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Christmas dinner drama...(sorry, long vent)
Six years ago, H's Mom passed. Prior to that, his family Christmas dinner was always held at his parents home. So he and his siblings (2 sisters, 1 brother) decided to share Christmas hosting duties, rotating each year, so that everyone would host once every four years. This worked out fine for the first 4 years. But then last year, H's niece (who in those four years got married and had a little girl), and her husband bought a new home in VA, and when it was our turn to host Christmas (which we both had been looking forward to), she decided that she wanted to host Christmas in her new home. That in and of itself wasn't the problem, it was the way she went about it.
She sent an email to us, basically saying " I know it's your turn to host, but since this is our first holiday in our new home, we don't want to travel - so we're going to host. Hope you guys (me and H) aren't too mad. I've already talked to the family and they've all agreed to come down here. We hope you guys can make it."
Well, H didn't take that too well, and neither did I. H had taken the week off and we had meals planned, festivities, etc. And as H had not planned to drive out of state for the holidays, he told her no - that didn't work for us, but that she could host the following year if they wanted to get into the rotation. I even said to her that we didn't mind if they didn't make it up for Christmas, that we could get together over the next week. She went off about how insensitive we were being, and how she couldn't understand why we wouldn't change our plans for her. To make matters worse, all but H's brother and SIL (we're very close), decided to go to VA to appease her, because she made such a stink. She is fairly spoiled and used to getting her way, and pretty much hijacked our year to host Christmas dinner.
H and I had Christmas dinner with his brother and SIL. But his niece was very nasty to all of us, sent mean emails and even posted comments that we know were directed at us on FB. (At that point I blocked her comments from showing in my feed). We still sent her and her family presents via the members who did go to her home, which she never acknowleged or even thanked us for. She was also supposed to be a BM in our wedding, and she dropped out and didn't talk to us until just before the wedding (which she and her husband didn't come to, they had made other plans).
So yesterday, she sends out this detailed email to the family with a laundry list of things that she and her husband want for both themselves and their daughter for Christmas. She also informed us that dinner is to be held at her Mother's home (bypassing us altogether), and that she would see us then. H and I had already talked about spending our first married Christmas together at home, with all welcomed to visit if they wished. So, we aren't planning to attend dinner at his sister's home. And his brother and wife are also staying home and hosting their own dinner for her family. So now, the bees are buzzing again about how we are not being understanding and that we should, once again, put our plans aside for the good of the "family"...Sheesh.
Re: Christmas dinner drama...(sorry, long vent)
Wow, some family members are hard to deal with. I have my share of stories too.
I don't agree with her immaturity actions. I would so buy them something not on that laundry list. LOL
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Thanks, Lisa - that's what we said. We love visiting as much as the next person, but it is nice when you can enjoy the work that you've put into your own home for the holidays every once in a while...and we are more than willing to go up to visit with the fam the next day...it will still be the holiday season!
Wow, just wow. How nice of her to go behind your backs and get everyone else on her side before asking you. That really does take nerve.
I hope you and your H have a fabulous and relaxing Christmas at home.
I feel your pain, too. The holidays for my H and I have been hijacked by our siblings because they have kids. My sister wants her daughter to be at home every Christmas morning (this will be the 2nd year) and now my H's brother says the same about his daughter (first year). That's fantastic and all, but they live in New York and DC respectively. And the grandparents want to be with the children for Christmas. I guess H and I will be spending a few years by ourselves since we're not "important" enough because we don't have kids. I feel lonely about it, but H basically say "eff 'em". It'll be our little family (with the furbabies) and everyone else can go wherever.
Yikes. That is so immature. I am glad that you are holding your ground and doing what you want to do. No one wants to feel like they are forced to do something on the holidays.
It sounds like your niece just wants things to be all about her year after year. Its good to see you and H aren't letting her walk all over you!
I have no doubt that you will have a great holiday with your husband!
Isn't it something how relatives take certain things for granted? One of the reasons we have always traveled is because we did not have kids, too. But even those of us without little ones also enjoy waking up, putting on the santa pj's (TMI?? LOL) and spending time together at home without fighting traffic, let alone interstate traffic! We will be joining you in that if no one wants to come visit with us, we will share it together with our furbabies as well. In a way, I'm kind of looking forward to it :-)
Or, in other words, that you should once again put your plans aside to join everyone else in kissing niece's azz. I can't blame you that it's not gonna happen!
There's nothing worse than an entitled little crybaby such as herself. What about your side of the family? Could you host Christmas with them, then your SIL/BIL on H's side that you're close to and whoever else from his side wants to come and visit?
Wow...the nerve of some people. But yet it is sad how one's actions can affect an entire family!
What about sending a tiara with the words "Spoiled B...." on it as a Christmas gift?
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LOL!!!! I love it - wouldn't that be great? Hahaha!
Seesh! Way to ruin such a peaceful and joyful family tradition! I'm glad you are standing your ground, but I'm also kind of sad for you and your H that you can't get together as a family anymore. It is amazing how some people can only think about themselves.
I say, send an email out now to invite everyone to your house for Christmas next year and explain that you are very eager to host the entire family.
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That would be hilarious! At least she won't be able to say she didn't have enough notice.
This actually makes me kind of physically ill. I am a lover of tradition and get very upset when people f*ck with it. All my family traditions are sort of long gone based on a variety of reasons including b*tches (like your niece!!), people moving far away (me) and children (my sister), but I remember the feeling of the first year that it wasn't "right" and it wasn't a good one.
I want to slap your niece in the face for you, but instead I can only offer you positive thoughts and props for standing your ground.
*hugs*
Thank you so much!! You are so right...last year felt very different, and a little weird...you expressed exactly how it felt for me!
Wow, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this! She really is being a complete spoiled brat!
I can somewhat relate because I feel like my SIL (Brothers wife) has hijacked my Christmas customs from me. I was SOOO upset last year when I bought a ticket home w/o DH (then FI) because everyone agreed to have Christmas at my parents. Then SIL decided that she wanted it at her parents (where Thanksgiving for the entire CA family was already, it was supposed to be Thanksgiving at her parents, Christmas at my parents), so everyone bowed to her wishes, and I had to get another airline tic from southern CA to northern CA.
This year DH and I are having Christmas at our place and whoever can make it can make it. My parents are fine with coming out here to VA, and DH's mom and brother and sister will come down (as long as brother and sister can get off of work). We will probably be w/o my brother and SIL, but if she wants to be stubborn and spend every Christmas at her parents place then she looses part of the family in the deal.
I think that after this Christmas you all need to sit down and figure out a new rotation, and have it all laid out, with niece included. And agree on the rules for a change, IE if someone looses their turn then the rotation moves back a year so that the person that lost it gets it the next time around and they dont have to wait for a another whole rotation (i hope that I explained that well).
Enjoy your Christmas, it will still be very nice
Thanks, Courtney! That is what we were discussing this morning, in fact. This year, especially because it is our first together as a married couple, we do want to be able to host our family and friends at our house.
But we will need to a) work out a new rotation, or b) just agree that everyone does their own thing, and we visit each other at some point during the holiday week going forward.
But with your situation, I totally know how that felt. What makes some folks feel like what they have going on is so much more important than everyone else's plans?...smh
I agree on all points!