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this might be flameworthy ... holiday party plans
So, Andy & host an annual holiday party - drinks & desserts.
We were talking about it last night, discussing dates and such. We also decided that we would prefer that this party be an adults-only party. It's not that we're kid haters or anything, we host get togethers fairly regularly and always include kids of our friends. We just prefer to have this one party be kid-less for several reasons.
First, it's a cocktail party and people usually drink quite a bit. It's definitely festive and merry! We just don't feel like it's an appropriate environment for kids.
Second, our friends who are parents always get distracted running after their kids, and the parents don't fully enjoy the party. Without the kids there, the vibe of the party is different, meaning the parents (and the hosts!) can relax and have more fun.
And third, we don't usually start the party until 8:00 or so since we're not serving dinner and just having dessert, which means it's pretty late for most kids and they just end up being crabby all night because they're being kept up past their bedtime.
So ... my questions are:
1) Are we totally horrible people for wanting to host a party for grown-ups only? If you're a parent, would you be offended by being invited to a party that your kids aren't welcome at?
2) If you answered "no" to question 1, is there a polite way to say in
the invitation that the party is for adults only so our guests who are
parents will know to get a babysitter?
3) If you answered "yes" to question 1, is there a compromise that would make you less offended? Like if we hired a babysitter to watch the kids upstairs so they're still at our house but away from the cocktail party?
I was going to ask this over on the "entertaining ideas" board, but it looks like things aren't all that active over there.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Re: this might be flameworthy ... holiday party plans
2. i wouldnt be offended if you just said it - we are hosting an adults only party! if you wanted try and be cute about it, you could say "while we adore your kids and love to see them, this is a time for the adults to play!" or something silly like that.
2) If you answered "no" to question 1, is there a polite way to say in the invitation that the party is for adults only so our guests who are parents will know to get a babysitter? i think just saying "adults only" is perfectly fine. no need to elaborate and it doesn't sound rude. just be sure to get your invitations out soon to give people ample time to find sitters.
3) If you answered "yes" to question 1, is there a compromise that would make you less offended? Like if we hired a babysitter to watch the kids upstairs so they're still at our house but away from the cocktail party?i agree with the PP who said DON'T EVEN GO THERE. it wouldn't change anything and very likely, there are kids who would freak about being away from their parents when the parents are so close and then you've got one parent lugging little Suzie around on their hip "just until she calms down" and then she just never goes back upstairs... yadda yadda yadda
1. As a non-parent guest, I'd be so happy I'd sent you a separate thank you email. My friends who are parents wouldn't be offended.
2. How about you word the invite in a way that makes it clear without simply saying "Don't bring your kids." Something like "Everyone needs a night out, so we're hosting one! Put the kids to bed, put on your drinking shoes, and come over for a holiday cocktail party."
3. No, people can find their own babysitters.
I am not a parent and would like to think that if I were, I wouldn't be offended.
We do know a few couple's that we'd like to invite over (or out) to dinner but they have kids, and we have been unsure on how to do that without including their kids, so I look forward to seeing the answers.
1). No, there are plenty of parties that include kids, so it's nice to have the option to go out without them.
2). Simply stated: Adults Only. But I'm direct like that.
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1) Nope. I love to have a night off from my DS...no matter how much I love him!
2) I think it is fine to be straight forward but it might be fun to have a cute saying. I like want Dutchgirl said or something like "Its Christmas...why do the kids get to have all the fun? Come to our Gown Ups only party to let out your inner child" I don't know...something fun ;-)
I would just assume a holiday party that states "cocktails" and starts at 8pm would be an adult only event.
That being said, you can find some cute wording or just be blunt about adults only.
Sorry- no help with the cute wording.
My Bio
Married Bio
You would think so ... but that's what we did last year, and some people still thought it was okay to bring kids.
Honestly, last year, *most* parents realized that this wasn't a kid-friendly party and got babysitters. There were just a few parents that didn't get it. Then I felt even worse for the parents who did get babysitters. If I was a mom, I would be pissed if I went to the trouble of getting/paying a babysitter but still had to deal with someone else's kids at the party and didn't get an adult night out.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Yes!
Last year, we just assumed that people would know that a cocktail party beginning at 8pm was for adults only. Then a few friends RSVP'd for their kids. I tried to tell them, as nicely as possible, that it would be better if they got a babysitter (citing some of my reasons in the OP ... mostly that they would have more fun without the kids and that it's probably too late for the kids to be out). The response I got was the "but babysitters are so expensive" excuse. They said that if they couldn't bring the kids they weren't going to come, and then I felt too guilty to say "sorry, it looks like you'll be staying home".
