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I need to vent...

I am not one to post something negative about H b/c he is really a great person.  However, I'm at my whit's end w/ his incessant need to prove me wrong!!  Ugh!


We were at the Bengals game yest and a song started playing.  He asked me who it was.  I said I'm pretty sure is Nickelback or at least Chad Kroeger (lead singer).  He asks if I'm sure, and I say pretty sure; its gotta be darn close!

Today I check my email and the p*ssant went to the trouble of (a) sending me an email w/ the video in it and (b) saying "I was pretty sure you were wrong b/c so and so listened to it last year and he isn't bad enough to like Nickelback".  WTF?!

Damnnnnnn you, can't you just let crap go?!  No, I never hear the end of it.  He does this EVERY.FREAKING.TIME!!!  I can't even think of enough expletives right now!

Update:  This is what I decided to reply with b/c my day is not going that well, and this just cut me to the core.  I'm prob being a bit sensitive about this, I will admit it, but we JUST talked about him doing this a few weeks ago and he said he would stop.

"I love you, but I do not have to like you right now.  I get sick of you needing to prove your point and making sure you correct me.  From now on, I'm not answering your questions when you ask me something that I will more than likely screw up and get wrong.  You make me feel<.> this big when you do this.  You can remember to correct me when I'm wrong, but you can't remember to put your clothes in the dirty clothes pile or take them to the basement when its full, but you can damn sure remember to look something up to make sure you correct me when I'm wrong.  God forbid I'm actually wrong on something; oh the horror!  I didn't need yet another slap in my face after the day I'm having.  But thanks.  I'm sorry, but you really hurt my feelings doing this".  Crying

Do I care if I occasionally get something wrong?  No, I'm human.  Is my H the only one that does this?!

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Re: I need to vent...

  • image101709lovey:
    "I love you, but I do not have to like you right now.  I get sick of you needing to prove your point and making sure you correct me.  From now on, I'm not answering your questions when you ask me something that I will more than likely screw up and get wrong.  You make me feel<.> this big when you do this.  You can remember to correct me when I'm wrong, but you can't remember to put your clothes in the dirty clothes pile or take them to the basement when its full, but you can damn sure remember to look something up to make sure you correct me when I'm wrong.  God forbid I'm actually wrong on something; oh the horror!  I didn't need yet another slap in my face after the day I'm having.  But thanks.  I'm sorry, but you really hurt my feelings doing this".

    (I like the arguement you made above.  I may use that in the future.)

    What's weird is how inconsequential it is.  So what if it's Nickelback or whatever?  Why does it even matter a day later? I mean, I can see how he might want to correct you on something that's going to matter in the future, but that's just weird. 

    Here:

    image 

  • I actually had a similar conversation with DH about his pointing out my typos on FB. I can't correct them after the fact, so why make me feel stupid? He wasn't intending to, he's just a stickler for grammar and spelling and punctuation, etc. (MIL taught English an is a major literary junkie, as is DH). I got upset about it and told him how it made me feel (just like you did), and he stopped. In fact, I found my own major typo (I sounded like a total hick!) and he said nothing about it until after I was laughing at myself. I think you did the right thing by telling him how it makes you feel, though it sounds like he didn't get the message last time you discussed this issue. It's kind of sad to say, but maybe avoiding answering his questions unless you're absolutely sure of the answer is the only way to keep this from happening over and over again. It sounds like it's in his nature to investigate EVERYTHING and in doing so, he hurts your feelings.
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  • imageKaren2905:
    image101709lovey:
    "I love you, but I do not have to like you right now.  I get sick of you needing to prove your point and making sure you correct me.  From now on, I'm not answering your questions when you ask me something that I will more than likely screw up and get wrong.  You make me feel<.> this big when you do this.  You can remember to correct me when I'm wrong, but you can't remember to put your clothes in the dirty clothes pile or take them to the basement when its full, but you can damn sure remember to look something up to make sure you correct me when I'm wrong.  God forbid I'm actually wrong on something; oh the horror!  I didn't need yet another slap in my face after the day I'm having.  But thanks.  I'm sorry, but you really hurt my feelings doing this".

    (I like the arguement you made above.  I may use that in the future.)

    What's weird is how inconsequential it is.  So what if it's Nickelback or whatever?  Why does it even matter a day later? I mean, I can see how he might want to correct you on something that's going to matter in the future, but that's just weird. 

    Here:

    image 

    That was my point exactly the last time he did this!!  I don't understand the upside to going out of your way to google something to intentionally prove me wrong.  He drives me bonkers about this b/c when I tell him that I don't do this to him and his response is "well I'm never wrong".  Just wait...  I feel bad griping about this b/c its dumb, but he obviously doesn't listen when I ask him to stop.  Embarrassed

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  • image101709lovey:

    That was my point exactly the last time he did this!!  I don't understand the upside to going out of your way to google something to intentionally prove me wrong.  He drives me bonkers about this b/c when I tell him that I don't do this to him and his response is "well I'm never wrong".  Just wait...  I feel bad griping about this b/c its dumb, but he obviously doesn't listen when I ask him to stop.  Embarrassed

    DH: "Well I'm never wrong." 

    YOU: "You're wrong about calling me out on this (*&#$^@."

