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MIL ~ Drama
Long story short my DH and I have agreed to have no contact with his family, specifically his brothers and mother. they do not respect us as parents and their house is not safe for our daughter (guns kept loaded in the garage, dynamite laying out in the garage, guns in the house unloaded but kept unlocked with bullets in the same cabinet, and I could go on). MIL has been calling me and leaving messages about things that have nothing to do with us. DH called tonight and told her to stop calling us, espically me, until she is ready to apologize for things that have happened and speak resonably. She then called my phone 6 times yelling, cussing, and making threats to me and to come and get her grandchild. I am not sure how to handle the situation. My DH and I have discussed it and he is leaning towards contacting the police in her state and filing charges for harassment and we have already called the phone company and had phone numbers blocked.
Has anyone else delt with a family member like this?
Re: MIL ~ Drama
I've dealt with crazy relatives of my husband's - and we were forced to change our phone number 3 times, and file complaints with the police department. *This type of behavior is foreign to me, my family definitely doesnt behave this way - but I have no problem with dealing with people appropriately.
I suggest filing a report, referencing the report number with your telephone company so they are aware of the change (most times you will incur a charge for changing your number, but NOT when you're being harassed). Also, document everything. Dates, times of any incidents.
After that, just stay away from them. I was lucky in that my husband supports me 100% and cut off all contact with the relatives. We've had no issues.
Good luck.
Dynamite and loaded guns in the garage - that screams WT if I've ever heard it!!!! I wouldn't want scum like that anywhere near my kids, either!
Make sure the authorities know their home isn't safe for a child, and save those threatening messages in case she does try to come and take her grandchild. The more ammunition you have for a harassment charge or restraining order, the better!!!
"Honey, have you seen my golf clubs?"
"Sure, dear....try in the garage, next to the birdseed, the lawnmower, the trash bags and the dynamite..."
"Thanks, princess! What would I do without you? Found 'em!"
Srsly, dynamite?
Isn't that uh illegal?
Well, see, you all are playing right into her hands. You say you aren't going to have any contact w/ her, then she calls a whole bunch of times and what does your DH do? Calls her.
You're playing right into her hands.
I think you all need to REALLY ignore her. Yes, I get that the calls and messages are annoying, but the "Delete" feature is really a great feature. You dont' have to listen to any of her messages.
You know she isn't reasonable. So stop trying to reason w/ her. IGNORE HER. Really have NO CONTACT w/ her.
That's the thing w/ these kinds of situations - it's on you all to stick to and enforce the boundaries. It's not on her.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto ECB and wanted to add that you are expecting this woman's behavior to change to fit your needs when the reality in this situation is that you need to change your behaviors and move on. You have no control over how she acts, but you do have control over how you REACT to her. She calls a hundred times? Don't answer, don't listen to voice mails and don't call her back. Change your number if you have to, you'll get your point across without creating more drama that she feeds into.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
If you honestly believe she presents a threat to your family and could potentially attempt to kidnap your daughter, you do need to document what's happening. Record her calls and talk to your local law enforcement to see if it's grounds for a restraining order.
I'm with this. At the very least a report needs to be filed.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
i was wondering the same thing...
Is the ammunition in their house the only problem you've had? If so, that's no reason to cut off contact. Obviously you shouldn't go to their house... but why would you cut off contact for that?
I'd be pissed if I couldn't see my grandchild, too.
That being said, definitely be careful and keep a record of any threats your MIL is making to you.
Thank you ladies. DH called MIL last night on the advice of local PD to tell her one last time in the words they gave him to stop all contact with us. Since then and the calls last night we have received 10 phone calls all of them ignored by us. We have handed the phone records over to the police so that we could have my phone number changed without charge and her phone numbers blocked without charge.
Unfortunately what they keep in the house is the least of the problems we have had. The one that cut off all contact was when my BIL handed my daughter at 15 months a loaded shotgun to play with as a joke. My MIL sees no problem with this as it is his niece so he can do as he pleases with her. MIL has also refused not to smoke around DD and to not hold her right after (DD skin breaks out horribly when clothes or hands that have cig res gets on her), at 6 months old was giving her peanut butter, chocolate milk, and many other things. DH was deployed in Iraq and she told me that if he died there that she would be suing me for sole custody of Maura as she would be better off with them. Sadly I could go on. Dynamite is actually M-16 sticks and where they live is legal to have on their farm. Sadly my BIL blew off half of his fingers with a stick when he was 8 because they kept it in the dining room (yes apparently you need it with your china) and lite one thinking it was a candle.
My DH and I are also going to contact a counselor to make sure we are dealing with this together and that it does not impact our marriage.
whoever gave her advice to record calls: NEVER DO THIS UNLESS YOU KNOW ALL STATE LAWS
In some states you have to have permission of one party, like in my state, to record a phone call so she could.
If she lives in a state where you need two party consent even the act of record is a crime and if she tries to submit that as evidence she will get in a load of trouble.
If they live in different states and have different policies regarding recording devices then it is best to just not do it. The water is really murky in this area.
OK, as it turns out they really ARE BSC.
Have you guys drawn up a will yet? If not, why not get that done (it's a good idea anyway) and in it you can stipulate in legal terms who would get custody of your child(ren) in the event of either/both of you dying. It certainly sounds like giving them any kind of guardianship would be a tragedy waiting to happen.
GL!
Oh we definatley have wills! Guardianship of DD if anything happens to us could not be any clearer and several people have copies of the will.
Not recording any phone calls, just letting them go to voicemail.
Do they live on a compound and talk about dropping off the grid?
I'd change my number.
Just a thought.....
In one book about stalkers (The Gift of Fear) the author suggests KEEPING the old number, but having it go directly to a voice mail system (obviously, one that you don't check or respond to). Then getting a new number that you pass to all of your friends. That way, the stalker (your MIL) thinks you are getting messages, but not responding to them. They don't realize you have a new phone #.
Obviously, that costs more than getting a free phone # switch, but it's an idea.
Wow... just wow. Not much to ass other than I agree with cutting them out, ignoring them, and having an excellent will. It's unfortunate that they cannot be a part of their grandchild's life (awesome name, by the way).
But... I read it, and I feel for you!