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Update on the MIL issue
It's been a few weeks, but in case you're interested, here's the original (LONG) post:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/43266829.aspx
So, IL's came up yesterday to see DS. After DS went down for his nap, DH and FIL walked to pick up lunch. On the walk, FIL opened up to DH.
He's really concerned about MIL. Especially if he dies. She doesn't want to go out, ever. She is totally dependant on him now. She drinks a lot (goes through a bottle of scotch a week). Doesn't exercise. Is super critical of everything he does. And so on.
For the "what would happen to her", DH said that if that ever happened, we would either take her in or find an assisted living place for her.
But past that, FIL just doesn't know what to do. He even admitted that he might be enabling her - but really, he's SO close to it, and w/ the way she treats him, I don't entirely blame him. You only want to get yelled at so much.
He's tried to get her to see a therapist - she refuses.
DH threw out the idea to him that maybe they need to think about down-sizing and looking for a condo closer to where we live. This actually came up at the end of their walk, so he couldn't really pursue it w/ his dad any futher, but his dad is a thinker and as DH put it out there, I know his dad will start at least thinking about it.
I suggested that DH talk to his mom himself. He said that his dad did say to him that if he were to talk to her, it would end w/ her yelling at FIL about it. But I was kind of like "Well, what does he want?". Maybe he just wants to vent, but if he actually wants DH's HELP, he may have to suck it up and deal w/ being yelled at by her if it at least starts the process to get her help!
The main point, though, is that FIL is fully aware of the issues, which is good. I just think he's too engrossed in it and probably feels helpless himself. I don't know if the events from my other post were some kind of catalyst for him to start realizing things are pretty bad, or what. But something snapped and I'm glad he felt he could talk to DH about it.
Don't know what will happen next yet, though.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: Update on the MIL issue
I remember your OP about this and I had wondered if there were any updates.
I'm glad your FIL took the opportunity to talk to your H about everything, and you both must be relieved to have confirmation that your FIL does see what is really going on, and that he feels that he can reach out to you guys. Hopefully he will take some time to think about some of your H's suggestions.
I know a lot must still feel up in the air, but this sounds like a really positive start.
Good Luck.
Having FIL aware of the issue is excellent - thanks for the update.
You said that she refuses to see a therapist. Would she also refuse to see a doctor? Whether or not it's all the medications she's on, or the beginning of Alzheimers/Demetia, it's something to ask about.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
A good question to start with may be for your DH or FIL (or both) to ask how she's feeling on her medications, whether she thinks they're helping, etc. If she says she feels fine, maybe DH can mention some of the odd behavior recently, and ask her "as a favor" to check with her PCP, because he's really concerned.
Another good thing about mentioning her behavior to her is that it's also a way to see if she remembers doing some of those things.
T's and P's for your situation. I hope that your FIL and MIL can attend a doctors appointment soon.
I'm so sorry I just read the original post too...
I agree with PP see if you can get her to the doctor. My grandma has Alzheimers and they were able to catch it pretty early, because of that she got on meds that have really helped keep her there mentally longer. Your MIL might really be forgetting things and know it which could be a cause for her depression. I know it really stresses my grandma out when she knows shes forgetting things. THat could also be a reason that she wants to show everyone pics of you DS, she might feel like it helps her remeber him better somehow.
GL those these things always suck to deal with no matter what
This. It sounds like she may have the beginning stages of dementia. She may be willing to see a medical doctor for proper diagnosis and treatment.
Is there a chance you could get FIL into a couple of counseling sessions? It sounds like this is hard for him to deal with, and maybe he needs to see that the best thing he can do for his wife is to stop enabling and help her get well (ala, the show Intervention)? It just sounds to me like he could use some support too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
ECB, I know I'm a little late to this discussion, but I wanted to suggest one more thing.
My mom just went through this with my grandmother; the odd behavior that would suggest dementia or alzheimer's. It got to the point that my Uncle actually had her put in a facility for Alzheimer's patients.
My mom insisted that it had to be something else (dementia and alzheimer's do not run in the family at all) and had the doctors look into her medications. Grandma was on at least 12-15 medications prescribed by 3-4 different doctors. When the doctors looked into it, they found that the medications were basically creating the memory and behavior issues and scaled back her dosage, changed brands and even eliminated some meds. She now lives with my mom/dad and her memory and behavior is perfectly normal.
You and your DH may want to look into this since I know you mentioned your MIL is on a lot of medication. Good luck!