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What do you do for Christmas?
I am thinking about the fast approaching holidays and am getting anxiety already. We live 45 minutes from both families. DH's parents are divorced and we see everyone on Christmas day. I hate it and don't look forward to the holidays at all anymore. We always spend the night at my parents and do Christmas morning presents and breakfast with them. Next we go to FIL for gifts and Christmas dinner. We can't stay long and always get a guilt trip. Then we go to MIL's parents house to hang out with DH's grandmother and extended family. After that we go to MIL's house because she insists on having her "own" Christmas with us. Finally we get to go home and spend some time together but it's late and we're exhausted. I'm an only child and have no family in the area. I hate that my parents spend the rest of the day alone although they would never complain. FIL is the same. He's an only child and has no family, hence the guilt trip. I'm just so tired of this and don't know how to fix it. Maybe we'll just take after Five Christmases' and get out of town.
Re: What do you do for Christmas?
That's a tough one... and I know it can be even harder when some people are immature and insist on their own Christmas. Honestly, why does your MIL insist on her own Christmas when she already sees you both with all of her family? Is it just because your FIL gets one with just you guys?
Could everyone come to your house? I know that may sound crazy, but if everyone came to your house then you could see everyone without running in a million directions and dealing with guilt trips. Then when everyone left you guys could have your own time together.
eta: To answer your question... we wake up at our house & do presents together. We then go to my BIL & SIL's house to open presents with my IL's, since it's easier to keep the boys there. After that we go to my parents house to do presents with them. Since my older nephew wakes up so early we usually have to be there by 8am, so it's really a marathon morning for us. We usually spend some time at my parents then go back to our house to relax before it's time for Christmas dinner at my IL's.
We have Christmas on my side the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. This is at my mom & dad's side and is with my brothers, sisters and their familys (which is already grandkids & great-grandkids). I think by this thanksgiving it will be 56 people! I have a huge family and there is way too many people to work with on Christmas. Besides, my parents leave for Texas the first week of December. We do not do holidays with my mom or dad's siblings.
H's side of the family usually open presents Christmas eve night. This is his parents, and his three siblings, their SO's, and two grandkids. Christmas day we get together with his mom's side of the family, which is her three siblings and their families and her mom. They take turns hosting, but all live within 20 min of each other. H's dad side of the family does have a gathering but we have never gone. His sister will take the two kids in to see gpa & gma (they are in the same town as we all are).
As for my side of the family, I can say this takes SO much stress off everyone so we don't have to rush around. Most everyone is around an hour away from my parents. We have a thanksgiving style meal but open Christams presents after! And since my parents are down in Texas by Christmas and have a "family" there, they spend it with them so they aren't alone.
This is the one reason I hate the holidays. What we've done in the past is have Christmas with my family. My family is an hour and a half away, while DH's family is 20 minutes away. So we see them all the time. Christmas eve we spend the time with my dad's family, Christmas day with my mother's family. That being said, the celebration at my mother's has blown up and out of control in recent years, between all the aunts, uncles, and now the cousins are getting married and having kids, so it's become a sardine can there.
MIL spends the winters at her house in NC, and she's invited us to come down for the holidays this year, I think we may be taking her up on that. I love the family, but the running around is getting just a little too crazy.
I should also mention that I'm the type of person who has 'no patience for stupid' and I have a really hard time not telling certain family members, both his and mine, what I think about them. Holidays when everything is crazy makes this much worse.
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This is probably the main reason why I am a grinch come xmas season... We usually do my dad's family xmas eve. Then on xmas we go to my moms, grandma's, IL's, FIL family.... We never even get to enjoy xmas because we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off. We just bought a house so this year we are setting aside 1 day for each family to do a lunch or dinner at our house. This way on xmas we can wake up enjoy our morning and just go to my Grandma's and FIL's family ON xmas. Our parents are complaining about this already because that means they have to have the xmas shopping done before xmas eve...
IMHO you can never make everyone happy so do what is best for you and H. It might make the holidays less stressful.
I feel your pain. My parents have been divorced since I was like 3yr old, so every holiday has been a fiasco except for the last 2yr.
Currently, we do dinner at my mom's Xmas eve and for the last 2yr have been opening Christmas presents that night after midnight mass (makes for a late night). Normally we also stop by the in-laws house to do personal presents with them. And I typically con DH to open our Christmas presents Christmas eve because I am very inpatient.
Christmas morning we relax, have an early lunch at my mom's and then head to Pittsburgh (about an hour drive) to spend time with IL's families. H's maternal-grandmother has a big party at her house that we stay at for like 4hr, then we normally go to H's paternal-aunt's house for a few hours. It's still a BUSY day and it's hard to really enjoy it.
This year we will be in Vegas for Christmas, the 23rd-28th!!! We will be staying at SIL's and spending Xmas there with just her and her husband! It will be different than anything we've ever been used too, but I'm looking forward to it!
