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My husband is mad because...

I turned him down.

Ok, so this is what happened.  This morning after my shower I got back in bed to sleep off the extra 30 minutes I needed to kill.  2 minutes before it was time for me to get up and get ready he rolls over and starts rubbing my back, which I automatically knew what that meant. So, I rolled over and curled up to him and just gave him a kiss (only a peck) and that's when he says "So, that's a no.". I proceeded to tell him that I didn't have enough time and needed to get ready.

 Ok, before all of this happened I was on my "crackberry" as he likes to call it, and on Facebook just checking all of my notifications off (it makes me crazy to know I have an unread message). But, there was still at least a 20 minute time span between that when he could've made his move. Ya know?

So, are any of your DH/SO like this? pout and get pissy when they get turned down?

Oh, and by the way, he's still mad/pouting...and it's going on 10 hours.

Re: My husband is mad because...

  •  Probably the reason why so many men don't initiate sex. They don't want to get their hopes up then be disappointed.   
  • How often do you have sex?  Do you turn him down much?
  • Men typically want more sex than women, of course there are some exceptions to this.  DH gets a little whiny when I turn him down, I just tell him straight out that I'm too tired, etc.  He has turned me down on a few occasions too.  You may want to make it up to him tonight.
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  • Mine used to get pouty, and now he has come to see it as par for the course.  He still gets pouty, but it's not the 'hurt' feeling it used to be.  He's come to understand that his 'getting ready' is much faster than my 'getting ready'.  Every now and then I schedule in time, though :)
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  • FI will try to initiate when I'm ready for bed.  I hate that.  You have all evening, gosh!
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  • imageedielaura:
    FI will try to initiate when I'm ready for bed.  I hate that.  You have all evening, gosh!

    This is totally DH, I finally told him flat out, you've got all evening, if you want to get some, you better start earlier.

    He gets a little pouty when I turn him down, but I will schedule time.

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  • DH is usually the one who initiates, mostly cause any old night of the week I could take it or leave it, and it's a rare occasion when I'm actually in the mood all on my own. It took him a while too before he learned that I get tired and ready for bed much sooner than him, and if he wants to get some, he needs to get started well before 1am.
  • As I was reading this I was thinking that I'm glad I'm not married to any of you!!.....got to get you twenty minute slot booked early aparently!        As a man i can tell ou that it definately puts you off your stroke when yo uare never sure if you are going to get pushed away when you "initiate", as you girls call it......

     

    I used to have a woman who did that,..she had a brain and a tongue in her head as well!   Eventually I changed her for another who also had a brain and a tongue in her head,...the difference was she knows how to work them in sync and communicate with me......

  • No, my SO doesn't do that. He doesn't do that because i'm with an adult, not a 9 year old. He would understand that time isn't on our side and we'd make a deal to get it on later on in the evening when we're both home.

    Or...I would live a little and have a 20 minute quicky.

    Either way, he would have an adult reaction to me turning him down under those circumstances.

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  • imageMrs.Masie:

    No, my SO doesn't do that. He doesn't do that because i'm with an adult, not a 9 year old. He would understand that time isn't on our side and we'd make a deal to get it on later on in the evening when we're both home.

    Or...I would live a little and have a 20 minute quicky.

    Either way, he would have an adult reaction to me turning him down under those circumstances.

    Yeah, ditto that. My ex used to throw a tantrum if I turned him down (which was rare), and he'd hold that grudge for days. It's one of the many reasons he's an ex.

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  • Nope. I married a man not a little boy.


  • H and I turn eachother down every once in a while, and we jokingly pout about it, but nothing serious.  We both understand that sometimes it happens that one is in the mood and the other is not.  We have sleeping schedules that are a little different (due to work schedules), so we just know that if we're going to do it, it has to be started before a certain point in the evening or we aren't going to do it.  It's just one of those things that needs time to work out, in my opinion.
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  • imageMrs.Masie:

    No, my SO doesn't do that. He doesn't do that because i'm with an adult, not a 9 year old. He would understand that time isn't on our side and we'd make a deal to get it on later on in the evening when we're both home.

    Or...I would live a little and have a 20 minute quicky.

    Either way, he would have an adult reaction to me turning him down under those circumstances.

    Ditto.

    I have a real man for a husband, not a child. 

    Hey, there's been times I've wanted it and he turns me down. I don't get all pouty and huffy. I know it's just part of life. Sometimes you're just not in the mood. 

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  • My H gets pouty for like 1 minute then he's over it. Definetely not for hours!
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  • imageMrs.Masie:

    No, my SO doesn't do that. He doesn't do that because i'm with an adult, not a 9 year old. He would understand that time isn't on our side and we'd make a deal to get it on later on in the evening when we're both home.

    Or...I would live a little and have a 20 minute quicky.

    Either way, he would have an adult reaction to me turning him down under those circumstances.

    This 100%

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  • I am probably the only woman out there like this, but I pout when I get turned down lol kind of immature I know. I try not to make it too obvious. Really, it just cuts away at my self esteem when it happens.

    Anyways, that being said, getting mad and pouting for 10 hours is not cool.

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  • 10 hours is extreme. Hopefully he grows up soon...

