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People are trying to give me Baby Fever!
I went for my regular check-up on Tuesday. My doctor started with her speech "now that you're married.....what are your thoughts about planning a family?" I had to say that DH and I are going to wait hopefully 2-3 years before we have kids. (We're both 24 now and would like our first kid when we're about 27).
And at our wedding, FI and I had a picture of us blown up for people to sign like a poster. A few people wrote things like "when are you having kids?" and my in-laws wrote "we want grandkids!" Ugh. I know some of you ladies have ranted about this before - but now we're really starting to feel the pressure. How much would I like to quit my job and stay home with a baby? Ummmmm....a TON! And I can't wait. But FI and I owe ourselves a little more time together just as a couple, and we both know that. We bought our house and got married this year. Neither one of us feels we need to jump right in to a pregnancy. That doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time though. It's going to be so, so tough to wait but in the end I know we'll be happy we did.
I know a few of you ladies are either pregnant already or TTC - how did you know you were ready to start trying? And for everyone else, who is in the same boat as hubby and I? It's so hard to wait when we know having a baby will make us happier than anything.
Re: People are trying to give me Baby Fever!
The other day H made me promise that if we we're completely out of debt, have a house, have decent savings and made it to one place we wanted to travel to sans-kids by the beginning of 2012, we would start trying.
I'm curious about how anyone knew they were ready. I don't think this will make any sense, but I honestly can't comprehend/imagine stopping my birth control pills and having unprotected sex. In my head its just not a possibility. I think this just means I'm really, really, really not ready for kids.
Married / The Cookaholic Wife
If it happened now instead of later, it wouldn't be ideal, but we would be happy, fine & adjust overall. My maternal instinct says baby now, but my mind says hells no. I'm not ashamed to admit at this point, we're both still too selfish - it's nice to pick up and go whenever we want and for now we're just focusing on us, settling into marriage and enjoying it. I'm not even going to bring up the financial aspect because, well, quite frankly I feel like it's something that could always be a factor in waiting - God would provide and we would adjust financially.
But yes, I totally get what you're saying.
And I know I'm not ready now, but am sure then when you're ready, you'll know.
09.25.10
hahah!!! I can't comprehend it either!!!!
I like this. It sounds very reasonable of your hubby! And it's more than a year away - who knows? Maybe by then you'll be ready...you never know. FI and I have a house, no debt except for the stupid mortgage. So, based on those factors, there is nothing holding us back from a baby right now except ourselves. We have said that we would like to take one really nice trip to Europe together before we have kids. Other than that I feel like I'm just biding my time.
spot on nichole.
MAYBE by 2013 if we are debt free, own a house, and have traveled everywhere we want without kids then we can discuss it.
also, your statement about not wanting to stop taking your BCP means you are really really really not ready to have a baby? i think that is a great sign. dont give in. i am the same way. i think if i even have to say outloud "i dont want to give up: sleep, sex, drinking, regular periods, my own time, my own money, my bed, my life at all" then i am clearly not ready to have a baby, so no one should pressure me to have one.
i remember going to get my annual exam a month before getting married. and my doctor asked if i was ready to start family planning. and i was like "um, sure, in 8 more years!" i was appalled.
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This 100%. And as much as I'd love a baby at the moment, I know I'm not ready to deal with one because they need so much attention. And I can't imagine my commute at the moment while pregnant and dealing with morning sickness. I've seen other women at my office do it and I just can't figure out how.
Confession: I also don't think I'll make a very good mother. I'm just not patient enough. And certain times of the month, I become very easily irritated and even less patient.
You're not alone. H and the cat can annoy me to the point where I just want to tell them either/both to STFU and then go hide somewhere quiet. Thats not possible with a kid. I also have no pain tolerance, instantly pass out at the sight of blood, and the smell of formula makes me gag. I really don't think I'm ever going to be able to have kids.
Shauni - I tell H those things all of the time. He sleeps in until 10 or 11. I schedule our grocery store trips around football. I really don't think he understands that our life now will just not be possible. And I still think he should be the one to have the kid. He has birthing hips and I don't.
Married / The Cookaholic Wife
I'm starting to think H and I really aren't going to have kids. I'm closing in on 30 and just don't have the desire. At all. I love our nieces and nephews and love cuddling and playing with other people's kids, but just not sure I want one of my own. I actually have a hard time comprehending the baby fever mentality, TBH. Everyone always told me, "When you get older, you'll change your mind." So far, I haven't. I would much, much rather spend my time traveling the world than cleaning dirty diapers and messes in my house. How's that for totally selfish?
