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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question about Income (Your's vs DH)
Does anyone make more then their DH? Anyone make a significant amount more then him? With my raise and promotion, I make twice as much as DH. He's made a few comments alluding to the fact that it "hurts his man pride." Does anyone else deal with this? I told him the other day that we got an email saying we were all getting raises and we're getting our Christmas bonus and Fiscal Year End bonus this year too and instead of being excited for me, he said something like way to rub it in. I get that he's a man and all, but I feel like his happiness for me should outway his insecurities, AND more money benefits the both of us. It's not like I'm going to run out and spend it all on new shoes for myself.
Re: Question about Income (Your's vs DH)
I used to make more than DH - but not much... now he almost makes twice what I do. I think that if I made significantly more than he did - it may hurt his man pride too... mostly because I know how important it is to him to be the provider.
Have you talked to him about it? Maybe he doesn't realize that his side comments hurt you like they do.
Good luck! (OH - and congrats on the raise and bonuses! rock on sister!)
Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
I make three times what DH does. It has honestly never been a problem. I am lawyer and he works as a researcher at a university, so we have jobs that will never pay the same amount. He gets bitter about how much I make sometimes, but only in relation to the issue that academic people are not as valued as lawyers, etc. DH also realizes that my salary allows us to do a lot of things that he was unable to do just on his salary.
I would talk to DH - he might not realize what he is saying to you. I was raised by a single mother, so I have a very low tolerance for the "man pride/provider" stuff. (I mean, I can refer to myself as a sugar mama once in awhile and he doens't blink). I would just try to show what you just said - that it benefits BOTH of you.
Congrats on the raise, promotion and Xmas bonus! (I'm jealous of the Xmas bonus - once I moved to Texas, I went from getting $$$ to getting a book light - seriously!)
This. DH is self-employeed and his income has dropped drastically in the past two years. He is very supportive of my job. What makes our situation a little challenging, is that he gets way more "home" time than I do. So when I do get free time and want to stay home, he is looking to go out.
Congrats on the your much deserved raise and bonus!
I also make 2x what DH makes. We don't really have problems. Sometimes he feels like he would like to get me more stuff like trips and such, but that's his only complain. Actually...now that we moved and we both make a bit more he's been able to afford 2 weekend getaways all by himself and he seems very happy with that.
I think since we split all our bills by percentage of what we earn...he knows that we are both putting the same effort (percentage wise) to out bills, so it's not like I'm providing more effort than he is...but he also knows that thanks to splitting the bills like that we can afford a better lifestyle (trips, getaways, dinners) together.
Since DH just had his annual review and got his raise, he makes significantly more then I do. Sometimes it bothers me, not that he makes more, but that I feel like I can't keep up or contribute as much. Then I realize that this is better for US and I'm happy that he's happy & his hard work is being recognized.
You should definitely talk to your H and tell him that you understand his POV but his comments hurt your feelings.
Congrats on your raise & bonuses! That's awesome
Thanks ladies!! DH has always known that I will pretty much always make more then him because of our degrees and fields, but I guess since it's really happening now maybe it's bothering him more then he anticipated? We still split the bills so it's not like I'm "supporting" him, but I have a butt load of student loan debt that he doesn't have.
I'll talk to him tonight and let him know that his comments do bother me.
I've always made more than DH in the relationship. Its made for some arguments but for the most part, DH was logical about it. He now has a job that will soon be making twice what I do and I can tell he's excited. When he didn't make even close to what I made he wanted to be a stay at home dad, now that he's going to be making more than I do, he doesn't like when I suggest I be a stay at home mom.
Luckily for us, its most banter.
As long as the money from both partners is agreed upon on how to divide or not divide it, then it should be a problem. When it becomes a problem, its time to revisit the agreement.
Congrats on your raise and bonuses!
I make more than DH, but it has never been an issue. We both work very hard, regardless of what we make. Harry always says he'll just "quit his full time job to drive a Frito-Lay truck and live off of me," lol. But in reality, we are both very respectful of what the other person does.
I definitely would have a talk with DH, because in the end, you are both benefiting from your income and job as well as his. And congrats on your promotion and bonus, that is awesome!!!
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