Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
splitting the holidays?
Just looking for some advice and to find out what everyone else does. My husband and I have been together 5 years, every year we usually go to his grandparents for thanksgiving and spend Christmas with his immediate family in the morning and my immediate family in the afternoon. Then generally a few days after Christmas before New Years, his family and us will make the 4 hour drive back to his grandparents to do Christmas with them. Here is the thing, this is our first year being married, and we live 3 hours away from any of our family, and 7 hours from his grandparents. We want our first holiday season to be spent together and not traveling tons and tons in the car. We have asked his grandparents to come to where our immediate family lives to celebrate the holidays but they adamantly refuse. We are moving to Asia in January and want to spend time with all of our family, including grandparents, etc. But making 2 16 hour trips driving is not ideal over the holiday season especially with out big move so close. How do we make everyone happy and see everyone before we move but also make this a special time for just the two of us? Any suggestions?
Re: splitting the holidays?
Are you moving to Asia permanently or is your husband being stationed there for a period of time? I am sorry. I did not look at your profile first.
Either way, you won't be around your family next year so you will have a lot of time for it to be only the two of you.
I know that you want it to be just the two of you for your first holiday but since you are moving, I think that you should just deal with the travelling so that you know that you were able to see everyone before you moved. You and your husband can pick a time to spend together and make it special any other day and it will be just as wonderful.
If you don't do the travelling, I would be afraid that you would regret not spending that time with them.
Can you fly to where his grandparents live?
I think it would be fair to say you will only make one trip out to see his grandparents - either Thanksgiving or Christmas, not both.
I go w/ both of the other posters.
It sounds like you both want to spend x-mas at home, together. If you really are set on this, then I'm w/ casmgn- they get one holiday. If they aren't willing to come closer, then so be it, you won't see them.
However, on the flip side, you say you want to see as much family before you all move. So... why not just do what you've done in the past?
I get that this is your first "married" Christmas, but to be honest, i've never really fully understood the concept of "It's our first married ____" as a reason why it has to be drastically different.
You've done X for 5 years. Why change it up now, this ONE time, when you're about to make a HUGE move to another part of the world?
I guess I feel like you can't have it both ways - you want to change what you've done in the past, but because you're moving, you now what other people to change what they do. I really don't know how fair that is, to be honest.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Since you are going to be leaving the country shortly, I would suck it up and do all the driving again this year. I would consider skipping the Thanksgiving since you will see everyone at Christmas, if you are really adamant about the driving.
FWIW - Your H's Grandparents may find driving 4 hours very difficult due to their age/health, so I am sympathetic to them not wanting to travel.
I also don't understand the "first holiday as married need to be alone" mentality. I know we only changed up our routine after we had kids because spending Christmas in our own home with the kids was important (and something most people understand) and lugging kids around the holidays is a hassle. But when it was just H and I, we didn't get too worked up about where we were.
Well, I think you need to let go of the idea that you need to "make everyone happy." You're not going to be able to do this without sacrificing your happiness, sanity, and comfort. This is a situation that calls for compromise, and part of compromise means everyone gives up something they want. So in that sense, you're not going to make everyone happy, especially if anyone's version of "happy" = "we celebrate the holidays exactly like we've always done."
Sounds like you need to make one trip into your hometown during the holidays, and do the rounds of your family and his family while you're in town. Making two separate trips within a week may not be possible.
Agreed with the idea that you'll have a lot of time to be newlyweds, and since you're leaving for a very distant move, bite the bullet and do the driving again this year. Plenty of time for you to be together after that.
Also agreed that you should let go of trying to please everyone. BTW, this is totally a case of the pot calling the kettle black, because I still aspire to do this in my family all the time, but I'm slowly learning that you can't please everyone all the time- do the best you can with what you can and sleep soundly knowing you tried.