  • I have opposite problem my husband is usually the one not in the mood. Though I don't throw a fit, instead I cry by myself after a week. 
  •   I just remembered a scene from the TV show St Elsewhere were Dr. Mark Craig/William Daniels remarked about his bedroom.

      He said "his bed room contained no TV, office or distractions. The room is only for sleeping and "other" activities".    

  • Pouting? Really? Tha'ts a bit unnecessary.

    He needs to grow up and understand that it's not always going to be a yes.

    And you need to sometimes make it up to him (and maybe get off your Facebook and pay more attention to him).

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  • If your husband is a man and doesn't get pouty your fooling yourselves. If the man doesn't get pouty its because he has another lover and will get it later from them so they don't care that you turned them down Thats a fact.
  • imagebinzy2524:
    If your husband is a man and doesn't get pouty your fooling yourselves. If the man doesn't get pouty its because he has another lover and will get it later from them so they don't care that you turned them down Thats a fact.

    No, if your husband pouts, then he is a child, not a "man".  Self-aware and mature adults (men included) realize that as important as sex is in their relationship, it's not the end of the world if one or both of them can't get it on for some reason (illness, work, etc) and it is NOT a personal attack requiring pouting and temper tantrums. They just have something to look forward to together, later.

    Oh, and you're a moron. That's a fact.

  • imagemonkeygirl18:
    imageMrs.Masie:

    No, my SO doesn't do that. He doesn't do that because i'm with an adult, not a 9 year old. He would understand that time isn't on our side and we'd make a deal to get it on later on in the evening when we're both home.

    Or...I would live a little and have a 20 minute quicky.

    Either way, he would have an adult reaction to me turning him down under those circumstances.

    Ditto.

    I have a real man for a husband, not a child. 

    Hey, there's been times I've wanted it and he turns me down. I don't get all pouty and huffy. I know it's just part of life. Sometimes you're just not in the mood. 

    Both of these above.

    Seriously, I can see being a little bit disappointed about not having time to get it on when you are in the mood, and saying so in an adult and compassionate manner (i.e. "aw, that is too bad....I guess we will have to wait until tonight...*wink wink*) - but throwing on a ten-hour pout?

    Your husband sounds pretty emotionally immature.

  • imageMrsPhinney:

    10 hours is extreme. Hopefully he grows up soon...

    I agree 100%


  • When I was 21-22 I had a BF, and he didn't like to give oral (surprisingly, he sure as hell liked to receive). At that point in my life I could only orgasm through oral or manual. So, if he was in the mood, but didn't want to take the time to take care of me, I wasn't in the mood to take care of him. If I turned him down, he would also pout. He'd roll away, *deep sigh*, then flop down on his back. Another *deep sigh* then he'd roll back the other way. Dramatically adjust the covers, *deep sigh*. This would go on for 10-15 minutes.

    It got to the point where I'd turn him down just to see this performance, and giggle to myself about it for hours afterwards.

    Yes, I know. Immature on both our parts. We were 21, and knew that it wasn't "for-EVA!"

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  • Definitely not... I do it too when I get turned down. I think I am one of the few women that are in the mood practically every day, even when its been a long work day or like last weekend when I was really sick. Just can't seem to get enough of him. We used to have sex at least 5 days out of the week and more than once at least half of those days. After we got married it was great for about 2 weeks and then life happens and we are busy and exhausted by the time we both got home at night that all he wanted to do was eat dinner, shower and go to bed. What about sex?! He's obviously a guy and aren't guys in the mood a lot more than us women?! Didn't make sense until he explained what was going on in that head of his, combination of being tired and stressed and some possible changes in our lifestyle. I understand that sometimes I'll get turned down, but when it's night after night... c'mon! Give a girl a little! So we had our little heart to heart and I explained that I understand he is tired but it seemed like every time I tried to get some and make him happy, I got turned down. It was like now that we are married, he got the girl and now doesn't need to do that action to keep her. I admit, it did hurt the first few times, ya know the only thing I want to do is keep him happy but when he won't let you give him one of the two things men want (sex & food), it makes you think and question the reasoning behind it. I know I'm rambling, guess it might still be bothering me a little, but let's just say the last couple weeks have been amazing :-D
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  • Though it is slightly immature for him to pout you can't expect him to automatically know when it's in your schedule to have sex.  Being allowed to have spontaneous sex should be one of the joys of married life. Sounds like time for a discussion between the 2 of you and a little understanding from both sides.
  • I agree.. sounds like he needs to grow up and get over it.
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  • I'm usually the one who gets turned down by DH. And I understand the feeling of rejection. It hurts. So I can't say I blame him?I also can't say he's immature, just honest. You need to apologize.

    Actually, there is a lot of worth for you in his reaction: It means he needs you. :) Don't fret! Just sleep with him. He'll trust you if you're consistent.

    You also don't need to "schedule" it. But one thing that helps DH and I, since he's not in the mood unless a "seed has been planted" in his mind so that he can be thinking about it throughout the day, is we say..."I want to have sex with you tonight" like when he comes home for lunch. That way, there's not confusion, and somebody doesn't feel like they've been turned down. Communication is always the best policy. Do not ever promise it without following through. It IS important to a man to have sex in order to feel loved.

    Hope my 2 cents is worth something.

     

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