I get it that babysitters are expensive. Maybe this is totally unreasonable and selfish of me to say, but if you're a parent, I think you have to be willing to pay for babysitters, or be willing to miss some social events if you aren't willing to pay babysitters. I don't think it's fair to drag your kids everywhere just because you don't want to pay a babysitter. Sometimes you might need to decline an invite and stay home with your kid if you don't want to pay a sitter. Then again, I'm the mean kid-less lady so maybe I'm totally off base :-)
In any case, that's why I want to make sure it's clear right away that this year's party is for adults only ... then there's no misunderstanding or confusion over whether or not it's OK to bring kids.
Mr. Sammy Dog
I seem to remember you asking something similar last year (or maybe that was someone else??).
1) Are we totally horrible people for wanting to host a party for grown-ups only? If you're a parent, would you be offended by being invited to a party that your kids aren't welcome at?
Not horrible at all. I wouldn't be offended and would also rather NOT bring my baby for the reasons you listed above.
2) If you answered "no" to question 1, is there a polite way to say in the invitation that the party is for adults only so our guests who are parents will know to get a babysitter?
I would just say "adults only" on the invite. I am surprised that people would even think to bring kids if it's a cocktail party and doesn't start until 8:00.
ITA with this. 100% fortunately, we have lots of family locally and i've only paid for babysitting a handful of times but that said, if all my family is busy, we stay home (or just one of us goes) rather than bringing my son to something that seems like it's more for adults. people should not have kids if they can't afford them.
We host a party every year for the holidays also, and it's been going on for so many years, people just know it's not kid friendly. Never has been. Our own kids get shipped to grandma's for the night when we have the party. We have a summer BBQ every year also, and that's very kid friendly, so it's a nice balance.
On the invite, I'd just say it: "Book your sitters now, this party will be for the 18+ crowd!" or something to that effect. It's not rude, and gets right to the point.
Not horrible at all. It's your party, if you want a fun adults-only party, that's your choice. Kids are distracting and require a lot of attention, not every party is meant for that. Sure, baby sitters are expensive, and not everybody has family readily available, but with enough notice, I think it's a reasonable request once a year.
I would either simply state "Adult Only Cocktail Party", or do something kind of funny, like chaoticmum's suggestion.
Maybe I'm missing something here, but are your friends that sensitive? If you think they're that sensitive to an adult-only party, perhaps don't invite them.
This is a party you are dictating and people can chose to go or not based on whether they like to drink, they like the date and start time! I'd say
Adult-only Cocktail Party!
You are not responsible for their kids. If they want to go they'll find a babysitter. I would actually be really pissed if you had this party and I didn't bring my kids but others did and they kept running away from the babysitter. It defeats the entire purpose of the party.
I love my kids but adults need kid-free parties!!!
I didn't read other replies, but here are my thoughts, coming from someone who brings my DD absolutely everywhere I can.
1. Not rude at all - your party, your rules. My only exception comment would be if you had a friend with a nursling that really wanted to come (ie, baby was probably going to sleep in the corner the whole time anyway), I could understand her asking for an exception.
2. If you are really worried about excluding kids, you could say something like, "your whole family is welcome to join us for appetizers at 6:00, but at 8:00 the lights go down for an adults only affair" or something to that effect. Either way, I think "adults only" is just fine
3. Don't hire a sitter. It would be stressful for a lot of kids (to be with a stranger and know their parent is close) and I know that I for one wouldn't leave my DD with someone I hadn't met before.
That said, sitters are EXPENSIVE. (it cost me $120 for a sitter on Saturday so that I could attend a wedding - the going rate around here for a quality sitter is about $13/hour) So, don't be surprised if excluding kids nets you some 'no' RSVPs. I only point that out because I get frustrated when I hear people comment, "Could they really not hire a sitter this one time for my special event? I am so hurt that they didn't come" (not saying you would say that, just an attitude I hear frequently) which drives me crazy, because sometimes it isn't about wanting to come or not, but rather what a family can afford.
Good luck with your party!
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
Totally understandable. I would never make a comment like that to someone who didn't come because they couldn't get a sitter. It's just a holiday party, it's not like my wedding or anything. I don't expect people to go totally out of their way for this. I won't be upset if not everyone who's invited actually attends. It's a busy time of the year too ... so we always expect that some people will have other plans and won't be able to make it.
Mr. Sammy Dog
THUMBS UP to an adults only occasion -- those who are offended can stay home and pout like children.
I'd do this on the invite
________________________________________
Christmas Cocktail Party
Date...
Time...
Location...
RSVP...
An Adults-Only Occasion
________________________________________