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so ladies...
how would you feel if you tried to kiss your hubby and he kept getting mad about it and pulls away? I ask because my DH is like this alot. I am so sick of not getting affection from him and him being up and down all the time with our relationship....we had a real rough patch when B was sick till around June. In June my mom left my stepdad and it seemed to effect Joe...like he wanted to change things with us and make it so I dont leave him. But now since the end of sept he has started to go back to his horrible jerkiness toward me.
I really do not want a divorce....but I just cant handle it all. I feel like I'll be a failure, it will ruin my kids and my church friends will all look at me different. Not to mention I don't think I can do it financially by myself. What to do?
Re: so ladies...
Well first off, big ((HUGS))
And to answer your question about how I would feel, I would feel cheated. If b didnt want to kiss me and pull away I would like he was kissing someone else.
Don't feel like a failure, b/c you are NOT. And if your church friends are truly your friends they will not judge you or look at you differenlty. They will be there for you thru this difficult time.
Married My Best Friend On May 23rd, 2009
Our Little Man is Finally Here!!!
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Sad.
Does he do that all the time?
You are NOT a failure and you will NOT ruin your kids. Staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship is no good for anyone!
That said, have you considered counseling? (Or maybe you've brought it up and he said no? For some reason that sounds familiar?) I really think that you two could benefit from both individual and couples counseling. That way, even if you do end up splitting, you'll know in your heart that you did everything you could to save the marriage.
((((hugs))))
Ditto everything that the other girls said...try out the counseling if he is willing...DH and I hit a rough patch about 4 yrs ago (we actually split up and lived apart for 2 months) and, while he was reluctant to go at first and he acted like it wasn't helping for the first few sessions, in the end it helped TREMENDOUSLY for an unbiased person to sort of "call us out" on things that BOTH of us were doing that were sabotaging our relationship. Now here we are, happier and stronger and more in love than ever....
But, as a person who has been divorced before (no kids in that marriage, thankfully), I can say that divorce does NOT make you a failure, and if people look at you differently because of it, then SCREW THEM, they aren't your friends. You have to do what is best for you and your kids. Being shunned emotionally and physically is not what you deserve.
Have you sat down and just talked with him? Maybe you can get some answers that way. Maybe he has no idea how you feel. Maybe he has some issues going on and feels like he can't talk to you?
And no offense but divorce does not ruin children. Yes, I am sure there are children out there that have a horrible life b/c of it but it's how you raise them to grow up and what they believe in.
I have tried talking to him. He just tells me to "grow up" and says some of us are busy. He doesnt want to do counseling and pretty much just doesnt care about my feelings. He turns everything around and trys to put the blame on me for everything. Sure I'm not perfect, but how is one supposed to act when they are constantly getting denied, and generally feeling like I am just here to clean up his messes. I get yelled at for not cleaning, and then I get yelled at for cleaning...I just cant win with him anymore.
And Kel I didnt mean everyone who has divorced parents is ruined. I just said I felt that way in our case. I don't want to disappoint them thats all I guess. I'm sorry if I worded it wrong : )
(((hugs))) from me too. It's a crappy feeling to not feel love or affection from someone you love. I know all to well how that felt.
If it continues (this is in my case,not saying it's yours) eventually you may stop caring or feeling anything for the other half. Obviously there is a tie btw 2 people when there are kids involved..
But one day you will know enough is enough. I was thisclose to being there. Then this little thing in me just couldn't make that last step. It's scary. I know it's coming, I know what I have to do. I can't go on like this forever.
I'm rambling. But eventually you will know, the feeling will consume you and you will know what you have to do, if it comes to that point.
I'm sorry you are going through this, email me if you need anything.
ditto to all this! Couldn't have said it better myself. Have you talked to him about this and let him know how it makes you feel?