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My friend is trying to steal our nanny
Well, maybe steal isn't the right word but when a friend meet my nanny for the first time last week at playgroup ( I was at work) she thought the nanny was awesome. She emailed me and said she asked to be the nanny's friend on facebook and that she told the nanny "I told her that I wanted to add her as a friend on FB so that when I'm back to work (won't be for at least another year) maybe we could work something out together." I guess she is referring to a nanny share?
Maybe I'm overreacting but I wish she would have brought this up to me before going to the nanny. Who knows what she said to her at playgroup. I'm NOT interested in sharing my nanny. My nanny is absolutely amazing and I don't want to have to share her. Am I overreacting? What would you do?
Re: My friend is trying to steal our nanny
"Isn't she charming? We love her; and we love her so much we're not interested in a nanny share arrangement; but thanks for thinking of us!"
Say it now; or she'll bite your head off in a year saying BUTYOUPROMISEDME. She is overreaching and presuming and not respecting boundaries.
My dear friend has a WONDERFUL secretary; I'd kill to have her. But decent people do not poach.
I'd tell the nanny too. "Sally said she'd talked to you about possibly 'working something out' next year when she goes back to work; and I just wanted to be clear, we're really not looking to change your situation to a 'shared nanny situation'; we like having you to ourselves! Let me know if she hits on you again".
Sad reality.
Your friend may be looking to do an outright poach. I've seen these come down to bidding wars. If your nanny is looking for steady work and she has younger kiddos, she may jump.
Maybe, too, you could tell the 'friend' "Here's the service that helped us locate her; they are really good at matching nannies with families'. I would just make it completely clear, right now, that this is not happening and you view it as poaching.
My Blog
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I will absolutely address this with my friend. I have only known her for a couple of months through playgroup but I feel comfortable bringing it up. The playgroup consists of only stay at home moms and I joined when I was unemployed. They said my nanny can bring my baby(10 months) to playgroup once a week so the baby maintains interaction with other little ones. I'm a little worried that if I got this kind of reaction from one meeting with the playgroup, what's it's going to be like 6 months from now? Also most of the moms haven't met my nanny yet, wonder if they will want to use her to? I don't mind if they ask her to babysit but sharing my full time nanny during the day isn't something I want to do.
As a former nanny, you need to make it clear to your current nanny that you LOVE her and want her to be happy. I had an awesome employer, and our relationship was such that, "I'll be good to you if you are good to me"
I would never have dreamed for baby-sitting for any of nanny family's acquaintances without their blessing, and they paid me well enough that I didn't have to seek out side jobs.
My 'nanny mom' had more than one conversation with me about how much they loved and valued me, and that if I ever had any issues, or was considering alternate employment, to please discuss it with her, because they would do anything and everything in their power to keep me happy.
I never had to ask for anything, because my nanny family truly did treat me like a valued member of their family. I would have been stupid to leave that job (worked for them for about 8 years) for any other.
Making sure your nanny knows how valued she is and genuinely showing your appreciation (both in words, benefits and pay) will go a long way in preventing a poach.
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
YIKES, this is an interesting situation. You surely don't want to lose your great nanny, I understand that....but you just sent her into a group of women & asked her to play mommy with others that might need her later....Yes, she might be wooed away by a faster gun.... Unfortunately, you actually don't OWN her and others can ask her to sit for them or hire her services for better pay.
I definitely agree with pp- make sure she knows you are quite happy with her & pay her extremely well. I might also avoid sending her where others are likely to be "poaching" All is fair when looking for valued childcare!
"Nanny stealing is a reality. Tell your friend what sue sue said. And remember to treat your nanny well."
Not in NYC, it's not.
Here, it's considered justifiable homocide.
"You touch my nanny and you DIE!"