Family Matters
BeckyOff
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Martyrs are SOOOO annoying
Lots of bad blood between one of H's relatives and I.
She recently told me that she can't believe the way I act around her. Also, she's unwilling to discuss anything she's done/said to/about me and says I just need to forget about it.
Then she told H that she wants to make sure he knows she's really trying hard to get the family all back together.
Yes, you're such a saint for calling or emailing me and telling me how wrong I am and explaining how much better you are than me.
Sorry... internet/ computer glitch with posting.
Re: Martyrs are SOOOO annoying
This post is pretty annoying too.
ETA:: Ok, I take it back now that there are actually words in the post.
OP, if you don't want to go, don't go. Debating whether or not you'll go, or acting as though you "have" to go in order to avoid any drama, or going if you don't want to but feel you have to is making a martyr of yourself. Stay home with your H. You're not obligated to participate in family events.
Was there an actual post that you've deleted? Or just the subject line?
ETA: OH, there it is. It was just a blank post for a while there. Ironically, even with all those words, I'm not quite sure what's going on. So she's causing drama, and being two-faced? Am I getting that right?
FYI: This isn't Twitter. YWIA.
ETA: Thanks for the detail. Now how does your DH feel about it? Is he equally annoyed, and with the right person?
H is on my side and sees that I basically just get attacked by her out of nowhere.
H and I are at the point that we don't know how to respond or what to do anymore. She contradicts herself, operates under double standards...
I think it's just super frustrating because the holidays are coming and she's pressuring us to go to her house. H is very hesitant to accept the invitation, but I can only imagine the backlash if we don't go. "I always try so hard, and they won't even make the effort to show up."
Ugh.
So don't go. Let her say what she wants while you two snuggle in front of your tree (or whatever symbol you may use, it doesn't matter) and celebrate your own holiday, just the two of you. There's no reason to accept her invitation just to cowtow to her weirdness.
If you keep giving in and responding to her wackiness, you're sending a clear message - it works. So stop making it work. Make your own decisions and plans, stick to them.
I think I just needed to hear this from someone who doesn't live inside my head.
This advice really works. That is exactly what H and I did with his SIL. Once you stop responding, she really has nothing to talk about. If you are worried about her not liking you, who cares? Not everyone in the world is going to.
But the thing is - - just because she is his sister doesn't mean that you are obligated to spend Christmas being in the center of her self-inflicted drama. Married people are allowed to do things apart from the families that they came from! It has nothing to do with "how hard she tries," (or doesn't) and everything to do with how YOU want to spend the holidays. She doesn't get a vote. Your MIL/FIL don't get a vote. She's disappointed you didn't go to her home? "So sorry, we wanted a quiet hoiday with just the two of us."
Going to her house just "to avoid drama" (when you are certain to become wrapped in a whole new act of drama while there) gives her a lot of power over your lives. Why should she avoid being a drama queen? It means that she can do what she wants to grab attention, and you'll still keep coming back because "you want to keep the peace." That is no way to live your lives!