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I need friend advice
So, I have this friend, lets call her K. She was a very good friend of mine from college.
Now, we didn't have a huge wedding to begin with, and because I have such an enormous family, we really had to make cuts where friends are involved. So I only invited friends who I am very close to and care about a lot. She made the cut. We didn't do "+ guest" for most people, because most of our friends are married or in serious relationships and their partner would get an invite anyway, and our single friends for the most part don't mind attending weddings solo. We made an exception in her case, because even though we have the same friends and she would know every single person at her table, along with TWO other girls who she is (a) friends with, and (b) came solo, she is just the kind of person who NEEDS to have a date. (She had actually sent me an email when she knew I was doing up our guest list requesting to be allowed to bring a date - since she went to the trouble of asking, I said it would be fine).
She RSVP'ed that she would be coming, and that she would be bringing a guy she had been seeing. Awesome. A few weeks before the wedding, she texts me saying that he might not be able to get time off from work, so could she just bring a friend instead? I said sure. At that point I still hadn't done the seating chart, so I told her to contact me by such and such a date to let me know which of the two would be coming so I would have his name for the chart. That date arrives, she says she's still not sure, but to put her bf's name down, and if her guy friend comes instead, he'll just "pretend to be bf". Ok, fine. Whatever...the name doesn't matter.
So the day of the wedding arrives. I don't see her at the church, but there's a lot of people to greet and I don't think anything of it. Then the reception rolls around. As I'm going around to all of the tables to greet people, I get to hers. All of our mutual friends are like "uhh...K didn't show up". So there are two empty seats at this table, and it's glaringly obvious that we had no-shows. Now, I know that this happens at every wedding (and in fact, my 19 year old cousin no-showed as well, because he was hungover...the rest of his family was there and was mortified for him, no biggie).
I was PISSSED. Not only because I had paid for her expensive meal, drinks (since we had paid per head), and wedding favors, but also her guest WHO SHE HAD ASKED ME TO INVITE. To make matters worse, she didn't have the decency to let me know she wasn't coming. To this day, I have no idea why she wasn't there.
A few days after the wedding, when people started posting pics on FB, she sent me a few texts and a FB message saying "You looked so beautiful on your big day!!" and then a few days later "Your wedding looked so fun, sorry I couldn't make it!!" With no explanation as to WHY she couldn't make it.
I was really angry, because I just can't contemplate doing that to someone. I never responded to any of her texts or messages.
Then I deleted her from FB altogether. Because I have some really great friends, and I just don't feel like I need a friend like that. And to be honest, I haven't even mourned this relationship at all. I was mad, but I'm not really upset to be cutting her out of my life.
So I just got a FB message from her today. It says "We aren't friends anymore?! 
"
What do I do? Do I ignore it, or do I send her a message saying exactly why I deleted her? Ie "I was really disappointed in the way you treated my wedding day, to not show up with no excuse or warning. I was looking forward to seeing you, and when I went to find you, you weren't there? And we paid for you AND your guest? Etc etc"
Ugh. Not to mention, way to not notice until NOW that I deleted you.
Advice please.
Re: I need friend advice
I would absolutely tell her why you deleted her and ended the friendship. And throw something in there like, "I thought we were better friends than that." Ugh!
You were very accomodating to begin with - with her calling you to ask you if she could bring a date (and putting you on the spot that way when others weren't getting the same allowance due to your space restrictions). And then allowing her to bring some random when the bf couldn't come. And then just to not even show up!
We had 5 people not show up to our wedding day and reception (3 of those were family members) and they called us THE DAY BEFORE to tell us why. But at least they reached out to us to tell us. Your friend AT LEAST owed you that much...and then to play dumb? Come on.
people are so damn ignorant. I swear.
I would answer back telling her exactly why you are not friends anymore and leave it at that. You don't need to have a bantering conversation back and forth until she tries to guilt trip you. it's just not necessary. Say what you need to say to her and let it be done!
Is it bad that I don't know who did or did not show up for my wedding? I was on such a high that day, that I don't remember who was or wasn't there.