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That can be a hard one. My Mom is in Columbus, my Dad is in Northern Ohio and then Christian's parents are in Cincinnati near us. We always do Thanksgiving here and the go to Columbus that weekend (my Dad is in Florida in the winter) b/c I always have to work the day before and after Thanksgiving.
Then for Christmas we do Christmas Eve with DH's family, Christmas day at my Mom's and go with my Dad's side of the family the weekend before Christmas. It was hard to figure stuff out b/c my brother & SIL are married so we had to factor how they do things with their familes too but it all works out perfectly now so everyone is happy.
Ugh. This is a touchy subject in my house. This will be our first Xmas since the wedding and last year was the first year we actually spent Xmas together because I have refused to give up spending Xmas with my family.
Our situation is complicated because we live in Texas and my family Xmas is in NH or VA and DH's family is in CT. Here's the problem - Xmas is the only time of year that my entire family gets together (I am one of four kids and we are all over the place) unless there is a wedding or funeral. My two older sisters have been married 10+ years, and they have understandings with my BILs that Xmas is "my" family's holiday. One sister spends T'giving with the ILs and then has their Xmas sometime after Xmas. DH, on the other hand, only has one sister - who lives in the SAME town as his parents, so when we show up for any reason (like when we'll be there this weekend for MIL's birthday), his entire family is together.
So, yeah, I'm pretty selfish and will not give up Xmas with my family. The "good" thing is that the important things are all done on Xmas Eve - holy supper, opening presents, etc. Last year, my BIL had to work on Xmas Eve, so we moved my family's Xmas to the 27th or so (since that family had to travel from NH to VA). DH and I flew to CT, spent actualy Xmas with his family and then took a train 10 hours from CT to VA to spend Xmas with my family on a different date. This year, I am not sure what we are going to do! My family will be in NH, so DH has proposed that we start there and then leave at 7am Xmas morning. I am not exactly thrilled about this. DH is all hung up on spending the actual holiday with his family and will not agree to spend a few days after Xmas with them - which is what we did with my family last year. My family has to have Xmas on Xmas because my sister is on call on 12/27 in VA. (My Mom is a nurse and my sister is a doctor, so our location changes based on whether they have to work the holiday). We also cannot change things up and all get together on Thanksgiving since that's the holiday for my one BIL. I offered to not spend Xmas together with DH - yeah, that did not go over well. I know I am being selfish, but my fonded memories growing up are Xmas - my Grandfather was buried in his Xmas socks - and my 85 year old Grandmother isn't going to around forever. I also just get annoyed that we can easily have family time with his family if we just go and visit, whereas with my family, there are many, many other moving parts. AGH!
Wow - that was awfully long and complicated!
I guess I'm kind of lucky in that everyone is SO far away from each other that we only spend holidays with one family, and typically for a longer period of time.
Last year, DH couldn't get time off, so I spent Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with him, and flew up to my dad's in Buffalo in time for dinner, then spent the week there.
The year before, we went to his parents' house in Arkansas and his whole family was there.
This year, his family is coming here, so I get to cook a Christmas dinner. I've done it before, with an ex, but never for DH's family.
Next year, my mom and sis want to do Christmas at Disney, which I'm all for since a) I love Disney and b) I feel kinda bad cause it's been a while since I spent Christmas with my mom - 2007 I think.
Because everyone is so far apart, every year is different and I kind of like that - no expectations.
DH could care less... So since it's just my parents, myself and my brother (and SIL and 2 kids) we usually try to do something with my parents and my brother. Although my brother usually ditches for my SIL family. Fine with me...
DH's family does a pollyana, either the weekend of, after or 2 weeks after Christmas, so we go to that.
This year my parents will be leaving for FL early (before Christmas) so DH and I are trying to go there for Christmas. Well, I'd rather go to Florida for Christmas and be with my parents than anywhere else.
As my parents are getting older i'm starting to freak a little about something happening and my brother basicaly gives them the shaft...so I try to be the good kid, plus it is SOOOO much more low key than the 50 people at Dh's family's holiday.
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We were dealing with this same issue. Both of our parents are divorced, however my family has been coping with the split holidays since I was very young so they are always flexible. DH's family on the other hand is more complicated. His mom and step-dad are flexible, but his dad's side of the family is not as much. We actually had been working with them and FINALLY had got his grandmother to understand that she was not the only family we wanted to see. This year we will not be dealing with that since we will be in Boston for the holidays.....the down side is that we will be spending our first Christmas away from both of our families so we may be missing the fight for time.
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The first year we did Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his family.
Since then we have change to one of the long weekends (Memorial Day, 4th July or Labor day) with one family and another of those with the other family. And then we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas by ourselves.
On both Christmas and Thanksgiving We cook a good meal for the two of us, open our presents, do whatever we feel like doing and relax.
This year will be a bit different 'cause we invited our families for Thanksgiving and his parents are not coming, but my parents are staying the weekend with us...but we still plan to spend Christmas alone.
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