Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Family Picture Question
So I bought a package to have a photographer take family photos for DH parents for Christmas. Ideally I thought the picture would be me, DH, BIL, BIL wife, nephew, SIL, SIL husband, and their daughter...
Well SIL is a foster parent and said she wanted to have her 2 foster babies in the picture. She has had one of the babies for 7 months and may adopt her, but the other baby she has only had for not even a week and wants him to be in the picture.
Is it rude for me to just want the actual family in the picture and not the foster babies?
Well SIL is a foster parent and said she wanted to have her 2 foster babies in the picture. She has had one of the babies for 7 months and may adopt her, but the other baby she has only had for not even a week and wants him to be in the picture.
Is it rude for me to just want the actual family in the picture and not the foster babies?
Re: Family Picture Question
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
IMHO, it's fine for you feel upset or angry or annoyed that she wants the kids in the picture. However, you probably can't say anything to her about it without really hurting her feelings or making her think that you don't consider her foster daughter as a legitimate part of her family. If you feel really strongly about them not being in it, then say you'd like a few pictures of "just the adults".
My advice, vent about it to DH and then let it go.
Etsy shop
Speak sweetly so that if you ever have to eat your words, they don't taste bad.
~Unknown~
Lesson learned!!
Start small, then work your way up by adding family members. You probably won't offend anyone if you add people to the photo, but you probably WILL offend someone if you tell people to get out of the photo (or not join the photo at all).
Start with a photo of just MIL and FIL.
Then add in their kids.
Then add in their kids' spouses.
Then add in the biological grandchildren.
Then add in the foster children.
Boom, done.
I don't think it's unreasonable to want photos with the actual family members, but I also think it's really selfish to not want the foster kids in ANY photos. Compromise and include them in a few.
Plus, it seems counter-intuitive to the actual point of fostering children, if you're going to tell them that they're not welcome in a family photo because they're not "real family members."
A photograph is truly a snapshot in time. At that time, SIL's family included these children. Anyone in the picture could be gone tomorrow.
SIL needs to be sure this is OK. When my greatniece was in fostercare with a plan to adopt, the restrictions around photography were very tight. They won a family scarecrow contest and she couldn't be identified in the newspaper story about the event.
I like the idea where the you start small and build up...
in addition to that...have the photographer take individual families
It's a gift for your inlaws, they get the say in who is and is not in the photo. If you wanted to call the shots, you shouldn't give the package as a gift.
I also agree that it is a snapshot at the time. For example, in our wedding photos, Dh's cousin and her husband were in the photo. They decided to divorce less than two weeks after our wedding. My cousin and his girlfriend were also in the photo, they were married last week. You never know who will be a part of your family 10 years down the road.
I like this, and I agree that you should ask SIL if she has permission to have the kids photos. It would be a shame if you had a family shot that included everyone, then couldn't use it b/c the kids were in it.
If you get a lot of shots, maybe do invidividual families next (MIL and FIL, you and DH, and SIL and her family - inlcuding foster kids, and maybe even one of kids only.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree!
ITA with this. This is how we did our latest family photos and it worked really well (mind you, we didn't have foster kids, but teenaged boyfriends). And if you don't want to differentiate between "real" kids and "foster" kids- then do all of the above, except at the very end just put all the kids in together at once. That way you've got SOME pictures of just immediate family.