I am not one to post something negative about H b/c he is really a great person. However, I'm at my whit's end w/ his incessant need to prove me wrong!! Ugh!
We were at the Bengals game yest and a song started playing. He asked me who it was. I said I'm pretty sure is Nickelback or at least Chad Kroeger (lead singer). He asks if I'm sure, and I say pretty sure; its gotta be darn close!
Today I check my email and the p*ssant went to the trouble of (a) sending me an email w/ the video in it and (b) saying "I was pretty sure you were wrong b/c so and so listened to it last year and he isn't bad enough to like Nickelback". WTF?!
Damnnnnnn you, can't you just let crap go?! No, I never hear the end of it. He does this EVERY.FREAKING.TIME!!! I can't even think of enough expletives right now!
Update: This is what I decided to reply with b/c my day is not going that well, and this just cut me to the core. I'm prob being a bit sensitive about this, I will admit it, but we JUST talked about him doing this a few weeks ago and he said he would stop.
"I love you, but I do not have to like you right now. I get sick of you
needing to prove your point and making sure you correct me. From now
on, I'm not answering your questions when you ask me something that I
will more than likely screw up and get wrong. You make me feel<.>
this big when you do this. You can remember to correct me when I'm
wrong, but you can't remember to put your clothes in the dirty clothes
pile or take them to the basement when its full, but you can damn sure
remember to look something up to make sure you correct me when I'm
wrong. God forbid I'm actually wrong on something; oh the horror! I
didn't need yet another slap in my face after the day I'm having. But
thanks. I'm sorry, but you really hurt my feelings doing this". ![]()
Re: I love H but seriously?! (vent)
HA!! My husband does the EXACT same thing! Even when I know for a fact I am right, he googles it to check. He can never let me be right even when I am completely sure. I can never say I am mostly sure about something because there is no way he would let it go.
Your response sounds great to me! Hopefully he gets it soon that he needs to lay off a little. What is it with these guys always needing to be right???? I just can not fully explain how familiar this is to me and how much I feel your pain!
This! His last response to me (when this happened previously) was "well I don't want you going around w/ the wrong information". Who cares?! I am not so worried about being right 100% of the time. I'm human and its normal to make mistakes.
I'M glad that its not just me! I know he doesn't get why it upsets me so much, but I (like you) almost started crying. Its so stupid. I don't care if I'm wrong. Is that something that is pertinent to my existence? No. I think some guys just don't get how much things like that hurt us. My feelings are hurt every time he feels it necessary to google something to prove he's right, and he doesn't understand why. It makes me feel like a big dumby!
I'd tell him that it's not about what you say so much as how you say it. He's correcting you from a place that makes you feel little and stupid. If he said it as if he were your partner and not your professor, it might change the dynamic. There are whole zip codes of difference between his approach and just saying "Hey - I looked up that song I asked you about yesterday and it turns out it was X singer. I never realized how similar he sounded to Y that you named."
From experience, I can tell you that a great way to get him to stop that or put some more thought into what he's saying is to call him out when he does it every single time until he makes the changes a habit. When he squashes your feelings say "Ouch. Can we work together to re-phrase what you just said to me so that it's helpful and not hurtful?" Then walk him through the partner wording. It's frustrating at first, but it can help change the communication pattern.
I'd tell him that it's not about what you say so much as how you say it. He's correcting you from a place that makes you feel little and stupid.
Ding ding ding!! Mine can say some stupid things in a very hurtful tone. He learned this growing up-I know, I've seen it my ILs. On the other hand I grew up with a family that was very "nice"-except that we ended up bottling everything up until we exploded. I'm doing better at telling DH when I don't like his tone but it's hard. sometimes it's hard to be calm & rational, not screaming or crying.
There must be some kind of "must ALWAYS be right" gene attached to the male chromosome. My H's comes out in a slightly different way - he criticizes things that I do. Everything from loading the dishwasher to how I drive. I have to grit my teeth and uber-politely tell him that if he wants me to continue to drive/load the dishwasher/do the laundry/be a happy freaking wife, then it's in his best interest to choose his battles wisely.
Of course, there's always the old standby that I use with my clients: "I feel ______ when you ______ because _______. I would like you to ______."
I think sometimes my H gets sick of arguing with a therapist.
OK, I think I've got it figured out. These men are all married to intelligent, beautiful women. They're bound to feel a bit insecure sometimes. My H (and don't you dare tell him I told you this) is one of the smartest people I know, but he's told me he feels intimidated that I have more education than he does. So I think sometimes his ego needs him to say, "Sure, she's got an advanced degree, but what the hell's up with the way she loads the dishwasher?!" Sure, this isn't the best or most effective way to deal with insecurity, but who's ever known a man to typically choose the most effective way to do things?
So my advice: let him have his Nickelback ego boost, if that's what it takes for him to feel like he can keep up with such an awesome wife.