Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Super nervous, but curious....
Basically because I haven't done it and I'm curious. What are your thoughts on anal sex? I've tried a few times with my H, but it hurt so we stopped right away. Anyone just say no to it? Or any tips? I'm not sure I'm someone who will ever enjoy it, but I'm willing to try.
Re: Super nervous, but curious....
I'm not in to even trying it, and the hubs isn't all that curious about it either, haha...but I thought this blog link would help you out a bit if you want to continue trying it. I listen to a radio show that this gal is on, and she's the resident anal sex "expert." She's always saying that the position you try it in is very important. Basically you need to be in a position where you're legs aren't working hard (lie down) so if you've been trying it doggy style or with you on top, that could be part of why it's hurting. Anyhow, lots of good information here:
http://dirtymarieonline.com/2010/08/17/so-you-want-to-try-anal/
Ditto this. A huge factor is being comfortable. Both w/ position and your partner. With my XH anal sex was not pleasurable for me at all. I think it was both positioning and the fact that I felt pressured into it. With my current boyfriend its great, I'm much more comfortable with him sexually and for me the position that feels the best is laying flat on the bed or on my side.
Done right it feels naughty and forbidden for myself. Not uncomfortable or painful but a little "odd". DH finds it very erotic to have the "forbidden" and enjoys the extra sensation of tightness. He lasts only a few strokes and most and about 1 or 2 if I squeeze him.
If you insist on finding anal painful and harmful do to some ideas in your head. It will be painful.
I tried it; it felt like I had to take a giant dump. Seriously.
If you want to give it a go, I just echo the lots of lube/go slowly camp. Relax. My H made sure I got off first, and I was totally relaxed and happy before he started. It didn't hurt me at all, but I'm sure it could have if he hadn't gone about it just right.
Anal, much like vodka, is kind of an acquired taste. Trouble is, for a lot of women the first experience is uncomfortable so they have no desire to try it again and again until it is comfortable.
Lube, lube, lube. Someone mentioned desensitizing anal lube, but that's not always a good idea -- pain is your body's way of telling you something's not right, and if you block those pain receptors you could actually end up doing damage. I recommend any kind of gel lube (Astroglide makes a decent one, comes in a purple tube), because it is thicker and longer-lasting than standard lube. And you NEED this, because unless your vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating.
Something you may want to try is the use of a butt plug. If you just freaked out at the thought of some monstrous fist-sized implement going into your butt, stay with me a second here
Part of anal is just getting used to both the idea and the feeling of something going in through the out door. The more you can get used to this feeling on your own without the pressure of worrying about whether your husband is enjoying sex, the easier your life will be. They make buttplugs in every size from teeny-tiny up to no-way-in-hell; Extreme Restraints even makes an Anal Trainer set with three different sizes: http://www.extremerestraints.com/butt-plugs_1/anal-trainer-set_801.html
Go slowly, slowly, slowly. You may want to try doing this on your hands and knees, with your DH holding his penis steady so that you can just back up onto it. That way, you control the speed and the depth of the penetration.
This can be very enjoyable, so if it's something you're genuinely interested in, don't get scared off or skeeved out!