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What is etiquette if you don't attend a wedding?

So this is far overdue but DH and I were invited to DH's friend's wedding in August.  We couldn't go.  Do we send him a card with money or do we not need to?  I don't feel as guilty having this be overdue as he didn't give us a present for our wedding and he was our usher.  Not that it should matter...
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Children Photography Photo Credit: Heather Barta Photography

Re: What is etiquette if you don't attend a wedding?

  • Do you WANT to send a gift?  I think it's simple as that.  
  • imagemefindlay:
    Do you WANT to send a gift?  I think it's simple as that.  

     

    this. if you dont want to, then dont. 

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  • If they're friends--people whose wedding I would've liked to attend--then I always send a gift/card if I can't attend the wedding.  But I really like gift-giving.  The only times I haven't sent a gift for a wedding were in the cases of cousins who I haven't seen in ~15 years... I appreciated the polite invitation, but since I didn't really KNOW them, I didn't send a gift.  

  • We send something if we don't attend.  Usually a card and a gift card to a store where they are registered but in a smaller amount than if we actually went to the wedding.
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  • No matter what the ocassion (wedding, shower, ect) if I cannot attend I always send a gift. I like giving gifts though!
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  • Depends on how well I know the people.  If the groom was an usher in your wedding, I would definitely send a card and gift.
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  • imagelittlemissflip:

    If they're friends--people whose wedding I would've liked to attend--then I always send a gift/card if I can't attend the wedding.  But I really like gift-giving.  The only times I haven't sent a gift for a wedding were in the cases of cousins who I haven't seen in ~15 years... I appreciated the polite invitation, but since I didn't really KNOW them, I didn't send a gift.  

    This exactly.  I just like giving gifts, so at least something small and simple.  But if you don't want to, then don't.

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  • I always send a gift when I can't attend a wedding.  I also am of the view that it doesn't matter what someone else did as a gift for me (or didn't do), I still like to be polite and give a gift, just as I would for anyone.  Perhaps as an usher he thought renting a tux (did he have to?) was gift enough?  Guys can be dumb.

  • We usually try to send a gift/card. The only exceptions being one wedding (AHR, actually) when I had given her a gift at her shower even though she requested no gifts. And the other exception was for a couple in the UK that requested only hand-made gifts. Ummm - yeah, that didn't happen!

    If he is/was important enough to be in your wedding party, then regardless of his actions toward you in the gift department, I'd say something - even something small - should be sent.

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