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Vent: uninvited guests
Update
So after talking to cousin again, I called the women back last night and expressed my regrets that, besides cousin's H, I am asking that this remains a women only shower. Both understood and both are still coming! Yay! Thanks for all the advice.
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I am hosting my cousin's baby shower next weekend. I started planning it about 6 weeks ago. After discussing options with her (i.e. family only shower, family + friends, friends only, couples), she decided that she'd like me to throw a family + friends shower. Fine by me, I actually love entertaining.
Cousin sent me her guest list (20 women) and I started planning my heart out. I'm going all out: caterer, custom cake, champagne, fancy prizes and favors, etc. I mailed the invitations two weeks ago and requested an RSVP by today (so I can give the caterer a final head count and buy the appropriate number of prizes and favors).
Here's my problem: two of the women RSVP'd to include additional people. Both are bringing their husbands and one is also bringing her two sons (ages 11 mos and 7 years). That's 4 extra people (granted two are children) and all are male (when cousin had decided she didn't want a couples shower).
Since both "offenders" (haha) are cousin's friends (not my family) I decided I'd tell her and she can decide how to deal with it. I decided that if she wanted the extra guests there that I'd be a gracious hostess and welcome them. Right? So I planned on calling her this afternoon to discuss.
Welllll, here's my second problem: cousin just called (before I had the chance to call her). Cousin wanted to double check the shower time because she wants to make sure her H will be able to attend. I get that they are excited. I get that he wants to come, and I guess she wants him there, too, because she said, "He came to my other shower." What I don't get is why not just tell me this in the beginning? I could have planned a couples shower but cousin said she didn't want that. So I'm pretty confused at this point and I told cousin that...I explained the whole thing.
In response to the friends bringing their Hs and kids, cousin said, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that but it will be fun." Okay...add 5.
Is this plain rude or am I overreacting?
Oh, here's a cookie for sticking with this! Thanks!
Re: Vent: uninvited guests
At my wedding shower, there were a few men (including DH). They all went to the basement and watched football instead of hanging out with the girls. Do you have another room where the guys could hang out and order pizza/drink a few beers? That way they'll be out of the way and you won't really have to "entertain" them.
Yeah, I wonder if you can backtrack and say you know my budget doesn't allow for 5 extras. I can see how that is a possibility because you're going all out with the catering and only planned on 20. It adds up.
I would seriously consider backtracking and clarifying the invitation was for the women only - if word gets out, everyone might start bringing dates, and then your costs will be doubled.
On the other hand, I don't think it's that weird that your cousin's husband wants to come. It's his baby - there can be one guy there. Or you can suggest he come toward the end for presents if you think he'll be "bored" during a girly shower.
Hope that helps!
Slowly but surely.
Thanks smooge, you bring up very valid points. I guess I need to take a stance and put a stop to it--that is, to the friends' Hs and kids. Cousin's H is fine and I get that he wants to be included, it's kind of endearing, actually.
Are the friends from far away? Some women (esp. older women) don't like to drive long distances or on highways on their own.
I also think the fact that your cousin had her H at the prior shower set a prescedent. If you're not willing to pay for the five extra guests, either tell your cousin / the guests that no men are invited, or decide to shuttle them into another room, or cut back on another expense.
Update
So after talking to cousin again, I called the women back last night and expressed my regrets that, besides cousin's H, I am asking that this remains a women only shower. Both understood and both are still coming! Yay! Thanks for all the advice.
Slowly but surely.