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A little hurt...(warning: whining ahead)
One of my bridesmaids just got engaged to her bf of 3 years. I am so happy for her, and she's already making plans and getting excited about her wedding next year and has gotten me all excited to be helping her plan, since she's been asking me for advice and opinions like every day.
She didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid.
Now I know, different people are different yadda yadda, but I thought I would have been asked since she had been hinting at it. Instead she asked her sister (no brainer), her longtime friend from grammar school (who she wasn't even talking to as of this summer), and her underage drinking buddy that she's known for less than a year (um...wha?).
Meantime, she's been asking me A to Z about wedding planning, and at this point I don't even know if I'm getting an invite. Now that I know I wasn't asked, I feel like I don't want to talk all this wedding stuff with her, but I'll get mad at myself for acting petty and she'll get mad at me because 2/3 of her maids aren't married/engaged/etc and the other one had a very low-key affair (which this won't be).
Blah blah blah whine whine someone please beat me over the head 
Re: A little hurt...(warning: whining ahead)
I totally have you beat- my MOH and H's brother got married this last weekend, she also didn't ask me to be a BM ("we decided on no family, just friends", and when we arrived, turns out they expected my H, who is a chef, to cater the whole backyard affair.
We spent all weekend working our butts off, I made about 500 meatballs while the BP went to get their nails done. I decorated the whole thing and coordinated everyone like a wedding planner, all while beating myself up about why she didn't pick me. She even had a BM drop out!
I could go on and on and on, everything that went wrong did, it was a total clusterfuck. H joked that we planned and executed a wedding in 3 days, but it was no joke, we really did it.
Don't feel bad for feeling bad, it's natural. I'm still getting over it actually. It felt like they were both good enough to be WP at ours, but we were just 'the help' at theirs. Very frustrating.
HOWEVER, I will post a pic of my hard work for all you ladies to see (before the downpour of rain!)
I know you ladies will at least appreciate the work I did!
testing, testing
For what it's worth, I think the pics show that you and your DH did a fantastic job planning and executing the wedding!
Re: the original situation, I feel for you both! I wasn't asked to be in my brother's wedding because my SIL wanted only her sister and her 'friends' (who BTW haven't even visited her or initiated any phone calls, etc. in the 5 years since the wedding). I was asked to sing at the ceremony, but SIL's mom made it so difficult for me to actually do it (long story), that SIL decided to scrap it all together...until we get to the rehearsal and there is a voalist!! WTF??? Yuppers - my bro's MIL went behind his back and hired a vocalist (that she had wanted all along) and SIL knew all about it...nice.
So when it came time for us to pick our BP, I told H that he should pick who he wanted (our BP was rather large) so my brothers were just fine with not being in the actual BP - they had other roles and were happy to be included. It was important for me to have my nephew as a JGM, and that satisfied the 'family' part. DH doesn't have a sister, so I didn't have to worry about that, but would have asked her to be a BM if he did have one!!
But guess who was all pissy about not being asked to be a BM and didn't let me forget it - was a total pain in the ass all the way?? SIL...HA!
And just to clarify, I didn't do it out of spite, I just am really not close to her, so it wouldn't have felt natural for her to be up there with me...my besties were with me and that's all that mattered!
So the pictures of your "wedding in 3 days" are awesome! You should charge!
And responding to the OP: I totally understand why you feel that way! It's only natural, and I honestly don't think you'd be petty if you didn't help her very much. One of my BMs, who I have known now for 9 years, is getting married in December and didn't ask me to be in her wedding. She has her 3 sisters and one of her roommates from college (we didn't room together because we were worried about that whole "don't room with people you know" thing people tell you about). She keeps asking for my help on her wedding stuff, and is even copying my table numbers (down to the place I took my pictures for them and the frames I used), used the DJ I recommended, and wants to copy my programs. And she continues to say, "If I could've had one more bridesmaid, I totally would've picked you." Ugh!
Sure, I'm a little hurt and really don't get why she feels the need to justify her choice in BMs to me. And she keeps making plans with me, literally every weekend since my wedding, and then calls/texts me an hour before we're supposed to meet up, and cancels basically because something better came up. Today we talked on the phone on the way to work, and she even asked me to plan her bachelorette party because her BMs aren't of age. Are you kidding? was kind of what I thought. Maybe I'm being bitchy, but I don't really care anymore.
Thanks Ladies
I know time will heal but for now I'm still a little "wut" about the situation.
Red- Holy crap you and your DH are superheroes! Way to totally exemplify grace under pressure (of not going BSC about the setup!). The pictures are great! And now I'm scared to try PIP, haha
Yeah, I agree with other girls Moshi. I hate that for you and no, I think you are being very NOT petty. Honestly, if I was in your position, I wouldn't be helping her, and in fact, I'd probably tell her (nicely) "You know, your bridemaids should probably be helping you with this...."
It's both the truth and a booya.
Do the creep.
I like that attitude towards the situation!
Anyways, who knows why the bride made her decision..maybe she thought you've had enough of weddings for a while since you just had yours? It could be a million reasons.
I'd be pissy too. It's one thing not to ask, but another to keep talking about the wedding. IMO it's very rude to talk about wedding details incessantly with people who are not in the wedding party (unless there is a definite understand that they wouldn't be, like an aunt or something..you get my drift).
Reddy, Beautiful wedding!
No worries Moshi...your reactions are totally natural. And agree with Louie that you can very kindly tell her that if she wants all this advice and help, that's sort why you have bridesmaids! :-)
A good booya will make you feel better, but you'll stay classy cuz you'll say it nicely. And besides, if she was just occasionally asking you a question here and there b/c you just survived planning a wedding, that's one thing IMO. But it sounds as if she's hounding you...not so cool.
Thanks ladies, I knew you would appreciate it.
Moshi- I didn't mean to threadjack, nor did I mean to say, "I can beat that", I really meant I totally understand what you are going through, and even after the wedding I am still a little "wut".
Red- It's totally okay! I felt so alone with how I was feeling and hearing from others and how they made the best of it really did help
I saw BM and her 19yo BM yesterday, and it was an ugh-fest. BM said they were going to tailgate with us before the game, which apparently translated into her coming to say hi and then totally didn't tailgate with us, even though we had planned for like 6 other people to be there from her group. She did come over with her BM, and she asked me "so, you've been helping her with wedding questions?" because she has no freaking clue about anything wedding related. And I just looked at my BM and said "yes, I HELPED her with her questions". And dropped the subject entirely. She's really turned into someone completely different when she's around her FI and his friends, so whatevs. It's just frustrating that it takes so much more energy to care about someone and then try to not be hurt when they're selfish than it does to just be selfish and not care about anyone but yourself unless it's worth your while.