My dad apparently can't wait until we have a baby so he can spoil him/her. But, I don't think so! We are not ready for kids. We're not emotionally or financially ready. I want to own my own home, be debt free, and just be in an overall better place once I have kids. Right now I want to enjoy being married, travel to new places, and not have the responsibility of children. I too have nephews that I spoil when I get that motherly urge to spoil.
As for being a good mother, I hope I will be. I didn't have the best mother figure in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but she wasn't exactly the motherly type. I just hope that when I have my kids I will be the best mother I can possibly be. Not saying that I want to be the perfect mom, just the best that I can be.
Short answer: when you stop thinking "we don't need to jump into a pregnancy right now"
Long(er) answer: Don't listen to outside pressure. It's all about how you and your SO feel about it. If you don't think you're ready, then you're not ready (not to say you can be 100% ready).
We planned to wait another year or so but knew if we made a mistake (whoops!), we were still emotionally and financially able to care for our child and each other. We're still renting, working on our debt, and reading as much about pregnancy and parenting as we can, but that works for us. If you have to have A, B, or C to feel ready, then be more careful. Lol.
Go by your plan, but be open to making adjustments.
DH will be 33 this month and I just turned 26. We both have stable jobs and we both are retail managers who have the retirement plans and health insurance and all that jazz. Luckily when I met him, he had already owned a 3 bedroom house. We both have new/newer cars and really don't have too much debt between the two of us. For us, it just made sense to TTC on our honeymoon. We both felt we were ready as individuals and a couple to bring a baby into the world.
We got pregnant the first month and we were really shocked how quickly it happened. When we found out, we were both so excited, but 5 minutes later, we looked at each other and kind of had that holy crap look. We got nervous... but I think that is natural. I promised myself that I will pay off my last credit card by the time the baby is here so I only have the monthly bills (cell phone, car insurance, car payment, cable, and mortgage) to deal with. I really want to try to stay home with baby, but it may not be feasible (plus I am a workaholic), so I probably will work part time.
I think you just kind of know when you are ready. I would try to clear a lot of your debt, but honestly, I don't think anyone is truly prepared for the finances of kids. You kind of just adjust.
I guess that's an interesting spot to be in....We've never had time just as a couple; I came with baby. We want to try soon, but that's because DD will be 5 next year. How many others out there came as/took a "package deal"?
I can see your point, and I don't mean to offend anybody, but sometimes it's hard to feel for people who talk about having more time alone before kids because we never had that. I guess what I mean is that it's not that I don't feel for them, it just seems strange because I've never had the experience.
Anyways, I'm guessing you'll really enjoy the few years together, and you'll def be happy you waited, but you'll probably have kids at 26 instead of 27
We are ready and trying.
I've been ready, I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, and was really upset by it. I am 32, and DH is 30, neither of us have kids, and both of us have always wanted kids. Right now, I'm having some female issues with a fribroid tumor barely attached to my uterus, so that has put a ticking clock on me, to have kids soon, because in 3-4 years, I have to have a total hysterectomy, so it's a big deal for us to get pregnant in the next year.
So far, not pregnant, but last month was the first month we tried, so we're giving it a try again this month, wish us luck!!
TTC since 08/2010
Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
Dx PCOS 3/2012
SA 5/25/12--normal
June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
On my wedding video, my dad (a little tipsy) wishes us well and then tells us he wants "lots & lots of bambinos!" Little did he know we were already 3 mos pregnant at the time.
I was hell bent on NOT getting pregnant for the longest time, and then when I figured out DH was it, it just kind of all fell into place. When I was able to go off my BC with the attitude of, "if it happens, it happens" I knew it was time, at least for me. Having a family is one of our top to-dos, and since he's already pushing 40, we didn't want to wait and have him be a decrepit dad. If you don't have the clock pushing you, take your time. When it's the right time, you'll know it.
Haha you could be right. I wouldn't mind getting pregnant WHILE I'm 26 and having the baby 9 months later when I'm 27.....
Shellb, I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. Hopefully you get lucky soon.
I'm going to be 35 soon. People in my family menopause early (early 40s) so I don't have much time left.
I am not ready to have a baby yet. Our lifestyles are too unpredictable and I'm too selfish. I love being able to do what I want, when I want. DH on the other hand has been pushing for a baby for years. He talks about it everyday now. I've resigned myself to the fact that it's probably going to happen before I'm ready for it. Fingers crossed that when the hormones kick in, so will the maternal instincts.
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!