I am new to this, but need to vent and get things off my chest and would love some outside views on this all...Sorry if it ends up being chapters long!
So to start, I love my husband, he is wonderful....but his family is just...let me explain....His parents split up when he was a toddler. When DH was 16 he was left to live on his own as his dad lived a couple provinces away, and his mom was "sick" and said he couldn't live with her. He also has a brother that is 2 years older. MIL was sick years ago, and now claims to still be sick however I find this hard to believe because since we have been together she has only been sick "yesterday, this morning, the other day". I have never seen her sick, she looks healthy! Even DH thinks it may be in her head. She is on disability, and often asks DH for money and never his brother even though she babysits for him all the time and gets nothing for it. DH has told her that he now has his own life, mortgage, etc and can't help her all the time. FIL is a trucker and lives with BIL, his fiance and 2 kids (average 4 days a month). FIL pays rent, bought and is paying for BIL's fiance's brand new SUV (along with his own new vehicle), bought them a new $5000 tv, among other smaller things. Also, BIL's fiance works about 12 hours a week at a grocery store. BIL is so full of himself, always trying to do better than my husband, even so far as to say he is a foreman like DH! I butted into that conversation and said, uh no you aren't. But that is just the basics, what is bugging me more recently stems from our wedding....My parents, DH and I paid for it all! Okay, I can understand MIL doesn't have much money but FIL?! We know he has money, and he didn't even offer or lift a finger to help at all. My parents hosted and paid for the majority of it. While we were decorating, DH asked BIL not to drink too much at the wedding and get crazy (which he has a tendency to get drunk, mean, blackout, fight), how does BIL respond? With a very mature "f*** you" and storms off. My brother, who is same age as DH and single, was mature enough and had half a brain to say 'No, I am only having 5 drinks because I don't want to disrespect my sister at her wedding". What does BIL do? Get drunk, hit on my 2 younger (under 18, while he is 30) cousins really creeping them out, grab and kiss my other bridesmaid twice while she is telling him to f*** off, his toast to the groom was "keep 'er tight" (while my brothers brought tears to eyes even though he winged it), made a drunken scene at the end of the night that upset DH (I think he had a couple tears), and made me cry. Nope, doesn't end there! Gift opening he decides to take off and go to the bar! He is gone for 6 hours while family is visiting and his fiance is trying to call him. Eventually FIL and uncle went to get him, he is DRUNK! Meanwhile, both families, including his grandmother, and 5 yr old daughter are sitting around and he thinks it a great idea to walk around with his pants down in the back, maybe a couple feet away from his daughter. Great parenting....In the meantime, his finance hits on my brother! Says "I'm single, you're single, we should get together later" OMG! Really?! Needless to say, he walked away. Also, FIL did not give us a wedding gift. Not even a card. It has been 3 months since the wedding. Really, how hard could it have been to buy a card at the dollar store even and throw in $20. But yet he continues to pay for BIL fiance's brand new vehicle, even the oil changes! I hope it doesn't come off as me being jealous for what they get, don't get me wrong. DH and I have a new house that is bigger and nicer than BIL's, and both have great jobs, and have everything we want and need. We work for it, pay our own bills and are proud to do so. It's not that I want any handouts from FIL, or would even accept them, but why make it so obvious to DH and I almost feel like FIL rubs it in DH face how much BIL has, but is so ignorant to think BIL would have anything at all without him supporting them. Even when we bought our house, my parents gave us money for the down payment (nearly ten thousand). FIL paid for a $300 dish washer and never lets me forget it. When BIL bought is house, FIL gave them $, and bought them a $5000 brand new bedroom set. What is bothering me, is I just feel frustrated with them all and how DH is treated. And I don't want to bring it up to DH much, because if I see it and feel this way, I can't imagine how he feels. On the bright side, he is really close to my parents now, and I think has a better understanding of what a family should be. Sorry for the long rant! :-)
Re: Wow, family-in-law..... DD
Wow. I'm. So. Shocked.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
@Doglove - yeah I've noticed a lot of DDs this week. Or OPs that never come back to their threads.
And Redlady, yes it was long. I skimmed it but still got the picture. I guess she didn't like the responses that it's none of her business how her FIL spends his money. He probably spoils the BIL/FSIL because he doesn't think they can take care of themselves. That, or maybe he just wants his grandchildren to have nice things.
