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On threesomes and other things...
Dear ladies,
I really need to get all this off my chest, so please be patient with me...I've been married for nearly two years now, and I have always wanted sex more often than my DH in the past. It has never really mattered because we got some good laughs out of it and he gives me the most mind blowing O's.
Now, when it finally feels like he's catching up, I've started started resenting him for his casual request(right in the middle of a "session" ) last week for a threesome on our next holiday abroad. I agreed sarcastically when he asked me, and I don't feel like bringing it up again to clarify.
I can't help but feel sad about it- probably because of the million things going on right now - I've just found after a month of bleeding followed by a nasty urinary tract infection that I have PCOD which is why I haven't conceived in the past eight months, I need a D&C ( which is basically a minor surgical procedure where they scrape off part of the endometrial lining, and I'm scared even though my doctor told me not to worry), and I've gained 15 lbs which I'm struggling to lose on top of it all.
I'm not comfortable about reaching out to my friends or family about any of this, and even though my H is my best friend I can't bring myself to talk about it. Am I being immature and petty feeling so inadequate and unattractive? Really confused and angry, and wondering if my hormones are messing with my head..
Re: On threesomes and other things...
It's quite possible he made this request in the "heat of passion" and didn't really mean it. Here's the thing: you'll never know unless you ask him. A simple, "Hey, babe. I was only joking when I agreed to that threesome. You weren't serious, right?" could resolve all of this. Or you could continue to obsess and drive yourself crazy.
On a side note, I've had a D&C (after a miscarriage) and the procedure was much less painful than I expected. Pretty painless, really. I only have one bit of advice: talk to your doctor about antibiotics after the surgery. Some doctors prescribe them and some don't. Mine didn't, and I wound up back in the hospital with a uterine infection the next week, which was a hundred times worse than the D&C. Post-surgical infections are rare, but a few antibiotics could have spared me a lot of hell.
People say so many random things in the heat of sex; don't worry about it too much unless he brings up the topic of a threesome again (especially if you're not in bed when that happens). My husband and I talk about a lot of random things in the heat of passion; most (if not all) of which we would NEVER do in real life...it's just a way to make the sex sexier
As for your D&C, I too have had one following a miscarriage. It was not physically painful at all. I never cramped, but I was prescribed painkillers as a precaution. As long as you have a good doctor whom you trust and you go into it with good thoughts, and have the support you need afterwards, you should be fine.
Thank you all.. I feel much better about the D&C based on taylormillgirl and ll7845's experiences, thanks again guys!
I guess I will never find out if he was serious about the threesome unless I ask him, urrghh I just don't want to yell or turn on the waterworks.Or both.
I really don't understand where that desire came from because he wouldn't even watch porn with me ( though I've asked several times) and when I asked him why, he told me that he didn't want to see me upset when he got turned on by another woman. I think the reason am so bugged is because this isn't one of those "heat of passion" requests, he looked like he meant it, and I was totally unprepared when it came out.
I guess I'll wait one or two days, to see if I feel a little more composed and then talk about it. Has anyone been part of a threesome? with your husband and another woman?
No, but trust me on this: If his request has you this upset, (and I would be, too, if it were a serious request), you do NOT want to try it.
Threesomes are rarely right for any relationship. But in yours, it would be a downright disaster.
He suggested it because with your self esteem being where it is right now, you'd consider it to please him. And precisely because of that is the reason it will fail.
If you consider this, you're accepting his softballed theory that his lack of sex drive is something you need to fix.
Click me, click me!
I'm more bothered by the fact that you can't talk to your H about this. He asked you for a threesome and you can't bring yourself to tell him no and why it bothers you?
Que?
Yeah, I'm really bugged by that too.
eta: I suppose it could be something simple like having had an ex-girlfriend with jealousy issues so he now thinks most women get upset over the same things. Still...
Ladies I spoke to him this weekend!! ( THANK YOU)
Well actually he spoke to me..he'd noticed that I wasn't really responding in bed and fished it out of me. He said he did mean it when he asked because he thought it would be really sexy but that he didn't want to do it if I'm so upset by the idea and that I'm the only woman he needs etc etc.
About the porn and getting turned on by another woman thing..well..when I watch shows like Californication or a movie with lots of boobs in it, I sometimes check him out to see if he's "affected"..I do it to channel his energies towards me afterwards- he said that's why he wouldn't watch porn with me, he thought I was jealous!
I was hurt/feeling betrayed by his request, I guess I am crazy and possessive and jealous and all that!! what can I do.. I love him!