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Happy Monday & A Question
Happy Monday ladies! I hope you had an excellent Halloween weekend! I have a question, I am curious how you would react the situation below (Long).
I was talking to my best friend (A) last night who was my MOH and I was also in her wedding last August (2009). A's older sister got engaged in April and is planning her July 2011 wedding. She had booked a venue but recently decided to cancel it because she couldn't afford it. Instead she just booked the venue that A got married at last year. That by itself is really not that big of a deal. But A is devastated for a few reasons.
A booked her location because it was on a gorgeous lake and had an incredible view. She planned an outdoor wedding, photos and cocktail hour with the reception in the ballroom. On her wedding day there was a hurricane, the weather was horrendous. Everything had to be moved inside and the room where the ceremony took place was super cramped/small. It was not what A had envisioned but besides a few tears she was a good sport about it. We had to take formal pictures in the venue's lobby which again was not ideal, but they turned out fine. A had a beautiful wedding in the end and did about 75% of DIY. The other point of contention was the hotel which was brand new did not have a few items complete that they said they would when she booked it (i.e. the honeymoon suite and pool) but A did get money off of her final bill because of it.
So she and her DH are upset that A's sister (J) picked the same venue. A feels that if J gets a beautiful sunny day it will break her heart. As much as she loved her wedding it would upset her if her sister got everything that A had dreamed off. Since the hotel is now completely finished J will also have the honeymoon suite etc. A and J live in a big city with lots of hotels to choose from. A even researched a bunch of other options for J, but J went with A's venue because it was easier since she already knew what it was like/food was like. She is also already using all of A's chair covers/sash, the same minister who is a family friend of A's hubby and has not relation to J, wants same set-up for ceremony, using a lot of the other vendors that A used as well, and about 75% of the guests will be the same. A is worried since J is not crafty at all and lacks motivation that she will try to copy eveything A did for her wedding. I know J and I tend to agree that she will try to copy what A did because everyone raved about what a great wedding it was.
So my question is would you be upset if a family member booked your same venue and was re-creating a lot of the same things you did for your wedding? Why or Why not?
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
Re: Happy Monday & A Question
Honestly, I know it was mentioned on TK a lot, but you only get one day. Yes, does it suck that her sister picked the same venue... absolutely. Will it be disheartening if her sister has the "picture perfect" day that she didn't? Yes. But she really needs to remember all the great aspects of her wedding day and not dwell on the negatives. I know it is easier said than done but harping on the negative parts of your wedding day still over a year later really isn't healthy.
Would you be upset if a family member booked your same venue and was re-creating a lot of the same things you did for your wedding? If family members in my family did this, everyone would just be mad at each other! While we haven't had our weddings in the same venue (as they were all in different states) all of our "themes" have been black and white. Black dresses for the bridesmaids, a mixture of tall and short white centerpieces, etc. I also have a CW whose sister was just proposed to in the exact same way she was. Her sister is getting married next year and wants to have it at the same place, same "style", etc. It doesn't bother my CW one bit, in fact she's more afraid that her wedding from 5+ years ago will overshaddow her sister's affair since everyone will remember the last time they were there and she doesn't think it is fair to her sister if that does happen.
ETA: and I should mentioned that at our hotel, we were promised the one and only suite as long as we had x number of rooms booked. That afternoon when DH went to check in they told him that we didn't get the suite anymore. I was furious since it was in our contract but obviously someone willing to pay money for it means more than just comping it for a bride/groom who fulfills their room block. In some ways I'm glad we didn't end up getting it because I know we wouldn't have enjoyed it after all the errands we ran after the reception (for things we forgot at our respective parent's houses and DH passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow).
This story makes me sad. If this was one of my family members or friends I would be so flattered if they chose the same venue and wanted to do a lot of things that I did. That means that my wedding was exactly what I wanted it to be: a really fun party that my guests enjoyed. I don't understand being upset. To me it sounds like there is a deep seeded jealousy issue here.
I agree with this 100%. I do understand why she is upset because the weather did ruin some aspects of her wedding, but I can't see her sister re-creating the same exact wedding but better. A put way too much into her DIY, I know J will not have the same amount of motivation. I tried to cheer her up last night, but I think there are some other family issues that are contributing to her being upset. J tends to copy everything A does, her engagement ring is exactly the same as A's which is not a big deal but you can see where this is going. I was curious as to what you ladies would think. I personally think A is overracting, but I also know how her sister is so none of this surprises me in the least (we were all in the same sorority, J is only 2 years older).
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
My mom would always remind me that copying is a form of flattery. It never helped and I was always upset when someone copied me.
If I were A, I would be upset that J was taking an easier route than doing her own research. I would be mourning the loss of my dream day regardless if my sister chose the same vendors.
If I had to choose which venue to request a change, I would for sure pick the ceremony/reception site. A hotel is a hotel and there's a good chance staying there might not be all it's cracked up to be simply because of how tiring a wedding day can be.
The only thing I would be worried about is people getting to J's wedding and saying "Heeyy, this stuff looks familiar..."
Other than that, I wouldn't care. I mean, A's day was special and J's will be too for different reasons.