Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Visitng ILs continued
I just have to say that I am amazed how rarely people visit with their family.
I know that we are not normal, since we all live so close,but I visit my gandparents more than some of you see your parents. I am just surprised.
What about brothers and sisters? Do you see them more?
Re: Visitng ILs continued
I wasn't on the other post, but we see my ILs about 3 or 4 times a year (4 in a busy year). They live in GA and we live in IL. We see my parents maybe 10 - 12 time per year; they're in MI.
Both of my sisters live near my parents, and my H's siblings live near his parents, so we see them when we travel home. When one set of parents comes here, the siblings usually don't.
I, like I read some others saying, don't know that there is a normal or a right in terms of visiting. I think people should visit as much as they want and can afford to.
While we don't see our parents frequently because of distance, there are other ways to stay in touch (phone, e-mail, Skype, letters, etc.). I actually feel like our relationship with both sets of parents is way better now than when we lived nearby because we don't see them as often and appreciate each other more.
Nope- we are pretty busy people....we communicate often but with my family its short visits once every other week or so, unless we make special plans (holidays, etc.).
ILs are a 2.5 hour drive and we will spend a full day about once a month with them.
I am not the "hangy outy" type. So it's a good schedule for me.
My sister's dead. I don't hand with her at all.
My BILs live 800 miles away. My parents-in-law are oth passed. I see my mother about 6 times a year, my dad about 4. The live 200 and 1500 miles away. It's hard.
When I lived in town I saw my parents every week or 2. Actually more sometimes, since my mom worked right near me, so I would swing by and say hi over lunch sometimes. And my dad and I had a weekly lunch date too. About the same with my siblings.
Now we live 3.5 hours apart and see each other about once a month. I would like to see them more but it is too tough with kids to travel.
My IL's on the other hand, live 14 hours away, and seeing them once a year is plenty.
Look, different does not equal wrong. It is not about the amount of time per se, but the intention/feelings behind the amount of time you spend with family.
If you are avoiding your inlaws because YOU may not particularly like them, that is a selfish move on YOUR part. You suck up some reasonable number of visits for the sake of your partner. Just like you would do it for those pesky work events, baseball league games, etc.
And as someone else posted, CONNECTION does not have to rely on one-on-one contact anymore. Between phones, skype, and FB, you can maintain a close relationship without spending NLT $2,400 for a visit.
I live in London. My dad & step-mom lives in PA and my mom lives in NM. Going to see them both is VERY expensive, particularly as I'm a teacher so I have to fly when it's most expensive. So I see them once a year unless they come to visit me. Neither of us have huge salaries and we bought a house in London so we don't have a disposable income to visit. Plus why would we want to spend ALL our vacation (DH has 5 weeks and 2-1/2 goes to visit my parents) on family...plus we have to go see his extended family in India once every three years...
I talk to my parents once every week or two, email almost daily. I have a great relationship with them but also a life with my husband...they are no longer my priority - he is.
My husband and I are both in the military. How often we see family really depends on where we are stationed. We generally see our parent 3-4 times per year at the most. Our siblings/cousins/aunt and uncles even less. But we all keep in touch via e-mail, phone calls, Facebook, Skype, etc.
In this day and age, not everyone decides to live right down the street from their families and never leave. In fact, none of our siblings or cousins stayed in their hometown. This doesn't make us any less close to our families. We're all extremely close in fact.
My MIL lives 10 hours away. She is an older widow so my DH goes home about every 6 weeks to help with house projects and just keep an eye on her. I go with him about every other time. We have a 1 yo and a 4 yo. Driving 10 hours each way every 3 months is plenty. My MIL does come to see us in between our visits to her, though.
My parents live an hour away. They travel a lot in the summer so we only see them about 1 time a month. The rest of the year, we see them once every 7-10 days.