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IS there a nice way?
Ok ladies - is there a nice way to tell MIL to back the freak off? I get that my DH is not a detail guy and that in his past (single) life, he probably needed gentle reminders about events he'd committed to attending. His Mom, however, still feels the need to email both of us to 'remind" us about events. We've been married a year and some odd days and dated for 2 years before this. We're on top of things. Not a problem.
I'm a total type A planner. I have to be because, until I decided to quit my part time job, I have juggled a home, a full time job, a part time job, volunteer gigs, and the miriad of other events that we have on our plates at any given time. Even without my PDA as a backup, I can usually give you the general outline of the coming week off the top of my head. It is just how I am. MIL KNOWS this about me.
DH's cousin is getting confirmed this weekend. MIL emailed DH this morning to "remind" him that it was this weekend. We RSVPd a month ago and I intentionally did a "reply all" to the party invite so that his mom could see that a) we saw that it was there and b) that only DH would be coming due to my work schedule. DH's email server was down this a.m. and he's outstate for work so not exactly nearby a computer to reply. So MIL calls me today to "remind" me. I smile so that I don't snap and tell her "yep, MIL, we know that cousin's confirmation is this weekend and as I told your sister, only DH is attending due to my work schedule. We went and got him a card yesterday, we're all covered. No need to worry." This happens over and over and over again and it is usually the same thing "yep, we're on it, no need for the reminder". Apparently subtlety isn't getting us anywhere. I feel like DH needs to call her and say "Mom, knock it off. We're capable of handling our own schedule without you calling or emailing us".
Any ideas for a nice way to help her to see that DH married a planner and that there is no need for the compulsive reminders?? (yes, I know DH needs to be the initiator of this but I get stuck in the middle when she doesn't talk to him within 5 minutes of emailing or calling)
Re: IS there a nice way?
Does she do this with everyone? Maybe she's just a control freak.
If not, then yes. i think DH needs to gently explain to is mom that even though he has a history of not being on top of things, that's what he has you for now
and the barrage of reminders are unnecessary and kind of annoying... in a nicer way of course.
DH is an only child so I guess- no. She only does it with us.
Its tough because I know that this is just her pattern of behavior and she's comfortable and used to it because its been her pattern for 31 years. I also know it is highly correlated to her not having cut her emotional ties so to speak to DH as he became an adult (she meddles but that is an entirely different conversation!). She'll always be his mother but their relationship has never changed into what most normal relationships become between parents and adult children. She's still in "mothering" mode. It seems like most "adult" relationships that children ultimately end up having with their parents is one of sideline support and encouragement. They're not in your face anymore about "did you do this that and the other thing" and of course they're still interested in your life, but they're not so overt about it. MIL is about as subtle as a freight train. 
I dont' want to hurt her feelings but she needs to stop. I know that one emotional outburst from DH of "Mom - seriously. I'm a grown up and I know how to manage my time" would take care of it but he's just not that kind of guy. She's smothering him and in the process, smothering me. MY parents never got away with that - even when I was a kid. lol, I'm pretty sure I would have made some sarcastic comment about how I was capable of keeping my big girl pants clean and dry on my own thanks!
I'm a serious planner as well, and can see how this would be irritating. (At my work, for example, HR will send out reminder e-mails to those who don't fill out their time cards daily. I prefer to do it at the end of the pay period (2 weeks) and submit it at the same time. I resent the fact that they think I'm going to "forget" to do my time card. Really and truly, it will be done and submitted on time. Leave me alone!)
In your situation, though, I would probably ignore her. If you get an e-mail, don't read into it, just hit delete. If she's calling two days before an event, let it go to voicemail. You know it's coming, it's a weird personality quirk... let it go.
If that's not going to work for you, try:
1) Response: "... I'm confused. Did we give you the impression that we had forgotten?"
2) Response: "Why do you think we would forget?"
3) Try beating her to the punch. Call her a week ahead of time to remind her that the event is coming up. (haha) Or if you don't want to be like that, call and ask her some random question about the event to let her know that it's on your radar.
Hope that helps!
Oh I totally wish we could just ignore her. However, if we ignored the email, she'd call. If she didn't hear back, she'd call again... and again... and again. and then when we did finally see her, she'd be all over us about not answering. Blech. (although a golden opportunity for DH to tell her that we don't need the reminders!)
teehee - is it bad that I'd love to get her a gift certificate for therapy for Christmas??