Family Matters
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What to do?
My sister and I are very close, but just had a huge falling out where we said a lot of very hurtful things to one another. Her birthday is in 2 weeks and I am going back and forth about whether or not to get her a gift or a card. We are both to blame for the falling out, but she attacked first. What would you do? Any suggestions??
Re: What to do?
She has been babysitting my son since he was about 3 months old. She watches him 2X/week for a total of 10 hours/week. Since the first month, she has had a hard time making this a priority. She would put anything else in front of this and has cancelled several times. A few weeks ago, I was late coming home from work and she had to be to work and was late. Another time my husband and I went out and we were having such a good time that we lost track of time and were late getting home. Beyond that, we have never been late or "taken advantage" of her. For several reasons, she has not babysat in the last 2 weeks and has cancelled at least 1X/week for the month prior to that.
She sends me a text today saying that she wanted to give me a heads up, but she cannot babysit this Friday. Annoyed, I texted her back and told her not to worry about it, that we would work it out, and that she no longer needs to babysit ever. She responded with how nothing is every good enough for me and how selfish and inconsiderate I am. She also told me I am an ungrateful, spoiled brat and that a lot of people agree with her. Of course when asked for examples, she gave none.
I responded with all of the irresonsible things she has done and told her to move back home, we both live about 800 miles from "home"... This went on for hours. I think it was months worth of venting.
I think I should add that a few months ago she began dating a friend of my husband, and has since made that her #1 priority. The weekend of my son's christening, she (the Godmother) did nothing more than show up at the church because she was so in love. I still don't forgive her for that. I'm just disappointed.
Sorry this is so long, but you asked!
This was unnecessary and I would be mad too. It's never a good idea to have arguments over email or text messages. If you guys are close as you say, you owe it to her and yourself to tell her that you were hurt by what happened at the Christening. Don't get all passive aggressive and ruin your relationship over this.
She knows exactly how I feel about the Christening, we had that conversation when it happened, and I told her it would take a while for me to forgive her, but I'm still not over it. Like I said it seems like so much has been bottled up, but I think he boyfriend is feeding some of this. He is not a bad person, but she has changed so much since they have started dating. She is only 18, so I understand her immaturity and her defensive attitude, but it really hurt me that not only did she claim to truly believe these things about me, but she also sat around and discussed it with people when she should have discussed it with me.
Back to the original question, should I do something for her birthday? My gut says yes, but my stubborn nature says absolutely not!
The Dogs and Us
Watching a young child two days a week is a lot of responsibility for an 18 year old. How old are you?
Honestly the whole situation seems really immature to me. I would be upset about the christening, yes, but the other stuff seems ridiculous to me. You come across as entitled to having your sister watch your child and she isn't. he is your resonsibility and not hers. If she is cancelling alot , find another sitter. Do you pay her for watching your son?
I'm saying that you should not only do something for your sister for her birthday, but also apologize. You handled it poorly. She's 18 and doesn't understand the responsibility of being a regular care-giver. Is this really shocking to you?
Honestly, I think you and her should have had the "are you really committed to watching my child" conversation after the second cancellation. Why have you let this go on so long?
What are you paying your sister for her twice-weekly babysitting gig?
I agree...what are you paying her? And an 18 year old is certainly not going to have watching your child as a top priority in her life. Especially if she isn't being paid. My boyfriend and going out with my friends were some of my top priorities at that age.
If you are not paying her than I would be happy about the times when she actually did watch your child. To me that is a luxury and she is not obligated to do that for you, her Godchild or not.
If you are in fact paying her than I would simply say "its not working out" and find a ore reliable sitter.
Also, I's at least send her a card for her birthday.
You will never regret reaching out to her. You will certainly regret not doing so - the longer these things go the worse they get.
"Shower the people you love with love."
James Taylor
Honestly, I think you are being too hard on her. Your child is not the center or her universe. I kinda don't blame her for spending time with her boyfriend. It is very normal behavior for a teenager, considering she isn't getting compensated. I too have a 19 year old sister and I would absolutely insist on paying her and would also understand if she cancelled to spend time with her boyfriend. I would also stop asking after the second or third time she cancelled on me. I would be grateful for the free babysitting that you have gotten up to this point and find someone else.
Yes I would buy her a gift. Tell her it is for her birthday and for all the times she has babysat your child for free.
It sounds to me like the cancellations were the 18 year old's way of telling you that she's really not feeling the free babysitting anymore, but she just doesn't know how to tell you straight up.Even the most mature kid of that age would probably not want to make babysitting a priority in their life.
Find a reliable babysitter, and send your sister a card for the birthday. This is not something to end a relationship over. And try to communicate better in the future.
She's 18? Why should your child be her priority?
Bull$hit you aren't taking advantage of her. She may not accept money, but that doesn't mean you still aren't taking advantage of her.
I'll give you an example. She let you know nearly a week ahead of time that she wouldn't be available to babysit for you -- again, for free -- and you went all spoiled rotten passive-aggressive the-world-revolves-around-me, and how- dare-you-have-your-own-life b!itch on her
What more was she supposed to do?
Her excuse is she's 18 and 18-year-olds are supposed to act like this. You're 30; what's your excuse for stomping thorough life like a spoiled brat?
I pretty much agree with this.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
This exactly.
Boys are usually the priority to an 18 year old. I'd get someone older, more mature and more experienced to watch your child.
I know it's easy to have family do it since it doesn't cost a lot of money - but the safety of your child is always more important than saving a few bucks a week.
Definitely get her a birthday gift. You don't want to go through life having a damaged relationship with your sister. You'll regret it down the road.