Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
not that the IL's are that bad but....
I committed without hesitation to work on Thanksgiving. I mean...we need the money anyway so it probably wouldn't be anything surprising to the IL's, but my confession is that although I wouldn't mind the day off...I just really don't want to spend another full holiday with the IL's.
Not that they are terrible to get along with...and I want to give the benefit of the doubt and say they won't be negative about me working. I think my problem is that I have & will, spend my holidays for the past year as well as this year with the IL's (my parents live a great distance away and because of distance, finances, and jobs on both ends we just had to sacrifice last year and this year) , so my choice is to simply remove myself for half a day or so and earn extra money instead. I hope that isn't terrible of me...I guess it may be wearing on me the unbalanced amount of time between his family and mine.
I think the worst part is that my IL's have never once asked if we are thinking about staying here or going to my parents for the holidays not last year...not this year...they just seem to assume and make plans that we will be here without hesitation or asking....and I believe if I were to harbor any negativity about the situation...it is just that, the assumption and disregard for my side.
what do you all think. should i get off my sorry wagon? haha. thanks for listening, I'm sure I've just had too much time to think about it! I hope some can relate and offer some words of wisdom. thanks again!
Re: not that the IL's are that bad but....
Our holiday issue is with my mother. My in laws live 5 hours away, and my MIL assumed we wouldn't be involved in traveling for the holidays. My mother assumed we would stay home and attend Thanksgiving and Christmas at her house. However, Thanksgiving is important to his side of the family, so we decided we would go down there to visit with them. My mother is terribly offended and was upset on the phone with me today over it. (I'm a newlywed and still her "baby girl" so I understand where she's coming from to an extent.)
I think it's nice that your in laws like you enough to WANT you there. A lot of people have bad relationships with their in laws. However, it's you and H's decision how you want to spend your holidays, and if you'd rather work and stay home for it, then that's your choice. No one can fault you for that and if your ILs say anything about it, just simply say that you and H decided to stay home and have a private Thanksgiving this year since you had to work. They shouldn't have any issue with it, and if they do, it'll be forgotten by Christmas.
exactly what plans have they made for YOU? Did they dictate some specific task to perform for the holiday or did they just let you know when their celebration was going to occurr?
They are not going anywhere, so they are going to start making plans for their holidays. They are not going to WAIT till YOU deign to let them know if your going to be there or not (it is not their job to ask you, but yours as adults to let them know). You are not he center to their holiday universe.
And really, you cannot be mad at THEM because YOU and only YOU cannot afford to get to YOUR side for the holidays. These are the consequences of not living near your family and making other financial choices.
And to be pissy at them for not...what? "it is just that, the assumption and disregard for my side." What exactly are you expecting them to DO? Because other than paying for your tickets home....there really is not much that they can do if YOU cannot get to your family.
If going home to visit your family is that important, then maybe you need to start sacrificing something for it. Because just $5 a week is $260. That's not getting a coffee drink at starbucks or not having cable (actually, dropping cable would be more money) etc.
But again, unless they actually made or make a stink about you not going, you are just projecting your own disappointment in yourself ONTO them.
I see nothing wrong with you working on the holiday, that's your choice. If you guys definitely need the money, it's probably a wise choice as you will probably get overtime for it. If not, it's still extra money that you didn't have.
I don't know all of the ins and outs of this situation, but maybe your ILs seem to be making the assumption because they know you can't afford to travel at the moment. It's not that they are completely disregarding your side, they just know it's not in the cards at the moment. I get the feeling that this is a hard situation for you because you would really like to see your family for the holidays, but can't afford it. That makes it easy to try to distort things and make them seem a different way. Be grateful that you have a caring family in the area to still spend the holidays with, and maybe try to make plans early for next year. Talk to your parents, if you can and see if they have ideas on ways that you might be able to make it out cheaper. ( I know I have no idea how far away from you they actually are, and this might not even be an option) Is there somewhere you can stay once you get there? And you only have to focus on traveling costs? I know it's easier said than done, but you can start figuring out how much money to set aside each month, and make it your holiday family travel fund. If you have a good month put a little extra in, so when you have a bad month you aren't as pressured to put that much in.
I hope this helps, and I know the holidays can be really frustrating! Especially when you really want to spend time with certain family, but just can't! Best of Luck!