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Is this where I apply to join the "wost moms" club?
I called my mother this morning to see how she's been doing since my father left for 2 weeks in Egypt on Tuesday (sudden trip because one of his sisters is ill). During the phone call, she proceeded to tell me that I hurt them both by not "swinging by" (1/5 hours out of the way) to say goodbye to my father over the weekend, even though I wasn't invited and told them I'd be busy. She also told me she feels estranged from me because I don't talk to her anymore, and that when I called on Monday it didn't count, because I just called to say goodbye to my father. She feels that "something is going on" and she doesn't like it. When I told her I'm going through the toughest time of my life right now, and we need some space and time to bond with our new son, she all but told me I was wrongfully withholding her grandson from her, and he'll never understand what family is if I don't let her visit him more often. Then she went on to tell me that I clearly don't have any understanding of what family is, because although I've been thinking about her since my father left, I didn't want to call because because I've been sick and didn't want her to worry.
For the record, my mother always forgets my birthday is on the 24th, and not the 25th like my older brother's.
Re: Is this where I apply to join the "wost moms" club?
1/5 hours = 12 minutes?
I guess I kinda understand your mom being hurt that you have been out of touch. I would think she'd be excited to share this addition to the family. Is it different b/c of the adoption?
I don't really understand needing to be invited to visit. My family just calls and says I'm stopping by tomorrow.
I focused on this part of the story too much.
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No, sorry, 1.5 hours, as in 90 minutes. My parents live 5 hours away from me, but are 1.5 hours from our place in VT. They act as if that's no big thing to just "pop in." It wasn't when it was just me, or even just us as a couple, but 1.5 hours out of the way with a kid isn't just "swing by" distance.
No, I don't want an invitation. My point is that we had a whole weekend planned in VT. My mother called late on Friday night to tell me my father was leaving unexpectedly on Tuesday, for two weeks--not 2 years. I explained we had our in-laws visiting from Alabama (their first time meeting M), and that it was M's first time in VT, and we had activities planned for the entire weekend. M doesn't do well in crowds, and gets easily overwhelmed with too many people, so we try to keep family interactions small. My parents have spent time with him, including special time we set aside during the week before he started school.
But now M goes to school all day, has tutoring and regular homework after, and is lucky if he gets a hour or so to just chill each day. He's overloaded, and his behavior is showing it. He's stressed, tired, and it's all we can do to keep things moving during the week. So on the weekends, we just want some family time. It's the only down time we get. It's so crucial to our bonding right now, and my mom is acting like she's never going to get to see him in his next 10-20 years. We are dealing with so many bonding and adjustment issues, we need all the alone time together we can get, and she just keeps pushing and pushing for more time with him, and it's gotten to the point that I had to tell her that I have to put his needs before hers.
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Ditto this and Fallin's sentiment about not waiting for an invitation to come see family.
Is there a backstory about a historically difficult relationship with your mother?
Indeed she did, according to my records.
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OK, well that right there makes me think she gets included in the worst mom's club.
You all trippin'!
I can see why you're irritated CS. It sounds like you are doing the best you can, and doing what you feel your new family unit can handle, and what's best for M. Of course your mom wants to see M, but she needs to have a lot more understanding of the bigger picture and of what you are dealing with right now.
I'm totally in with Jen lately. She is wise.
I understand the frustration with the overbearing mom, CS. My mom is great...on paper. But it is just SO MUCH. And I don't even have a kid to deal with
The nerve!
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