Sex & Romance
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Birthday sex?
My husband and i have been married for a little over two years now, and for most of it i have been struggling with a low sex drive. My husband has been very understanding and patient with me, but one issue that always comes up is birthday sex? How do you all feel about that? Do you think i should just suck it up and do it?
Ive wondered if i have a hormone imbalance that is causing low labido, but we dont have health insurance so we just cant afford for me to go to the doctor to run a bunch of tests. 
It just gets so frustrating to feel this guilt, because i do feel bad for my dh.
Re: Birthday sex?
You can't go to Planned Parenthood and at least find out what it might cost to get to the bottom of things? Low libido can be caused by many serious things that can have long term health implications, so looking into it now can make a big difference in your life.
Honestly, how much is your marriage worth to you? Because not having a fulfilling sex life is likely to bring about its demise. I bet if you told your H "Honey, I really want to get to the bottom of this libido issue. I think that we should not buy each other holiday presents this year, so that we can afford the tests that will hopefully bring back our rockin' sex life. Are you with me on this?" Trust me, he wants you to want to have sex with him more than he wants anything else.
Oh...and yeah, have sex with him on his birthday. Spend some time during the proceeding days thinking sexy thoughts and getting yourself in the mood.
But they can probably point you in the right direction of low cost care.
Plus, OP doesn't even know what kind of tests/costs might be involved. If she doesn't have health insurance (which is sounds like she doesn't) PP can help her figure out where to go and how to get on state insurance.
If she doesn't have an OBGYN to discuss this issue with, it is unlikely that she has had a regular gyn checkup recently. PP is always a good place to start.
Huh? "Self Examination"?
If you have a thyroid problem, your hormones could be way off and be causing you to not want sex. If you have a pituitary issue, your libido can take a nose dive. Since the effects of both of these issues will have accumulated over time, it is unlikely that you will be able to detect them consciously. Your desire for sex will just dwindle away.
Are you on any kind of birth control? Have you thought about changing methods in case they are the source of the problem? Who is prescribing your birth control? Why not talk to them about your current state of affairs?
Were you ever more interested in sex? Have you had previous lovers? Have you experienced an orgasm? Do you masturbate? Do you orgasm when you masturbate? Do you orgasm with your husband?
If there is an organic source for this libido problem, it is worth getting to the bottom of it. If it is a psychological problem, it is worth getting to the bottom of it. Sex is the thermometer of a romantic relationship and if your H is at the point of begging you in advance to have sex with him for his birthday, you need to take this problem seriously.
To answer the birthday sex question::
Yes, I think you should try it for his birthday. You enjoy sex once its initiated right? Or no? I think a low sex drive is one thing, but not enjoying sex is another, it just takes a little effort to get things started and then you enjoy them.
I would try it. It is his birthday after all.
Sex should not be something you do out of obligation to your partner. Ever. However, totally independent of the birthday issue, if you are serious about being in any adult partnership, you DO need to make a priority of figuring out why you aren't interested in sex.
(If you are planning ahead and fretting about having sex on his birthday, it sounds as though you are not having sex at all. Mismatched sex drives are one thing, but no sex is another...)
When you say "low libido," do you mean that you never feel sexual desire toward anyone, or that are you not attracted to your partner? Did your sex drive used to be different? (Bearing in mind that sex drive is almost always stronger at the beginning of a relationship)
I understand not having medical insurance, and being financially strapped. But I will echo the others' advice to look to Planned Parenthood as a first step. It's important to rule out common physical causes.
However, these things are usually psychological--which doesn't mean they aren't "real" problems.
Could it be that you are feeling a lot of anxiety, under pressure because finances are tight? In general, women's sex drives are more sensitive to context than men's.
Or maybe you don't take care of yourself? It sounds as though you are mostly interested in addressing your low libido out of concern for him, not for yourself, which suggests that you put yourself second. If you feel empowered, you are much more likely to feel sexy.
And then there's your relationship itself. You haven't given much information on it. Maybe you feel he isn't supportive, or your relationship has gotten really stale, or one of you has put on fifty pounds you don't find attractive, or he's not a skilled or attentive lover, or you don't make your needs known... Any of those factors (and a bunch more) could explain your lack of desire. If something like that is the root of the problem, then the issue isn't with you alone, but with you as a couple-- in which case the answer is NOT for you to "suck it up" and have sex to keep him happy, but to get down to improving your relationship, together.
The most important point I want to make is that, while addressing this issue is part of honoring your commitment to your partner, that commitment should be one that you made for yourself as well as for him. It's about honoring yourself. Your sexuality is an expression of your most primal life force, and of your connection to your partner. If you've lost touch with it, you should take that seriously as a quality of life issue for YOU.
Thanks to everyone who responded. To answer some of your questions, yes i do masturbate occasionally, and yes i do orgasm. My husband does try to make sure of that during sex. Our sex life was better earlier in our relationship and has just gotten progressively worse.
I do think that one of the problems is that my husband cant last too long. He says if we were to do it more that he could build up more of a tolerance. But it sometimes gets to the point that i cant really move too much during sex or it gets to be too much for him. but its not like the sex is awful so i cant blaim this on him. I also think the fact that i am a stay at home wife right now isnt helping either. I have been trying to look for work but it just hasnt been working out. It just seems that so many of the factors are things that i cant immediately change.
Hi...
I have a low sex drive myself...though I haven't thought about getting it looked into. DH is Ok with it, he gets other things...
anyways DH's bday is this coming Monday and I am already planning on birthday sex for him. IM actually excited about it (Ok we are getting into the whole TTC) so thats part of why I am excited. But also because we haven't had sex in a while mostly due to the fact that life got in the way, never home always tired...
So to your question go for the birthday sex...but as some else suggested all day think sexy thoughts, get yourself in the mood. Maybe add more foreplay or something. Good luck.