Sex & Romance
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Out of ideas!
My hubby and I have been together for 3 1/2 years total - married for 2. I'm 23 and he just turned 28. For about a year now he's been totally disinterested in sex. When I finally got the nerve to ask him about it he said "Sex is boring." I thought he meant we were in a rut so I tried everything. Sleeping naked, wearing sexy lingerie. I used whipped cream once and he said it was too sticky. I tied him up and and he liked it but refuses to do it again. I offer him massages on a weekly basis and he hasn't said yes even one time. Last time we had sex he told me it took so long for him to get off he started to get bored. Now I just feel like he's bored with me. I am also pregnant with our third child together and he loves the kids and he's happy about our marriage in every other way. We spend all of his time off work as a family but we haven't had time alone since our wedding night. How can I get him more interested in romance? I'm desperate!
Re: Out of ideas!
Any chance he's got a piece on the side?
This doesn't bode well for you, that's for sure. Have you asked him what he would like? If he has any fantasies that he'd like to share?
How many kids and you're how old???
He's probably spent.
That's my conclusion.
You have more babies than years of marriage. You should have spent more time developing a relationship than making babies. I am guessing you got married in the first place because you were pregnant or had a child together already. This is not a good foundation for a marriage.
You should seek the help of a therapist if you do not want to become the single parent of 4 children under the age of 5.
1) Get on some reliable BC after the baby is born--you two need to have some time together with you not pregnant as you haven't really had much of that.
2) Get tested for STD's, it's strange to me that he would like something you guys do in the bedroom but not want to do it again with you--that tells me he either was placating you by saying "yeah it was good" or he's got a little something on the side. If I did something my H loved in bed, he'd ask for it again and again.
3) Is he really as happy as he says he is with the kids and the marriage? If you haven't spent any time together as a couple since the wedding night you're overdue and need to schedule a date night.
4) Seriously, birth control, think about it.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
1.) I am guessing he is just beat all the heck. Sex is probably last on his list at this point. In any event, get him a check up at the doc. He could have a heart condition or some hormone thing going on that could lower his libido. Taking a long time to ejaculate and general disinterest in sex sounds like low testosterone or something. I'm not a doctor, but its good to get a checkup anyway.
2.) Slow down on the baby making. Really, it can't be conducive to a healthy relationship if you are constantly popping out kids. That constant injection of stress etc. What a rollercoaster!
Good luck.
When was this?
Got link?
He's afraid to have sex, every time he cums you get pregnant.
His fantasy at this point would be a wife on the pill.
I feel really sorry for your kids.
I'd be surprised if your marriage lasts another two years.
Sorry to be so blunt, because I don't have any helpful advice to soften that blow, but if I were you, I'd get on the pill and start saving money.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
When he told you that sex was boring, did you ask him exactly what he thought was boring? Did he tell you what he found boring or what he would like to do to change it?
My guess is that he didn't. He just lobbed the self-esteem bomb out there for you to take the hit. Don't let him do that.
Sit him down and tell him that you are not a mind reader. Tell him it takes two people to make a boring sex life and he is one of those two. Ask him to think of three things that he feels would make things livelier. Tell him three things that YOU think would make sex better. I doubt you are completely thrilled with your sex life either. So insist that he step up to the plate. KEeping things interesting in the bedroom is not just your job.
wait! your post said youre pregnant with your third, but your ticker says fourth, and a previous post on multiples says you may be having twins or triplets? Do you think he might be stressed?!
He may love your children and enjoy them, but frankly children are a lot of work and it may be hard for him to relax. Send them to Grandma's and create an environment for him to be completely calm. (without the pressure of sex) then see where it leads.
.*. We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by finding an imperfect person perfectly .*.