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Also have a question about Family Portraits
So, my SIL & her boyfriend have been together a couple of years, maybe 2-3. They broke up for a brief period & got back together. I know she's itching for him to pop the question, but he seems to be determined to wait. He has some ridiculous 8-year plan.. maybe not ridiculous, it could work for them. However, during any type of family photo op, she insists on having 2 different shots of every picture she's in... one with him standing next to her, one w/out him at all... "just in case" it doesn't work out.
In my 25 years of life, I have never heard of someone doing that. Even at our wedding, we had to have 2 versions of family pictures, one w/ boyfriend, one w/out. I didn't care, it was my wedding day, her relationship insecurities rolled right off of me. I just found it odd.
Is this something that everyone does, or is it actually unusual? I always wondered if it's some kind of passive-aggressive move like, "See, I can erase you out of my past if you ever decide to leave me."
Anyway, it just popped into my head after reading someone else's family portrait post!
So I guess my question is... jaded, passive-aggressive, or just plain realistic?
Re: Also have a question about Family Portraits
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No, of course it's not normal. Nobody knows who will and will not be part of anyone's future lives. So what are we going to do? Resort to not taking pictures with any other people? Solo portraits only?
Pictures are meant to capture moments and memories, and all the good/bad that comes with them.
Definitely passive-aggressive on her part.
I've seen people do "progressive" family portraits - just Mom & Dad, now Mom, Dad and siblings, now spouses, okay, now spouses plus gf/bfs, now kids, and so on (if anyone is still left to add). This avoids hurt feelings for the gf/bfs, especially when you have Sis in a 5 yr relationship and Bro brings the flavor of the month to the shoot.
But what you are describing is rather mean.
She is inconveniencing the family and being rude to her boyfriend. However everyone seems content enough to put up with it. All of this is very surprising to me.
But there are things in my own family that surprise me as well
It does seem sort of passive aggressive on her part but I don't think it is that strange/horrible to want some pictures of family on special occasions that don't involve a boyfriend. I know tons of people who regret having their now ex-boyfriend in some "special" photos because they no longer feel comfortable displaying them after their marriage to someone else or it was a bad break up.
She is going about it in an pointed, awkward way though. I think a smoother way to do it is just snap a couple "family only!" shots but I think it is a little too late to do that now. I wonder what her boyfriend thinks of this, I can't imagine he isn't at least a little insulted even if he isn't interested in marrying her (at least any time soon).
haha I used to do this! Not to EVERY picture but to the major ones. I figured, 'who wants an ex boyfriend starring down at them in family photos? or wedding photos?' And to ME a dating relationship did not mean "forever" you didn't have a ring, you haven't made that big commitment decision, I knew that just because I might feel a certain way about someone I was dating it didn't mean that it wouldn't end and I didn't need a picture mocking me if it ended up ending badly.
Most of the time though I would just leave the guy I was dating out of the picture though instead of doing two.
This. I get that pictures are a snapshot in time, but my family rarely gets to take group photos because we live so far apart. I wouldn't want someone who turned out to be a total jerk in a family picture. She could do family-only shots without making passive-aggressive comments, though. It sounds like she's pretty much saying "In case you don't marry me sweetie..hintedy, hint, hint, hint."
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Its strikes me as odd that you are having that many family photos ops.
Weddings are a natural place to have the big family picture. I've heard all kinds of fights around whether long-term boyfriends "qualify" for the family photo. The angst around it is tired and overblown - on both sides
So I have to wonder what other group photos are you taking? Baptisms, graduation, what? First, it seems strange that you'd all gather that often for a photo op. And second is seems beyond strange that your sister would insist on two versions. What's the point?
A few years ago, a good friend's family had a family portrait done when her older sister wed. One of the cousins insisted on having her BF stand in the photo.
Whatever. The parents had him airbrushed-out for the final photo that they enlarged, printed and framed for their diningroom.
Turns out, the cousin marries the guy. On the odd occassion that cousin visited, the parents took the photo off the wall. We joked that it left a square dusk mark on the wallpaper.
Good news, the couple divorced, so friends parents didn't have to bother after long.
Eh. I'm not a big "snapshot in time" person, and when I have family portraits, it will be a family portrait, not "family, plus your boyfriend/girlfriend." I really believe marriage should have some privileges.
The only exception I could see is if one of my kids were gay - and hopefully by that time gay marriage would be legal as well.
I think the "one in, one out" stance is wierd, though. If you want to take a "he can't be in, we're not married," stand, take a stand.
Just wondering ...
Is she high strung and demanding in other areas of her life?
This makes me think of the Seinfeld episode "The Slicer"
No, you're exactly right. Very picture-happy; if you're shy about getting your picture taken... TOO BAD. I've been to more than one wedding with his family, our wedding of course, a graduation, a baby dedication, and they do "semi-formal" pictures in front of the tree before Christmas Eve service.
It's definitely more "photo op" time than I'm used to.
It's foreign to me because I suppose I wasn't thinking that far ahead back when I was dating people. In my head, that person was who I was with, and who I wanted to be with. In every picture, I wasn't thinking "will I be with them in 2 years?". I suppose I've always been more love-blind.