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Purely a vent, as I can take no action whatsoever...
I feel like banging my head against a desk repeatedly.
Short & sweet: bipolar brother, unemployed and obtaining medications and therapy off of a state program, is seeing an employed bipolar girl (who is very nice, loving and seems to love brother). Both live in her mom's house. Brother proposed to girl a few months ago, even though his first marriage was only annulled under a year ago. This decision made us all nervous (considering they are obviously not financially stable), but were then told it would be a long engagement to get themselves stable, living on their own and under their own power/roof, before getting married two years down the road.
Saw a FB status on his fiancee's page today: We're going to blow everyone's mind and get married in a month in Vegas!
Mind is understandably blown, but not terribly surprised. Upon further disclosure via our mother, discovered this decision stems from them going to Vegas with friends who are getting married, and they decided to jump into the action and get married there too.
Amazed at idiocy, immaturity and irresponsibility. Powerless to do or say anything. Chalking it up to "damn it all, it's their wedding-their choice, but DAMN IT!"
Thanks for letting me vent. And ::bang::
Re: Purely a vent, as I can take no action whatsoever...
I can understand how you feel. My 27-year-old brother is currently hospitalized (again) for screwing with his bipolar meds (again). I know it's part of the disease, but it's still so frustrating. Just a few months ago, he was "engaged" to a married woman with four kids, who also has bipolar. She went back to her husband, and now my brother tries to find women on the internet, keeping the severity of his condition a secret (right now he thinks he's god).
He's been living with my parents for years, and now it's affecting their own well-being and their marriage. They don't know how to get him out of the house and independent, because he always stops taking his meds, uses mass doses of OTC meds to get high, or takes someone else's prescription meds on top of his.
It sucks to feel so powerless and watch him make whacked out choices, especially when it's draining the life out of my parents.
I have nothing for you but thoughts, prayers, a hug and a nice strong drink.
I hope it all works out.
I'm sorry, LD. That must be really frustrating.
I hope it all works out.
He can get married in Juneau, Alaska for all I care. That isn't the point. The point is this kid can't pay for a roof over his head yet, but he's got enough money to fly he and his girl to Vegas for a whirlwind wedding. He is not thinking of anything but the now, not how being married will impact his medical benefits (what he qualifies for since he'll now have an employed spouse), not how long they plan to live with her mom, not the fact that the woman who has helped fund his entire adulthood (my mom, ever the enabler, has invested upwards of $50,000 in getting him IT training, buying him vehicles, paying his rent whenever he'd get fired, etc) won't be included in his wedding because "going to Vegas is what feels right to us."
I'm all about a couple making their wedding day exactly what they want. What I can't support is when said couple can't pay for a roof over their heads or hold down a job (medical condition or otherwise) and yet feel a leap into marriage is the right thing to do - consequences be damned, because it feels right.
(ETA - and in keeping with my sentence above, I am NOT saying anything to them about "don't you think a planned wedding would be better?" It's not MY wedding, and they should make their choice. I just also think they are entirely glossing over everything else that might be important in this decision.)
I have a lot of history with bipolar people, so I know how difficult it is to sit by when the bipolar people in your life make decisions you feel can hurt their well being. You are a great sister for being concerned, and I know it's very stressful to feel so helpless. However, I've found the best way to help bipolar people is to love them as much as you can, but let them screw up as often as possible. I know it sounds nuts, but he's going to do this whether anyone approves or not, so the best thing to do is allow him to do it with all the support you can give him. And if it fails, which it may not, he will learn to take it a little slower the next time. He will still be impulsive, but he may be a little gentler with it.
My (now, sadly, ex) best friend is bipolar and got married rather impulsively to a girl who is not right for him. But we supported him and loved him, and attended the wedding and still wish them the best. And if it ends badly, we know that he's going to think twice before jumping so quickly into something that serious.
The best thing the rest of the family can do is just love him and his future wife, but mom shouldn't feel obligated to support them and keep a roof over their heads. They may both have their issues, but they're old enough and competent enough to get married, so they're adult enough to have their own house. State assistance is available in many states for couples who have mental illnesses. It is not a bad thing to be on state assistance if you have actual problems.