Family Matters
jallen76
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How to help an 8 year old
Not sure if this is the place to ask, but thought I'd give it a shot!
We have a close friend who was in a messy divorce last year and has two children. We aren't super close with the kids (3 and 8), but I feel like I need or want to do something for them. The father is being a super creep and just not being a very good dad in general. The 8 year old is having a hard time with EVERYTHING! Trouble in school, trouble at home, trouble with life in general.
I want to do something with him or for him. But what?
Any ideas?
Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice!
Re: How to help an 8 year old
Well, first question: Is your friend doing family therapy with her kids during this time?
If not, I would highly recommend that being something you suggest to your friend to help the 8 year old.
Wow. You're friend (and the kids) are really lucky to have a friend who cares. I'm going to throw out a lot of ideas, obviously, you can't do them all!
I had a friend who lost a number of their neighbors (three families on their block) on 9/11. The dad (my friend's H) used to take the boys out (different families, different times) to play ball. (Obviously, baseball was something they were interested in, not just my friends H thinking - "ok, boys like baseball, I'll do that). He really did things that they "lost" when they lost their dads. It really meant a lot to the boys.
I would suggest taking the 8 year old out. Out of his house, out of school, someplace that's diffeent and "safe" of bad experiences. I'm not sure what works for you. I like taking DD (age 8) home for lunch. When it worked for my schedule, I would let her take some friends and we would all get a pizza at lunchtime (which was cheaper than McDonalds). Or on the weekends you could go bowling, ride bikes, etc.
Or, if there is an activity that he needs to go to but his mom can't drive him, offer to take him once a week to...sports practice, Karate, etc. Go to his hockey or soccer games (side note: my H lost his mom when he was young. He said sports was a great outlet b/c he was very angry and sports allowed him to act out his aggressions in a acceptible way).
Help the mom to balance both kids. My H travels a lot, and it is HARD when you have kids who are at different age groups / different interests and you are the only one for both of them. If there is a movie he wants to see b/c his mom can't take him and the three year old - offer to watch the three year old and let his mom take him to the movies. Same with bike riding. Have the three year old over so the son can have a playdate at his mom's house.
Listen to him even if he is talking about something you have no idea what it is - a video game, skateboarding, etc. If he's talking about it, it's importat to HIM.
And ditto the family therapy. My school system has a progam for children of divorced parents (and any child who has lost a family member, including by death and including grandparents) for free. There might be programs available for him at a low cost. Also, the mom might ask for a special guardian through the family / divorce courts to protect her son's interests - - although I have no idea what that entails.
Ditto on the therapy, it could really be helpful!!
Like everyone said make sure they know you are there for them, it will really help them having someone who cares and is stable in their life, since their dad isn't.
Take them out to eat or to the park, find something they like to do, and props for caring so much!!
I am an elementary teacher, and have some kids like this who have a lot of instability at home and it causes them to act out a lot at school. Sometimes their aunts, uncles, family friends, etc. will visit at lunch time and bring them in McDonalds, or a special treat. This might be an easy way to spend about 20 minutes with the child once a week or a month.
I strongly agree that your attention in ANY form will be positive for this kid, as will modeling positive behavior and relationships. Have the child over for dinner, take him/her out for a movie, to go shopping, to a bookstore... sometimes it amazes me when parents are stressed, how little attention their kids get- positive or negative. Shower positive attention on this kiddo... he/she is lucky to have you in their life!!