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Need help.. dealing with family with depression
I am going to read more about this later on when I have some time tonight, but I thought I would ask for some personal advice and experiences first. I have two sisters, and they are both depressed. They both have been since they were teens (so I was around 7), to varying degrees.
One is starting to pull herself out of her troubles and is getting her life together, making good choices and now enjoying her kids more, although she called me a few weeks ago crying telling me she was depressed. The other is currently in a really bad place in her life, and is having a hard time letting go of things that have happened and just starting over with a clean slate (she just got her nursing license, but needs to find a new place to live as well as a job).
It is really hard to live with this sometimes. I can only begin to understand what it is like for them, as I had a bout of mild depression in my teens that is long gone (and I'm very thankful for that). So, I know that you can't place blame on them for their actions, but they can be extremely hurtful. Not returning phone calls, backing out on plans (they were the main source of stress and any time I spent being upset during wedding planning), etc. Last fall/winter, I went through the hardest time in my life, and neither of them were around to offer any support or help. There is the part of me that wants to be unconditionally supportive (although I don't really know what to do), but then there is the part that's thinking about me, and how I would like to be treated fairly, too.
Sorry that turned out so long, really I just needed to vent and write my thoughts out. It is so hard to watch someone hurt so much and feel so helpless.
Re: Need help.. dealing with family with depression
Well, I can't help with your situation, but I can explain a little bit about being the one who is depressed. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 17, attended two years of therapy and took Prozac for 5 years...I believe that the medication saved my life.
What I know now, now that I am in a much better place in my life, is that I hurt a LOT of people when I was depressed. At the time, I was too far gone to realize that I was projecting my dissatisfaction with myself onto everyone around me. I did not have it in me to provide support/guidance to anyone else, because I couldn't even take care of myself. Depression is a selfish disease, but telling that to a depressed person only makes things worse.
I knew that I was not being a good friend, daughter, or sister when I was depressed. I recognized it, and I'm sure your sisters do, too. But at the same time, I couldn't actually bring myself do anything about it. I just wanted to be left alone. I physically didn't have the energy to try to be supportive of anyone else.
I fought the idea of getting professional help. My mom finally threatened to hospitalize me, then dragged me sobbing into the doctor's office (which I really don't even remember...I've blocked a good part of those years out of my mind). After a few months of therapy and Prozac, the world didn't seem to be such a horrible place.
If your sisters aren't already under professional care, I highly suggest that you help make that happen. Or if they are, and it isn't working, find a new psychiatrist or psychologist who will give them the help they need. My first psychologist was awful, he talked more than I did.
I came out of this a much stronger and happier person, and I really hope the same will happen for your sisters. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it.
"Depression is a selfish disease" I do not like that term. I also don't like it when people say suicide is selfish.
I've dealt with depression myself from the age of 12. I was put in a mental hospital at 17 for 10 days for trying to commit suicide. I was on different types of medications till I realized to find my own kind of outlet. (I either use photography or excerise). I believe one must deal with whatever issues are bothering them.
Talk helped me most. They have to find the core issues. Figure out what gets them to the point the get so depressed. Are they holding everything? Not dealing with issues? Is a past episode haunting them? And in some people it is a chemical imbalance, not a "selfish disease". You can't help that. It seems like it might run in your family.
I wish you and your family them best and hope you all can figure out what is needed the most. Whether is be finding an outlet, a therapist of someone to talk to, or medications. Good luck
I totally understand where your coming from. My biggest experience with depression is now with my son who I just got back home. After living with his father for these past few years...he is now 15, and taking 400mg Wellbutrin as well as Prozac on a daily basis for his depression. I deal with his anger/rage issues. He has a history of cutting and suicide attempts. (All of that happened while he was living out of town...surprisingly I was never notified of it.)
Now I have him in psych services and we just had him in for a full psych eval to determine if there are other issues beyond the depression that he's dealing with.
I've watched him go from laughing and happy to shoving his little brother and becoming enraged over who know what in a matter of seconds. I had to run to his room to physically restrain him last week when he had an episode and started completely destroying everything in his room. He's failing 3 of his 5 classes. When he gets in one of his moods, he starts with the "I hate everyone in my family. I hate you. I never wanted to come live with you." And on and on. (But he uses ever curse word and explative he can throw in too.)
Its hurtful and hateful and I know he's only saying it to get a rise out of me. I can't engage him...and when he gets to that point, I have to just be like "Ok...well I'm going to start dinner." and get up and walk away. (What I really want to do is whack him upside the head for talking to me like that.) Then the next morning...he's all like "Good morning mama! Love you!"
It's exhausting. It's draining. I'm tired...I'm stressed...I cry all the time...and its absolutely heartbreaking to hear him talk to the counselors about he doesn't know what it feels like to be happy. To him, depression is normal.
My dad one time yelled at me that he was the one "...dying with cancer." and I yelled back "Yeah...but we're all living with it." Depression is the same way, as is any disease. They may be the ones suffering with the actual disease, but the family and friends live with it daily as well.
Try to understand that its the disease causing your sisters to be this way. Try not to let it get to you when they back out of things. When it comes to my son, I basically have to treat it as though I have a special needs child. Cause, basically, I do.