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worst. sexlife. ever.
so obviously i am pretty embarrassed to say any of this out loud, so instead i'm typing it. and it's still shameful enough to bring me to tears.
my fiance and i found out we were expecting 3 months into dating and dove in. we now have an incredible 14 month old son, and a wedding in april.
the sex has never been GREAT. it was always only okay. but even during my pregnancy, he just lost any interest in having an intimate relationship with me. i thought it was just because of the pregnancy. now, i'm thinner than pre-preg, i'm an attractive woman, and still - nothing.
it got to a point where i found out he is regularly looking at porn online to get himself off - and continues to show ZERO interest in having anything to do with me. this is so exaggeration. sex is terrible. there is no foreplay. there is no attention to me at all. there is NOTHING.
finally after about one hundred conversations, i told him he shouldn't be looking at porn when my most basic needs aren't even being met. my needs should be coming first.
he clearly doesn't give a *** about me. i am at a loss.
i tried everything. lingerie. sex toys. he hasn't even opened the gift bag to see what's in it.
i honestly have felt for over two years that i just am not enough. i resent him so much for this. my ex would tell me daily, during sex, which we would have up to 3 times a day that he was so lucky, i was beautiful, amazing, the works. now, the man i am supposed to MARRY doesn't want to lay a finger on me.
we are already in counselling for other issues. i told him after finding out again today that he's back to porn, that i'm bringing this up in counselling next week. i can handle working on the relationship, but he continues to show ZERO effort in me, or having any kind of intimate relationship with me. it has completed depleted any self confidence i had, and i don't even know what to do from here.
i appreciate any insight, tips, etc.
thanks.
Re: worst. sexlife. ever.
Just one tip. Don't marry him.
QFT.
You guys are already in counseling for other things and this hasn't been brought up?
The PP's are right. You can do so much better because it sounds like he's a selfish insensitive jerk who isn't paying attention to what you're telling him.
Honestly WHY are you wasting your time...you should NOThave all these issues BEFORE the wedding...and no matter how much time you spend in counseling it wont help!
Are you willing to have no sex the rest of your life?
He's not for you.
IF the sex is bad, don't stay with him, if sex is important to you.
This relationship is also over. There's no interest on his end.
You drop him; clean break. And speak to an atty about child support.
Please, please, please call off the wedding. This situation sounds similar to my first marriage. I never felt like my ex was interested in me. Well that relationship ended in divorce. If the spark isn't there it just isn't there. You can try to get into counseling to see if it helps. But DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT get married until you feel good about your sex life with this man.
Also, please read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus In the Bedroom. This book has a lot of good insight into what men need. It was an eye opener for me. You may be doing things to turn him off without realizing it.
Agreed. You are way over thinking this.
Time to move on.
People need to keep in mind that only one side of the story is being presented here.
Does he have a response to your complaints? Has he said anything about any of this? Have you guys ever fought about sex (how good, frequency, etc.) or has it just been you complaining?
Maybe he's just a jerk or he sucks, but there's still some questions that need to be answered IMO.
As a side note, I still can't believe that there's all these women out there not getting any from their husbands even after buying lingerie, toys, movies, etc.
Tea Time for Lulu
Believe it, my friend. This comes up pretty frequently here on the nest. I don't think this makes it common per s?, but it definitely happens. I'd wager that overall, it's men that have a higher proportion of complaints, but as with most things, it goes both ways.
I agree. Bring up all that porn stuff in counseling because if he is not talking about it, someone needs to make him. If that doesn't work, then DO NOT go through with the wedding. And please don't blame yourself for any of his selfish issues. You are gorgeous!
Do not waste any more time. It is obvious that you guys should not be together. Do not stay in it for the kid, for he will be the one to suffer if you guys do stay together. So please you deserve to be happy! do not settle for less.
wow. What a crappy situation for you to be in!
1. Don't get married for the sake of getting married! You are young and the idea of marriage is awesome, but do NOT do it if you are unhappy!
2. You are beautiful and don't you dare let him make you think you are anything but!
3. I hope you have some awesome friends who you can share lots of wine and chocolate with and have a good supply of tissues, I personally don't think you should put up with this sh*t, but only you can decide what to do. Its your life and the decisions you make are entirely up to you.
Good luck, whatever happens!
I completely agree with everyone on here. You are gorgeous and your son is adorable. There is no reason, especially with the amount of effort you are putting in, for your fiance to not want to have sex with you. If you are in counseling for other issues and are needing to bring this up, I would push back your wedding. You deserve to feel wanted all of the time and if it has always been "okay," it probably won't get better. I'm newly married, so I am not an expert by any means, but I think that if you are comparing your currently relationship to a previous one and how it was so much better, than that should tell you something. Sex may not be the most important thing, but it impacts other aspects of your relationship, especially if it makes you feel bad (or question) yourself. I would keep going to therapy, but def. hold off on sending out invites or putting down deposits until you can think clearly about what you want and what is best for you and your son.
Sorry to hear about the situation! I wish you the best!