account in college, etc but you are adults and on your own now. While I understand Leigha's points - I wouldnt want them to have the info either, especially if they would then know the balance of the accounts.
I'm annoyed that DH has a credit card on his dad's account - he gave it to us during the wedding planning process to pay for stuff as it came up but everytime DH tries to give it back, FIL comes up with some excuse for him to use it and keep it. It's annoying and knowing FIL, just a way for him to think he still has some control over DH. DH doesnt want to bring it up because its not a big deal in his mind and he knows its just going to be an issue with FIL.
HomemadebyHolman
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Do you guys own a house yet? If not, use that as the excuse -- you need it removed from DH's credit report because it's hurting his score. If that doesn't work, I'd tell DH to just cut up the card and never use it again. Let it sit with a balance of $0.
I'd find out about this, for sure. I'd probably be more okay with the situation if there was no way for them to see the balance. I think Leigha's points about them being able to get the number (like, if you ever wrote them a check) is totally true and valid.
However, I could also see this being a slippery slope...my overactive imagination goes straight to Bunny & Trey from Sex & The City. You'll come home one day and your MIL will be doing your laundry and talking to your DH while he soaks in the tub...boundaries, people, boundaries!!!
The house is in my name - but DH's credit score is like 790 so I know its not really hurting him but I just want him removed. I told him a couple of weeks ago that by the end of the year if its not taken care of, I'm cutting it up and he can explain it to FIL if he asks him to use it for something.
Ironically enough, in DH's first name is his dad's middle name (and they all go by their middle names) so DH's credit has been messed up before because FIL forgot to pay some medical bills and they went to collections but he was able to get that taken care of.
HomemadebyHolman
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