I would have to agree with CT. I would tell her exactly why. She's a sh!tty friend who requested to be allowed to bring a date (which you aren't supposed to do in the first place) and then didn't even show up, and then didn't even tell you why. Now, she may have a really good excuse for not showing up (car accident, in the hospital for a snake bite, got attacked by a chimpanzee, whatever), but if she really did, she probably would have mentioned something to you by now.
You're right, I'm going to have to tell her.
And another thing: I have seen pictures of her on FB at other friend's weddings (two other girls from college, more like acquaintances to me, I wasn't invited, obvs) from this summer and fall, and I actually cried.
I was so hurt that she would go to their weddings and not mine, when I thought that we were really good friends.
I can't believe I just admitted that I cried, but there it is.
LOOK OUT, EVERYONE.... J HAAAAASSSSS FEELINGS!!!
I probably would have cried too. No shame in that. It hurts when people are d!cks.
haha dont be ashamed! you considered her a friend and then she couldn't even give you the decency of an excuse!
Hahaha I hate you. It's true. I do, on occasion, have an emotion.
Mostly my emotions are of anger or annoyance, but every once in a while, I has a sad.
I agree with pps. Just tell her why you deleted her and leave it at that.
We had alot of people who rsvp'd not show up, a few were even in HH's family (which I felt really bad about because his family isn't that big to begin with).
Aww J has a sad
We heart you J.
I normally go with what everyone else says for the most part. But this time I am going to say I disagree. You unfriended her on facebook and you didn't respond to her texts from before because you were done. She just noticed that you aren't her friend on facebook anymore. I would say let it go and don't bother with an explanation unless you want to open a dialogue with her. Other wise walk away and don't waste your time on her any longer. Let it go let her go if she can't figure it out its really not your problem its hers.
I would tell her why. Especially since you are partially upset that she never gave you an explanation. Telling her might also give you some closure.
To play devil's advocate, maybe she has no idea what is involved in a wedding and doesn't realize that it is a big deal to flake out like that. I don't know her experience with weddings, but I know I had no idea that it was a charge per person and that exact numbers were important before my wedding. Heck, my mom still doesn't understand that.She could think it was something like just any old party and that showing up isn't that big of a deal.
I would be really upset if this happened to me too. I'll send you a happy to make up for your sad! *~happy~*
This "K" girl is a meanie weenie. I've never even been in a slightly similar situation before, so I really have no advice. I see both sides of it. I'm curious as to why in the world she didn't show up to your wedding, though, so I'm leaning towards the "write back and ask her why and explain that you aren't friends anymore" side.
On a related note, though, I had SEVERAL people show up to the wedding without a gift. One of them was a BFF from high school (but not such a close friend after we went to separate colleges). She was invited to the bridal shower & didn't RSVP. I had to call to see if she was coming and she said "Oh - Yeah, I'm coming. I didn't even know I had to RSVP...." Okay?!? So the day of the bridal shower, she texted or something and said she had the stomach bug and couldn't come. She never gave a gift, so that means either she never bought a shower gift, or she bought one and returned it since she was sick. Then she came to the wedding WITH A DATE (who was invited, but still - that's TWO EXPENSIVE MEALS) and brought nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not that it's all about gifts, but I was offended.
The no gift thing is annoying! We had a few people not bring gifts, but they sent them in the weeks following the wedding. Apparently "etiquette" says that guests have up to a year following the wedding to send a gift, so maybe your friend's gift is still coming? LOL
What I thought was hilarious was that our neighbors (I have known them my WHOLE life, and I was actually the flower girl at their wedding) gave us $20 in a card. That was their entire gift. I was like..."Oh. Thanks for not even paying for half of one meal" bahahahaha
I mean, I don't give a sh!t about it, we didn't get married for the money or the gifts, I just thought it was hilarious. But Dave and I are clearly awful people because when we were writing their thank you note we threw around a few comments like "Thank you for buying us each a Starbucks coffee." and "Thanks for the great meal out at McDonalds" and "We used your money towards a date night out at the movies"
Ok, now I'm emotional AND a b!tch. Today has been a great day.