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Should I?
So I am having a major issue here. I love my hubs, but I really am into another guy. He is so amazingly hot, and I am totally lusting after him. I want to be with him,(only physically) but I am afraid. Not of DH being mad, but of him being hurt. We have always had sort of an open relationship. We have discussed the option of inviting someone else into our bedroom, but we've never actually gone there. I know DH would be Ok with me being with this other guy, as long as it is not behind his back.
That said, this is not someone that I would be willing to have a threesome with. I just want to be with him by myself, and not a threesome. He and I have always been VERY flirty with eachother, and he's made it clear that he's down for whatever. He's dreamy. Educated, fun, sexy-as-hell, and I want him. I know this sounds insane, now that I'm typing it out, but honestly, would just one time hurt? I have no desire to develop feelings, or anything. I just want to &*$% him. Am I wrong? If you ladies knew that you could have your fantasy and get away with it, would you?
Re: Should I?
Well, DH and I do NOT have an open relationship at all...........we're your average married couple..........and I did just what you are describing. Guy and I had a major attraction, discussed that we were NOT looking to leave our significant others, etc. I have kids, a life, etc. that I was not willing to lose.
Three weeks later I discovered I was pregnant, it all came out with DH of course, my life was a mess and now we are in therapy to figure out why I would basically try to throw my life away for a few nights of passion.
DH and I are working and doing well, but the attraction I have for the other guy is literally a daily struggle..........and I don't even see him that often. Daily struggle. And as an FYI, I am no longer pregnant....that's a whole other ball of wax I had to deal with.
I played with fire and I got burned very very badly. For me it is like a drug that I can't get over. Don't fool yourself to think you will be able to do this one time and 'get it out of your system.'
No, you shouldn't. Obviously you have some type of conscious since your posting this before you do it. You know it's a bad idea deep down. And you don't want your husband to know about it, even though your in an "open relationship". That means you don't think your husband will be ok with you sleeping with another guy, which is why you're trying to "get away with it".
If you do do it and "get away with it", you will be living with guilt for the rest of your life.
Eventually the guilt will become too much. You'll cave and tell your husband what happened and absolutely crush him and he will lose his respect for you. Then you'll have to go through a long series of events to decide whether you should work it out or get a divorce.
So, for a chance to have a hot guy @$#% you, you ask if you should? I would say no. Instead of @$#%ing around, maybe you should focus on your marriage and figure out why you are fantasizing and facilitating relationships with guys other than your husband.
i'm kinda in the same boat too. i'm married and have a little girl. i love my husband greatly. we have an amazing sex life and are fantastic together.
but lately, i have been hanging out with a guy friend who i have one main thing in common with (ie...profession). he's funny, cute, and just nice to hang with. i don't have many people around me that have the same interest as i do. lately, we have been flirtying alot and it's getting intense. i've fantasized about him and he has told me he has been doing the same. i just want to @#$% him. i don't know what my deal is!!! why AM I feeling this way?!
SHOULDN'T. 1000 times shouldn't.
None of you should cheat on your husbands (for the two in the post that are walking that line).
Is this physical attraction worth destroying your life over? If you decide to cheat your life will never been the same. Please remember your marriage vows. Lust is fleeting but the hurt of this betrayal that your spouses will experience can last a lifetime. It just isn't worth it.
Please reconsider. Please think outside yourself. Think about your husband, your children and your life. It is emotional-relationship suicide to willingly deceive your husbands. Please please please don't.
No. No. No. No. No.
Feel free to copy and paste that several more times.
I'm with you!. Why the hell would you even get married and then think about being with someone else. Pathetic if you ask me!!!!
that's right because we all know once you get married you arent allowed to think about anyone else or have fANTASIES!
Indeed! That would make you... human!!
Now, I am in agreement with most of the other posters, DO NOT cheat on your husband. The one night of passion would not be worth sacrificing your entire marriage over.
BUT, I don't think this OP is evil incarnate for fantasizing about another guy, even one that she knows. Can the rest of you who are condemning her honestly say that you have never had dreams of someone other than your DH or had a fleeting thought of "Oooh, that guy's a$$ looks amazing!"?
True, she shouldn't be flirting with this guy or actively pursuing him, and she probably knows that she shouldn't be entertaining the idea of sleeping with him seriously, or else she wouldn't be asking for our advice. So hand out your advice, but don't be so quick to judge.
BTW, I am saying this as someone who has had fantasies about other men than my FI, but have never felt compelled to act on those fantasies. It's perfectly natural, and as long as you don't try to bring the fantasy to life, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I am happy in my relationship, and would never want to jeopardize it over a one night stand or brief fling.
Open relationship or not, if you feel the need to hide it, it's wrong. People with open relationships are successful when and ONLY when they are HONEST with each other. And when you say "kind of" and open relationship, does your husband know it's open? Sounds like you're hiding it. I'm not telling you don't do it or that you you're wrong... but again, if you feel like you can't be honest about it with your husband you shouldn't do it. The part that worries me the most is the "and get away with it" which implies your "open" relationship is one sided.
loveyme...sorry for stealing your post.
I understand the comments on this post.
i would NEVER want to jeopardize my marriage over a one night stand. i know i shouldn't be flirting with this man. but that is all i have done thus far, flirting. and me fantasizing about him seems like a normal thing people go thru. i guess i shouldn't have verbalized it to him, but what's done is done. i think for myself, i need to say this out loud to "someone" to put me back on earth.
If you really want to be with this work guy do it the right way: divorce your H first.
If that's not the case, just say no as many times as you need for it to sink in.
Where do I begin...
1) When you discussed the possibility of a threesome with your DH, did you mention the 3rd person being another man? Because I'm quite sure he had something else in mind.
2) If your husband really is okay with you being with someone else, as long as it is not behind his back, then what is your dilemma? Tell him about it and then go for it, if that's what you want to do.
3) You mentioned that he's educated, which is something you like about him. If you wanted him for nothing more than some hot sex, would it really matter whether he could read, write, or carry on a conversation?
4) You say you have no desire to develop feelings, yet it seems as though you already have. In this case, I'd think twice about going any further with this guy. Leave it as a fantasy, or you risk this whole situation getting out of control.
Your hubby said that he had to be there. end of story. he doesnt want you to have a one night stand with anybody else. If you do anything he wants to be there. Doing this behind his back will break his heart, and in the end will break your marriage.
You can still have fantasies, everyone has them, even in their dreams if they want to or not. Dont ruin your marriage for one night!!
Granted I am not that experienced, but isn't the definition of &*$%-ing someone developing feelings? Women develop intimate feelings when they do that...it is not controled by your brain, it has nothing to do with logic, it is biologicial...this could really ruin your marriage. You and your husband can say it would not bother you, but the second it actually happens, the other person could be really really hurt. Personally I would think twice.