June 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Destination Weddings
I know we have a few ladies on the board that had destination weddings (cough cough Rose) but I wanted to pose this question to you all. What should the couple pay for at a destination wedding?
DH and I were invited to a wedding in Punta Cana. We are responsible for the flight, hotel etc. The resort is all inclusive though I assume the reception will not be at the standard included dinners. I don't have an issue with paying for the trip (I figure it's a mini vacation) but one of our friends was horrified that the bride and groom weren't paying for the hotel for their guests (it's a small wedding). So what do you think, what should be paid for and by whom at a destination wedding?
Re: Destination Weddings
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I was in one last summer and DH is in one in April. We paid/are paying for flights, hotel, etc. Both are all inclusive resorts but I know the couples have to pay extra for the rehearsal, reception, etc. The one last summer was an all out extravaganza and they did a lot of extra things while everyone was there...including all sorts of gifts and thank you things for everyone. We paid for our own excursions. I'm pretty sure the one in April is going to be very similar.
We knew from the get-go that we'd be paying for pretty much everything. But, we wanted to go and knew that we were getting a vacation (it was actually our honeymoon - we went to a different resort after), not just going to a destination wedding. This upcoming trip, we are doing the same thing - attending the wedding and then going to another resort to celebrate our (almost) 2nd anniversary!
I'm going to answer your question before I go off on my tangent...
We had a four day destination wedding. Guests were asked to pay for their flight (around $300 roundtrip domestic) and hotel. Hotel costs varied-- we booked a block of rooms at the Westin (5 mins from Palmilla) for $120/night or guests had the option of staying at Palmilla for $620/night. Most of our young friends opted for the Westin, while family/family friends splurged. We provided free transportation between the resorts.
Our guests were told that their presence was our present. We did not register. Once they arrived in Cabo, everything except excursions and lunch was on us. We hosted breakfast every morning and dinner every night with open bar. Our tab was open at the bar of both hotels and guests were encouraged to use it.
We saved for almost two years to be able to provide these things for our family/friends (we paid for 90% ourselves). I would have loved to pay for flight/hotel, but with 90 guests, it just wasn't realistic. I felt bad asking for our friends/family to spend so much money to see us get married, so we wanted to show our appreciation by providing as much as we did. I understand that many people don't have the budget for it, but...
Here is my FF Confession... I think that most weddings at all-inclusives are tacky. With many AI resorts, weddings are free (you can pay for add-ons such as flowers, music, decor, photography etc), but the food and alcohol are included in the price you (as the guest), pay for your room.
Several girls I planned DWs with complained about guests that chose not to stay at their AI. Why? Because then someone had to pay $100pp for those people to be "guests" at the hotel for the wedding (to cover their food and alcohol). Some even forced those guests to pay that fee. Many bragged on the board about their free weddings (courtesy of their guests). Annnnnd part of me died.
I think that the all-inclusive resort wedding is part of the reason why DWs get such a bad rap (and probably why I'm so sensitive about it). I understand that weddings are expensive--- we all understand that weddings are expensive. Do not make your guests pay for their food. Or I'll judge. A lot.
/rant
I survived the RoLex wedding and all I got was this lousy husband.
One&Only Palmilla - Los Cabos, Mexico
Ours was a DW but not at an all-inclusive, so take my comments as you will. We got married at an inn in Vermont. The inn only had 16 rooms and we had about 90 guests. We invited our younger (and therefore less monetarily established) guests to stay at the inn where we were and subsidized the cost of their rooms (regular room rates were on average $150 a night, up to $200. We told the inn to charge them $75 a room, with most people sharing a room so 37.50/person/night, and we picked up the difference). We also reserved blocks of rooms at local places at a lower rate. Pretty much everyone was staying at a B and B so breakfast was covered, and everyone was invited to the rehearsal dinner and a follow-up Sunday brunch. We also told our guests their presence was our present, though most of our older relatives got us gifts anyway (none of the younger people did except my sister and one groomsman).
So, all told, our guests had to pay their transportation, a subsidized room cost, and their own lunch on the wedding day (unless they arrived early or stayed late before/after the weekend). Not one person complained about it. Many invited people sent their regrets, I'm sure because of the expense, and we expected it and there were no hard feelings.
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Choo & Lark I think what you did was great!!
I must say...the DW I went to was at an all-inclusive. But, and there is a big BUT to this one....the bride and groom paid for a lot of extras (as they went well above and beyond). They too did this so they could ensure that their guests could have a good time. They spent more than they would have had they had a wedding in the states as they pretty much had an American wedding in Mexico. They rented one of the resort's restaurants and had the reception there. They had to pay big bucks for the meal, music, flowers, etc. I felt frustrated for them as we had all paid to be there, and paid for the "all-inclusiveness" of the place....so I couldn't understand how the resort could then charge them the ridiculous amount they were charged for the reception. But, I do understand that a lot was included in that price.
They also pitched in for some of their immediate family members' airfare. And, everyone that went was provided with options on how many days they wanted to stay. All in all I think it was a great experience, but it was also very expensive for everyone involved.
Choo - you make a great point though....I certainly cringe as well when people make comments about doing the destination wedding to save money. It can save the couple money (if they want it to) but no one else!!
We're going to Jamaica for a DW in May and we're paying for flight, hotel, excursions, airport transfers, etc. It's an AI resort. The couple is paying for the extra photog, flowers, etc but its not costing them any extra to have the wedding. In fact, if people book through their travel agent, they actually get a discount on their room -- which I think is BS, the guests should get a group rate not the wedding couple IMO. They are having a big reception when they get home (like the next day) which will be a normal all out wedding reception with a dinner, band, cake, open bar etc so the bulk of their/their parents money is going to that.
I think its tacky and that they should have cut back on the reception at home but I fully expected to pay for hotel/airfare the whole time. I do wish they would have had it at a slightly cheaper resort as the trip is going to cost DH and I about $3400 for the week, not including any extras like excursions, but we are looking at it like a vacation and its my only cousin's (on that side of the family) wedding so there was no doubt we were going.
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I survived the RoLex wedding and all I got was this lousy husband.
One&Only Palmilla - Los Cabos, Mexico
I completely agree and applaud you and Lark for your class.
I would completely expect to pay for my own hotel & flight if going to a DW wedding.
I'm way late to that party, so I guess I could just say "Ditto."
I think keb just brought up a good point in her second post -- if the wedding were anywhere I had to travel to (even Northern California vs. Southern California, which is an hour flight or -- if you're like my DH who wants to "save money" -- an EIGHT HOUR DRIVE...) I would expect to pay for everything. If I couldn't afford a trip to an AI resort, I wouldn't go.
I will say that if it were me, I would try to subsidize some of the costs for at least my immediate family (my mom and two brothers; DH's mom, dad, and sister) and bridal party (my four best girlfriends; DH's best man and one other groomsman) if it meant they couldn't be in/at my wedding. Like, if it were an AI, I'd pay part of the room or plane. If it wasn't an AI, I'd pay for some of their meals.