  • imageKaren2905:
    image101709lovey:

    That was my point exactly the last time he did this!!  I don't understand the upside to going out of your way to google something to intentionally prove me wrong.  He drives me bonkers about this b/c when I tell him that I don't do this to him and his response is "well I'm never wrong".  Just wait...  I feel bad griping about this b/c its dumb, but he obviously doesn't listen when I ask him to stop.  Embarrassed

    DH: "Well I'm never wrong." 

    YOU: "You're wrong about calling me out on this (*&#$^@."

    Yes.  This is definitely the wrong way to keep marital harmony.

    image
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  • My DH does this a lot to.  That's just how he operates.  I knew that going in and now I'm used to it, but at the beginning, it made me feel dumb.  Here's how I cope: I just don't care.  I know that sounds harsh, but that's what I have to do.  If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, let him showboat about it, I don't care.  I've even come to the point of over-exaggerating things like, "yes honey, you were right and I was wrong."  Just to let him prove his point but to also prove that I don't give a crap.  Or, I just don't give an answer... "who sings that song?"  "Eh, I don't know.  We'll look it up later."

    If we ever start an argument about something like this (who sings a song or something), I end it as soon as I recognize it's an argument.  I don't care if I really really think I'm right, I just give up.  Who cares?

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    Oh, and another suggestion would be to get a smartphone with Internet access.  When it comes to a conversation starter like, "who sings that song" a smartphone can work wonders.  You find out the answer right away and nobody is right and nobody is wrong.

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  • imagekelliejo83:

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    ... I'm not going to lie to you, Kellie... reading this makes me sad.  If you went to your husband and said that he hurt your feelings, you're saying that wouldn't help?  At all?

  • imageKaren2905:
    imagekelliejo83:

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    ... I'm not going to lie to you, Kellie... reading this makes me sad.  If you went to your husband and said that he hurt your feelings, you're saying that wouldn't help?  At all?

    I agree. I told my husband that what he was doing hurt my feelings (see my response above about FB typos), and knowing that, he now does everything in his power not to do it anymore. And saying "boys don't change" is a cop-out IMHO. These are MEN we are talking about and they should be perfectly capable of adapting their behavior if it is hurtful to the ones they love (just like we would if the roles were reversed). It's not about being "laid back". it's letting him get away with it because you gave up. Just sayin'.

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  • imageKaren2905:
    imagekelliejo83:

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    ... I'm not going to lie to you, Kellie... reading this makes me sad.  If you went to your husband and said that he hurt your feelings, you're saying that wouldn't help?  At all?

    I didn't mean for that to sound sad, it's just realistic.  I know my DH all too well.  He's a very "oh, get over it" kind of person and he jokes and is sarcastic ALL the time.  He doesn't do anything to purposefully hurt my feelings or make me feel bad.  Knowing that is enough for me and I don't let anything get to me. 

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  • imagekelliejo83:
    imageKaren2905:
    imagekelliejo83:

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    ... I'm not going to lie to you, Kellie... reading this makes me sad.  If you went to your husband and said that he hurt your feelings, you're saying that wouldn't help?  At all?

    I didn't mean for that to sound sad, it's just realistic.  I know my DH all too well.  He's a very "oh, get over it" kind of person and he jokes and is sarcastic ALL the time.  He doesn't do anything to purposefully hurt my feelings or make me feel bad.  Knowing that is enough for me and I don't let anything get to me. 

    Fair enough.

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  • Thanks for all your advice, Ladies.  I'm kinda dreading opening my email today to see if he had the ballz to respond back after I did.  I didn't get home until late last night (I work all day then have class until 9:30pm) and the most communication I had with him since I responded to him was a few text messages.  He knew I was ticked, so maybe if he's smart (hehe!) he'll have just let it be.

    I know its never easy having someone stomp on your feelings, but I was sick of it yest b/c it reminded me that we just talked about him doing this a few weeks ago.  I'm going through a bit of a rough time right now anyway trying to deal with school, working f/t at a job I HATE!, and spending every waking minute on homework.  I have no life and I'm extremely burnt out!  Indifferent

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  • imagekelnyc:
    imageKaren2905:
    imagekelliejo83:

    Oh, and telling my DH it "hurt my feelings" wouldn't help at all.  And, boys don't really change, so these are my only suggestions.  Maybe I'm more laid-back than the rest of the world, but it's how I deal and it works.

    ... I'm not going to lie to you, Kellie... reading this makes me sad.  If you went to your husband and said that he hurt your feelings, you're saying that wouldn't help?  At all?

    I agree. I told my husband that what he was doing hurt my feelings (see my response above about FB typos), and knowing that, he now does everything in his power not to do it anymore. And saying "boys don't change" is a cop-out IMHO. These are MEN we are talking about and they should be perfectly capable of adapting their behavior if it is hurtful to the ones they love (just like we would if the roles were reversed). It's not about being "laid back". it's letting him get away with it because you gave up. Just sayin'.

    EXACTLY this.  Anyone can change their behavior if they WANT to.  It may not be easy to change, but they're more than able to.  If you find yourself having the same arguments over and over, then it's obvious they don't want to change their behavior even though they know it's hurtful to you.  I have an ex-boyfriend who also did this know-it-all routine- he also felt the need to win EVERY argument we ever had.  Finally I would just say "you're right" to be done with it and not argue anymore.  One of the major reasons he's my ex and not my DH.

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