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Home Alone
DH travels occassionally for work. He left today and will be gone for 9 days. Yes, I will miss him. However, I will live. I knew it was part of his job when I married him and I am very independent and will be OK without him. On the flip side, I live away 2 nights a week for my job and often travel as well.
But, I was talking to a friend of mine who is very dependent on her H and stated that she could NEVER be without her husband that long and she would probably have to go with him if he left that long. I was shocked. Really??
So I got thinking, who is the odd one? Am I odd for not going crazy without DH for so long? Is is a sign that I am not that close to him? or is my friend too dependent? or are we both at extremes and neither or us right?
What about you? Does your DH go away? How long? How does it make you feel? or Do you go away?
Re: Home Alone
I would say she is definitely too dependent.
It's hard for me because this summer I was home all the time in a 'newish' city where I didn't have many of my own friends that I felt like I could just call up, so the one time that DH went away for 4 days I got really lonely - I definitely survived but by the end I was definitely ready for him to go home.
Now however, I have a job that gets me out of the house on a daily basis so I think those 4 days would be much easier - 9 days would still be a struggle tho. DH and I were long distance for about 3 years so I really just enjoy having as much time with him as I can!
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H doesn't travel for work that much, but when he does, I go stay at my parents' house, simply because I absolutely cannot sleep at home alone. I have this debilitating fear of someone breaking in and hurting me and I will stay awake the whole night.
But as for your friend saying that she'd have to go with her husband if he was on work for that long? Weirdo. And that's comig from me, the big baby that thinks everything has the Boogie Man behind it, waiting to jump out at me. I'm not so dependent on my husband that I wouldn't be able to spend time apart from him. That's just over the top.
But H's mom was like that. Example: if MIL needed gas in her car, she'd wait until FIL got home from work so she could go with him to fill up the tank. She didn't know how to pump gas because FIL did it for her. FIL passed away in '07.
Do the creep.
My DH sometimes will work out of town for months at a time. I miss him when he's gone, but I'm used to it---plus, it's a great oppritunity for me to catch up on my work or drink some wine and watch some bad TV.
It sounds like your friend would benefit from finding some independent hobbies or intrests that she can indulge in if her DH is gone--ice cream for dinner, going to a movie, etc.
Neither H nor I travel for work, so we don't have to deal with this situation. We were apart for like 4 days for our bach parties last year, and we definitely both felt like that was too long! My last relationship was a long distance one, and I hope to never have to do that with H. I love having him around.
I do think there is a difference between not being able to be without H for 9 days, and not wanting to. If my H had to be gone, and if it worked with my work schedule, I would go with him. But if that didn't work for us, I would be fine. We might try and figure out how one of us could visit the other for the weekend, or something like that.
DH and I both used to travel for work occasionally but not more than 4 days or so at a time. It is hard, but I know I was fine when he had to go away and same thing when I am away.
However, at the end of next year, I will be traveling for about 2 weeks at a time with 2 weeks home in between trips for approx. 2 months. That is going to be really hard, but I know we will get through it.
DH is also looking into an internship next summer that would mean 12 weeks in CA. My job would keep me in Chicago. I know we would both hate to be apart for that long (we would find time to visit) but it would be a great opportunity for him and we would figure out how to make it work.
I understand your friend would want to go with her H if it worked in her schedule, but I hope that it isn't necessary for her. She should use the time apart as a way to re-connect with friends and find a hobby.
DH and I both used to travel for work occasionally but not more than 4 days or so at a time. It is hard, but I know I was fine when he had to go away and same thing when I am away.
However, at the end of next year, I will be traveling for about 2 weeks at a time with 2 weeks home in between trips for approx. 2 months. That is going to be really hard, but I know we will get through it.
DH is also looking into an internship next summer that would mean 12 weeks in CA. My job would keep me in Chicago. I know we would both hate to be apart for that long (we would find time to visit) but it would be a great opportunity for him and we would figure out how to make it work.
I understand your friend would want to go with her H if it worked in her schedule, but I hope that it isn't necessary for her. She should use the time apart as a way to re-connect with friends and find a hobby.
Hmmm. I feel like your friend has a co-dependency thing going on.
It's healthy to have some time apart, and to be able to function by yourself for periods of time.
H is a civil engineer, and has had to go to jobs for several weeks at a time in the past, and while I miss him obviously, sometimes it's fun to be on my own, and worry about me, and me alone.
At times I'll have to spend several weekends in a row away for my work, and H seems to survive too, tho I think he whines more. ;-)
Of course if one of us was ALWAYS traveling, well that wouldn't be my preference for a marriage. Too much absence and distance wouldn't work for us too well. But every now and then? Not a problem.
DH goes away on occasion, usually for a trip home if we can't afford for both of us to go or for random guys weekend for softball tournaments, etc. Since we live near my family and I don't usually travel as often but I do go on the occasional girls weekend trips. We do fine, I sometimes actually enjoy the alone time or I'll have my girlfriends over to stay up late and drink cocktails watching girly movies that our DHs/SOs would absolutely hate.
I have a few friends that are very co-dependant on their boyfriends. One had literally not spent a night away from hers in 3 years, until we took an overnight to a hotsprings resort (they both survived, relationship in tact and she actually enjoyed herself)!
I admire those who marry into the military and will be away from their spouse for so long. I know that during the world wars, they would be called away for years at a time. With the lack of communication back then, I can't even imagine how hard that must have been.