I think that FIL shares his money with the BIL because um....he lives with them (so he pays rent) and wants to watch Tv on a big screen when he isn't on the road. Sure, the family watches it while he isn't there, but that TV is waiting when he gets back every month. And I am sure that the rent is cheaper than having to pay for a place on his own and because someone is there, his stuff doesn't get stolen while he is away. Seems like a mutually beneficial situation.
The horrible things that BIL did at the wedding -- not unexpected. He is a raging alcoholic with bad judgment. Of course he was going to do something dreadful at the wedding. And the lack of a wedding card? Really? You expect a card from a man like that?
OP, your DH's family knows you dislike them. They probably aren't big fans of yours either. Life isn't fair and families don't always sing carols by the fire every Christmas. Suck it up and be glad FIL doesn't want to live with you.
Lordy.
This girl is way too involved with her husband's family drama. And way too sanctimonious about how much better HER family is than HIS family.
Seriously...she complains about how much money her FIL has spent on things for BIL, but then turns around and says "And my family gave us $10k for a down payment on a house and paid for most of our wedding, and that's what a REAL family does, not give a cheap $300 dishwasher!"
What dollar amount would it take from her FIL to get her to shut up?
Agreed! Don't want to hear FIL talk about the dishwasher that he bought you? Give it back to him and buy your own.
And I really find it hard to believe that your parents paid for your wedding and your $10,000 down payment on a house. Are there really parents like this out there?
Life must be so much harder for people when their #1 priority is keeping up with the Joneses.
Thank you! I hadn't seen it before and just found it! It will definitely be easier to read now
wow! I agree! What an entitled brat! No one ever wins when they play the money game! Someone always has something bigger, better, or given more money to something than someone else.
Just wow... not to mention that was one of the harder posts to follow...
And seriously, who keeps track of how much money other people spend and on who? Who friggen cares? My parents have helped all (6) of us kids at different times with finances, but none of us keep tabs on who has gotten more help. In annoying childish voice "Moooom, you gave bobby more money then you have given to me! I want, I want, I want!!!"....LOL... that's what I feel this whole post was like.
The very first thing that I read is her dismissiveness about her MIL being on Disability.
The reality is, it is EXTREMELY HARD to get on disability without a butt-load of medical documentation supporting a medical diagnosis. If it were easy, there wouldn't be a whole class of lawyers and patient advocate out there whose sole job is to help people get on disability.
So if this OP cannot even pull enought empathy or sympathy for her ill MIL, why would we think she would rational over anything else?
1. She is on disability, and often asks DH for money and never his brother even though she babysits for him all the time and gets nothing for it.
The reason = DH and I have a new house that is bigger and nicer than BIL's, and both have great jobs, and have everything we want and need.
2. bought them a new $5000 tv, among other smaller things.
The reason = FIL is a trucker and lives with BIL, his fiance and 2 kids. Yea OP he bought a TV for HIS home.
3. BIL's fiance works about 12 hours a week at a grocery store
The reason = 2 kids
4. What does BIL do? Get drunk, hit on my 2 younger (under 18, while he is 30) cousins really creeping them out, grab and kiss my other bridesmaid twice while she is telling him to f*** off, his toast to the groom was "keep 'er tight" (while my brothers brought tears to eyes even though he winged it), made a drunken scene at the end of the night that upset DH (I think he had a couple tears), and made me cry. Nope, doesn't end there! Gift opening he decides to take off and go to the bar! He is gone for 6 hours while family is visiting and his fiance is trying to call him. Eventually FIL and uncle went to get him, he is DRUNK!
The reason = he has a tendency to get drunk, mean, blackout, fight
5. FIL did not give us a wedding gift.
The reason = FIL paid for a $300 dishwasher and never lets me forget it. ? you are ungrateful.
6. My brother, who is same age as DH and single, was mature enough and had half a brain to say 'No, I am only having 5 drinks because I don't want to disrespect my sister at her wedding"
If someone has to tell you to behave at a wedding you are not mature.
7. BIL is so full of himself
lol. I butted into that conversation and said, uh no you aren't. DH and I have a new house that is bigger and nicer than BIL's. Yea OP I hate people that are so full of themselves!
8. It's not that I want any handouts from FIL, or would even accept them,
My parents, DH and I paid for it. My parents hosted and paid for the majority of it. my parents gave us money for the down payment (nearly ten thousand). Clearly you have a problem with accepting handouts lol.
9. FIL gave them $, and bought them a $5000 brand new bedroom set. What is bothering me, is I just feel frustrated with them all and how DH is treated.
The reason = Clearly FIL is not a mean person he just stopped giving to your guys because you are spoilt entitled spoilt brats.